Get Out of Your Own Way With Aaron Velky
Everyone’s relationship with money is personal. Whether you have a bad relationship with debt or you have a serious spending problem, or you’re scared of investing, we all have our own dynamics when it comes to personal finance. Often the common denominator of feeling stuck with any goal, is that we get in our own way.
In today’s episode, Adam speaks with Aaron Velky, all about personal finance, creating systems, playing to win vs. playing to keep playing, and the huge role awareness plays in transformation. Aaron is a keynote speaker, CEO, and coach. His career has been dedicated to building movements and helping companies and leaders get out of their own way. Aaron is the CEO of Money Club, an economic empowerment and financial wellness organization that blends personal finance with personal development. He is also the author of Let Her Play, a guide for sports coaches and parents that coach female athletes outside of the professional sphere.
Here are some power takeaways from today’s conversation:
- The power of systems
- Overcoming the feeling of being not enough
- The relationship between hard work and the outcome
- Playing to keep playing vs. playing to win
- Learning to be responsive vs. reactive
- Why parents should be mindful of car conversations with their kids
- How personal finance is different for everybody
- Building a great relationship with money
- All transformation starts from awareness and curiosity.
[05:15] The Power of Systems
Whatever your lane is, systems can help you stay in your lane. There are some deficiencies that we might have to grow and nurture, and at the same time double-down on what you’re best at. Systems can be people. It can be a person that takes on your responsibilities or a niche of your business. A system could be an automated software or an online tool to help you go from Point A to Point B much faster and more efficiently. Having a system in place gets you into a flow state.
[10:24] Overcoming the Mindset of Being Not Enough
Many entrepreneurs deal with impostor syndrome, thinking they’re not enough. This kind of messed up thinking can be brought on by parents, school, sports, or any life event or trauma. But you have to get to the bottom of it to realize how much you’re capable of and how much you’re worthy and then the magic starts to happen.
[19:25] The Relationship Between Hard Work and Outcome
Many of the things we want require deep commitment. However, many of us, too, are afraid of commitment. We look for a measurable outcome, set this goal, and then we hit it. And at a certain point, you either run out of goals that feel exciting, or you’re just numb to it all. Or you realize that the way that you’re living and the way that you’re going about your day-to-day is wildly dissatisfactory. And that’s because the attachment to win is like a dopamine strike. If you run out of wins and goals, you’re going to run out of happiness. We see this all the time in high performers. And so, play a game that you love so much that you don’t care about the outcome and you just love to keep playing.
[38:24] On Personal Finance
If you give someone financial intelligence, it changes not only the person, but also the family, the community, and the business. Your relationship with money is a very personal process. If you’re going to change your relationship with money, first know where you are, and what got you there. Until you are moderately aware, it’s hard to change.
evolving your relationship with money is a very personal process I I do think though thatall transformation starts at awareness and if you’re going to change your relationship with money you got to firstknow where you are and what got you there or you might have a bad relationship with debt you might haveuh really big spending problem you might not wantto take on more than one credit card you might not know anything about investing like until you are moderately aware it’shard to change hello everyone and welcome to the flow over fear podcast where it is ourmission to help you to rise above fear and realize your ultimate potential inleadership and life I’m your host Adam Hill and it is my goal to share with youthe human side of high performance my guests share their experience with fear anxiety struggle Challenge and mostimportantly despite all of it how they Rose above it to achieve incredibleresults so if you’re ready to rise up let’s get started hey everyone welcometo flow over fear I have a great guest today I’m really excited about this oneuh Aaron valky is a keynote speaker a CEO and coach his career has been dedicated tobuilding movements companies and leaders get out of your own way which is his coaching company helps successfulentrepreneurs to find a clear Direction in their lives and their business theyfind more Revenue they find more freedom and they find more purpose in their lives and their business he leadsRetreats and Leadership training I know he’s got a retreat coming up in May that we’re going to talk about leadershiptrainings for hundreds of people across the United States creating change forother emerging leaders and companies he’s the CEO of money Club an economic empowerment and financial Wellnessorganization that blends personal finance with personal development and he’s the author of a guidebook calledlet her play which is a guide for sports coaches and parents that coach femaleathletes outside of the professional sphere Aaron is a dad a new dad a comic book nerd andan adrenaline junkie and we’re going to jump into a lot of that today thanks for joining me Erin I appreciate it thanksfor having me Adam and I’m really excited to be here really grateful to be here yeah me too man this is uh this is great and and just you know readingthrough your bio you’re doing a lot of incredible things but you’re doing a lot of a lot of different things which isreally cool how do you balance all of that stuff how do you how do you kind of how do you juggle all of the knives soto speak and make sure that you’re getting balance in your own life I have learned to let go of balance insome ways to uh to use the the moniker that’s inyour background right the the flow that I tend to find is letting go of balanceand always finding my way to Harmony and then I like the word harmony a little bit better because it puts less of apressure on equality so to say I find myself wildly out of balance a lothowever I like to think of Harmony as you know I can swing all the way up to one side ofthe keyboard and if I hit the right notes they still harmonize they still work together so that’s sort of the way that I thinkabout it the way that it happens in practicality is systems really good organizationand more than anything I try to pay attention to what matters and absolutelylet go of what doesn’t that’s it yeah that’s fascinating that you’re mentioning the systems and thingslike that and I love that approach on balance meaning you’re you’re kind of so it sounds like you’re letting go of ofbalance but approaching more Harmony I really really dig that uh because I Ialways hear uh professionals and high Achievers say that they’re trying tofind balance but struggling with it I never hear uh professionals and high Achievers saying I finally found thatbalance uh so fighting Harmony that’s that’s huge but the idea of using systems this has come up a few times ina couple of different interviews uh as a way to kind of get over the stress get over the anxiety and get over just thechaos uh how how are you using those systems and organization to really helpfuel you and make you a better leader and juggle all this stuff umsystems have helped me in systems by Design are intended to dothis but I’ve spent a lot of time avoiding them now I have a much better relationship with systems and systemshelp me stay in the thing that I’m great at and even understanding that can helpsomeone go from no systems to three or four or five much faster than it took mesystems keep you where you’re great if that’s true and you’re great at conversations have more conversationsyou’ll do well in business and you’ll do well with the outcomes of relationships and the power of the networkif you’re really good at Excel sheets cool then systemize the other pieces whatever your lane is it can help youstay in your lane and I find that most of what happens even in the spaceof personal development is like take your weaknesses and work on themand to some extent I understand that there are some deficiencies that we might have to cover and grow and nurtureand also double triple quadruple down on what you’re best at and I’ve found thatwhen you do that things happen systems can be people can be a person that takeson your responsibilities or a niche of your business can be a system for groceries I don’t grocery shop anymorebecause I know that the drive to the grocery store the shopping and then the drive home is a two-hour task that takesme away from the thing I’m best at and a system could be an automated software orsome kind of tool that’s available online to help you go from A to B or C much faster and when you start to openup to like oh I think I could systemize this what naturally happens is you end upmore in your Flow State and I’m a believer that when you’re in your Flow State you winwow that’s been a huge Revelation for me uh recently as I’ve listened to peoplelike yourself talk about these kinds of things because I’ve noticed that that that you and others like you areare so able to just achieve more when they when they have that realization that you can lean lean more heavily intothe things that you’re good at and that you enjoy and is is that is that really the thing that you’re are youattributing things that you’re good at to what you enjoy or how are you findingthat that lane that you want to be in that’s such a great question I do think there’s a really important Venn diagramin there ideally you want to find the the middle right where they overlap if you’re goodat it and you enjoy it oh man have you found the win if it’s only one of those then there maybe an opportunity to strip it down dilute it change it adapt it so it isenjoyable generally speaking though we are wired chemicallyto enjoy things we’re good at we’re just like programmed to look for oh I enjoythis almost because I’m good at it just like we enjoy winning just like we enjoy the the rush of the victory we’re kindof naturally predisposed to find it yeah if if there’s anything though that creates more flow it’s getting thingsout of the way so my company name get out of your own way is sort of thismentality if you can remove the things that are holding you back usually it’sus the beliefs the patterns that we have you’re probably Gonna Fly because we’rewe’re meant to fly and if everyone is taking the thing that they’re best atand leaning into that and has systemized around that you end up with a bunch of super peoplewho are just cool high functioning High achieving people that not only do wellbut they do well for others yeah so that’s that’s a great segue too into uhinto kind of what you’re what you do as a coaching practice here so it it sounds like you’re kind of helping people withsystems but really getting people to to address their limiting beliefs and everything like that so what is it thatit what what are you finding that is is most often the thing that’s in our waywhat what like I know we ourselves are probably in our own way but what what part of that is it makes makes it so wethat prevents us from progressing well I like to think oflet’s first Define a belief because I think this is important when when Ilooked up the word belief in the dictionary like three weeks ago and inthe definition is the word belief I was flabbergasted just so circular it’s areally hard thing to Define so the way I Define a belief is it is a choice of Truthnow that almost immediately can help someone with reconstructing their wholeworld you might find that the choice of truth that you have isthat you have to work incredibly hard to be successful yeah well that’s going totake you a certain direction your life is going to end up calibrated to that you might find that the choice of Truthis like if I struggle and suffer now my reward will come in the future which isperpetuated by not only religious beliefs but a lot of entrepreneurial sort of like hustle grind porn thathappens that’s so loud yeah well if you change those choices of Truth you can change your future your actions yourpresent your habits but what I find is largely at the rootof most in entrepreneurs and in veryambitious individuals that may not necessarily be entrepreneurs is one simple denominator that is a choiceof Truth I’m not enough and thatpackage of messed up thinking can be brought on by parentsSchool Sports it can be brought on by a life event trauma it doesn’t necessarilymatter but usually at a core we have some kind ofcontest with am I capable of am I worthy of and when we get to the bottom of itthat’s when magic starts to happen and people start to change wow yeah that’s that’s such a huge uh thing that that Iwant to kind of touch on too and I wanna I wanna and I wanted to try and bring this back to you and see how you mighthave experienced that because uh yeah I get the feeling that that anybody thatthat’s kind of had that Revelation had that like aha moment has experienced that feeling of not being enough in someway or or something like that how did that begin for you how did you discover that and what was the change thathappened in you I’ve come face to face with this numbers of times yeah um and I think that’simportant for people to hear like as a coach I’m not here and even that my team like we’re not here to tell you thatwe’re better than and have conquered it we’re here to walk with you through it the numbers of times that I’ve run intothat have always been at growth plates whenever I’m really intentional aboutexpanding I come smack into this andwhat that often looks like for me I’ll give you a couple examples of this but I’ll architect it first what thatusually looks like for me is a lot of fear that’s not real it isn’t even baked in reality it’s it’s like I’m afraid ofuh being on stage I’m afraid of speaking in public I’m afraid of these things and the reality is underneath that I justdon’t believe that I’m good enough for that I don’t believe that I’m good enough period to have the results ofthat so a couple of examples I can remember very vividly my career insoccer so I coached for about 12 years but prior to that I was in college andprior to that I played in high school and sort of Club in the the youth stages when I was in high school Itore my quad and like that injury rippled through every doctor that toldme like look you’re not going to play again is a really serious injury it’s probably best for you to take a long-term healing approach and just setyour boots down like run jog well I was really committed to playing incollege it was like my whole dream playing playing for life was my whole dream and at that time my senior year that’swhen recruiting happened so I didn’t I missed that shot but I remember walking on I like sentemails and letters to the coach at the college that I went to it was a division one college and they opened up a windowfor Walk-Ons to to show up and before that even became like anofficial opportunity I would go play on like the the college campus quad withthe varsity team and all of these thoughts went through my head I kid you not all of these atevery moment whenever I got the ball whenever I left whenever I walked up they’re more handsome than me they’restronger than me they’re faster than me they’re smarter than me they probably have better grades than me they’re probably like rocket scientists whilethey’re also athletes wow that kid’s cool wow he’s got an English accent wow that kid’s really tough and strong and his feet move so fast like everypossible comparison was made and I was so externally motivated I was notinternally motivated I had a chip on my shoulder and I wanted to prove something so I could push through it but deep downman I was terrified that story panned out well I ended up walking onto the team and played throughthe rest of my my college career it showed up again though when I wanted to quit my joband I I did it smart I built side income and and grew and changed and evolved beforeI left so I was I was I didn’t need my job when I quit but I do remember the crisis thathappened on day one of quitting so I quit May 31st 2015. June 1 a party andfor like five days I’m like I’m free yeah right June 6th I got hit with a panic attackthat lasted eight days how am I going to make money who’s my boss I don’t know what to do I have nodirection there’s no structure I’m lost and all of those fears the same fearswith comparison happening like look at all the entrepreneurs I know I’m not them I’m not good enough to be them camecrashing back in and in that phase I didn’t have a place to go anymore I’dalready quit yeah so both of those are examples of of places I’ve confronted itand I confront it on other daily basis that I now know how to deal with it so itdoesn’t get that magnified but it comes from my place in childhood it comes from what I was taught as a kidit comes from me being bullied it comes from me being Outcast and made fun of and to internalize all that real youngisn’t something that was my fault I don’t I don’t blame myself for that I was a kid I was impressionable right butas an adult it is my fault if I don’t work on it and I’ve spent a lot of time and energy working on it yeah so I knowthat a lot of our listeners would would kind of relate to a lot of that bullying and and stuff that they’ve learned as kids like that that actually imprintthose beliefs in us I know I do so can you talk a little bit to that like what what kind of experiences shape that thatParadigm for you I was I was always the like the guy kicked outI was always the last pick and I was always kind of the the kid that youwould include if you had pity at least that was my perception and part of thework has been is this real or is it perception that’s a big part of the the work and some of the coaching structureas well I remember feeling like I would never fit in andhere’s the irony of of that Chronicle in my life now what I desiremost and what many of your listeners you listening right now may aspire to do isto stand out and to be outstanding I was Outcast then that’s different but I wantto be outstanding now so by by Nature I kind of learned what it meant to bealone and independent and on my own and now I understand that’s a strength I’vedone the inner work to kind of heal some of that but I I can remember being picked on forthe way that I looked I can be I was picked on for like the clothes that Ihad on like I never was a cool kid and I had somebody one time this was likeI don’t know four years ago like I don’t know there’s a goofy exchange and they were like oh you’re such a pretty boyand I was like I I have never in my life been called that that’s amazing that’sright thank you oh my gosh and it was it was just such an interesting exchangebecause that was not what I identified as right I was always the guy that waslike the less attractive less cool less liked kid the nerd that was just likeyou you get invited sort of out of uh pain and pity not out of Pride andexcitement and and I know many of us can relate to that and yet I learned almost by default how to standout what a gift yeah that’s so that’s such a cool story I mean because and Iknow that a lot of people can relate to it so thank you for sharing that vulnerable uh you know that thatwe are so primed by what we’ve experienced as as children that we thinkthat that’s what we still are today and you know so but but we’re constantlyshedding that skin we’re constantly growing and so your growth took you to this point where clearly you weren’t thelast person picked you were you know you became great at at soccer you joined adivision one you walked onto a division one soccer field and and started competing with them despite the limitingbeliefs so um what was what was it I think what was there a trigger point in your life or inyour young life where that that switch flipped and you actually were able to tell yourself or at least convinceyourself to work harder than everyone else to achieve how and how did that how did that lookwell I think going the soccer route is the the first time I had ever understoodthe relationship between work and outcome I was I was like naturallypretty good at school and I just kind of figured out how to learn so I didn’t have to worry too much about that piecebut the athletic piece I had to really really segregate myself in order to tofind something now my college career was not Stand Out by any means I struggledwith limiting beliefs once I got there and a really bad mentality that if I could go back and change anything itwould be to go back with my mindset now because I would be a much different player but that Journeyfrom like hey you can walk on to actually being accepted on the teamreally was a commitment to outwork everyone elseand by committing to that a couple things started to fall into place one if I got attention foroutworking somebody I almost couldn’t be rejected right I think the coach Petecaring he just retired so congrats Pete I’m grateful for you and all that you taught me and and like I I don’t thinkhe had a choice but to notice because man at some point it was like dude everyone that’s starting and been onthis team for several years is second and third and fourth who thehell is this kid that just just I’ll worked you right and even if all I waswas a solid practice dummy at least he had to be like well I mean he’s winningyeah the that lesson though really attached a couple different beliefs inmy system and and I always am grateful to share these because I don’t know that we hear them often enoughthere were very talented players on the team that I don’t think worked hardand I was a kid with very little talent that worked hard and that opened up more doors for me andhas opened up more doors for me than any kind of talent hands down flat outthe other thing that changed through the course of soccer is that I’m just a gritty kid and I’m a gritty entrepreneurI’m Relentless if if you beat me you’re gonna have to beat me again and that’s gonna suck for you because I’m gonnathen even if you beat me again I’m gonna come back and you have to beat me a third time and eventually we’re playinga very different game you’re playing to win I’m playing to keep playingand the game at some point is a war of attrition who’s going to quit first and it won’t be me and it taught mesomething interesting about hard work if I just don’t quit I’ll probably get what I want now not everything I wanthowever many of the things that we all want are on the other side of a reallydeep commitment and I think we’re mostly afraid of that commitment wow I love that perspective of of playing to keepplaying versus playing to win because if you’re always playing new keep playing then yeah you’re out you’re you’re outplaying anybody else that’s gonna gonna stop playing over time andso can you can you kind of can you kind of expand on on that that last piecethere that you know that that you are yeah they you know you’re you’re you’replaying to keep playing and you want to um yeah can you just expand on that alittle bit more man I love talking about this because yeah this this is a really hard thing to wrap your mind around whenwhen we start with any Pursuit what we tend to look for is a measurable outcomeokay I worked this this worked I won or I set this goal and I hit itand at a certain point you either run out of goals that feel exciting or you’re just you’re just numbto it all or you realize that the way that you’re living and the way that you’re goingabout your day-to-day is wildly dissatisfactory and that’s because the attachment towins is like a dopamine strike I’m just gonna jab jab jab and you know as manyuh like syringes as you have is how you measure your happiness okay I hit mygoal happy hit my goal Happy Well if you run out of wins and goals you’re goingto run out of Happy and we see this all the time in high performers my Approach has been can I play a gamethat I love so flipping much that no matter whether I win or lose I will keep fighting and I will keepplaying and I will keep laughing and I will keep loving and to do that requires a different criteriathere’s a great way to look at this is to think about a finite and infinite game so a finite game is a couple thingsit’s agreed upon rules fixed number of players and agreed win or loss you alsohave a winner and a loser then you have an infinite game where you have noagreed upon rules no agreed upon number of players and really no criteria forhow you win or lose you get to self-create it yeah entrepreneurship is often played like afinite game I’m number one I made more income I hit more goals we’re the bestin the industry we’re the top in this city we’re the top in the state okay so you’re like jab jab jab coolbut entrepreneurship is also an infinite game the whole game is to keep playing that’s that’s the game I’m playing Ijust want to keep playing this game for the rest of my life I could change Brands build a new book write a new subject delete my whole history and belike you know what I don’t want to do that anymore I can’t believe I did that and to be able to do thatyou have to live by new standards what internal Flamecan you activate and keep burning for the rest of your life and if you can find that and find your Flow Statein that do your Limitless but it’s a different practice and different principle entirelyI totally totally agree with that yeah that finding that finding that flow inthat passion and that thing that you want and uh and and I like the idea ofthe finite versus the infinite game because if you’re if you’re playing that infinite game with no rules uh you knowit seems like you’ve gone down that path in in your life I mean you you jumped out of after it looks like after collegeyou you kind of jumped into the coaching career where you coached female athletes um and um and as a male I’d imagine thatthat was you know that presented its own Challenge and probably its own lessons right um and then you know obviously you youexpanded into different things and we can get to that but I want to get to that that coaching part first what didyou learn from that in the letter play uh that that you that you released laterman I I think that who I am is largely a direct outcome of the young women thattaught me they taught me way more than I taught them I’m pretty confident in that I had been aroundthe ecosystem of sports where toughness and rigor and discipline and likeeverything manly was like the thing and when I got to coach some girls initiallyit it like broke every system I couldn’t I couldn’t like pushI had to flow they taught me how to be responsive versus reactive one thingabout sports that I will forever appreciate and that we can appreciate here in this moment I could neverprepare a halftime speech which means that no matter what I might want to say at the beginning of the gamebut it’s all based on the half I couldn’t prepare it had to just be real and authentic and that’s very much theway I coach now and it’s the way that I’m here today like I don’t have a prepared speech I’m just here to findthe groove that feels correct that was one big lesson the other is thatemotional intelligence was far superior to athletic intelligence in that space my ability to like connect with them aspeople allowed me to push them and that’s really true in the space ofcoaching now and even get out of your own way the whole team is really bought into this this practice until someone trusts you you can’t pushthem you have to get to trust first and what they would say and this is a reallyawesome compliment they would say like coach Aaron you you pushed me harder than any other coach but I knew thateven when I was angry or frustrated or upset or like really down on myself Iknew that you had my best intention in mind and that’s really important like I could take a lot of lesson from that commenthmm another big lesson from them was that no matter what happens in thesports arena we are people Beyond it and performance on the field is largelydictated by the ecosystem off the field and a confident player was a successfulplayer in my opinion to build that took a lot of work sometimes sometimes I hadto rebuild confidence I had to like mend psyches andI think that’s true for all of us but in particular with girls like I never understood this as a guy through middleschool mostly because I was going through my own but but as a guy that watched this they had to be so muchthat was contradictory it was like they had to be athletic but then they alsohad to be like gentle and they had to be like strong and then they had to be like the weaker gender and then then likeeverything they had to be like like sexy but like attractive but then they werealso expected to be like like don’t grow up too fast like it was just so conflicting and man I dealt with thingslike like um like weight issues and Body Image Idealt with things like mental health disorders and and eating disorders I dealt with parental death and challengesat home like all of it and I I was just a soccer coach I was like 23 years oldwhen I started I didn’t sign up for that and yet because I committed to helping them become the best young women they could Itook that stuff on and they they showed me what I was capable of handling in somany ways I’m so grateful for that group many times well not a lot of not a lot of people would would take the time to really lookat those differences I mean I feel like a lot of a lot of coaches out there and maybe I’m wrong but would would takethat on and just try to try to stick this stick the the round peg in the square hole or whatever they need to doto do it but you took it on and you you learned the lessons there and if you could give any advice tomaybe other coaches or other men in that space or or parents like what would belike the maybe the two or three pieces of advice you would give to parents of young female athletesso the book aptly titled let her play would would be one piece of advice thethe largest problem I ran into was players experiencing guilt sadness shame or disorientation because what theirparents wanted was different from what they wanted their parents wanted wins success accolades achievement and they justwanted to play or they didn’t want to play and their parents wanted them to live out their childhood dream of playing soccer in college so that’s onethe other piece of advice for this is probably more for coaches than parents but I think it’s relative to bothwe coaches tend to think we have the answers and sometimes we do I also thinkthe value of being a coach is sometimes asking you questions and if we do that we have to be prepared to listen andsometimes the players had better insights than I did and that might beyou know how do we adjust your position are you in the right position it might be uh what what do you think the teamneeds right now like I got a lot of value out of playing laser tag just like I did a practice sometimes the teamneeded that so sometimes listening is better than speaking when you’re a coach yeah andthen my last one I’ll share here for a parent and if if you want more of this let her play is a good look and I’mworking on let him play so that’s coming out later uh but if you’re if you’re really interested in change one of thebest places to look for opportunities to helpyour daughter in sports is in the car ride home it’s where the most damage is donepeople are getting like crushing their their kids in a car they’re like did yousee that Shannon was open in the middle oh wow you know uh next time you knowmake sure that you strike with your left foot like if she has not invited a conversation for critique it is not theplace to offer it and a parent should be really mindful of the conversation theyhave in the car because unlike any other conversation that you might have there is no way out and whena kid feels trapped one of two things happens either they are going to internalize that critical voice and it’sgoing to be the voice that follows her for the rest of her life when she applies for a job she’s going to be like you’re probably missing something you’regoing to miss that pass to Shannon or when she goes to take on a big responsibility she’s gonna be like Ican’t I missed that pass to Shannon I’m going to miss this too so that’s one or she will learn to buryall of her hurt and pain and sadness and emotionally will like clam up and forthe rest of her life she will be trying to figure out how do I emotionally express myself because it’s never beensafe and that is such a bigger impact than any loss on a soccer field a baseballfield a softball field will ever have parents should be really wary of howthey enter that conversation let her play has a framework about it if they need it but even if it’s just anawareness thing be hyper mindful that is a breeding ground for self-contentthat’s a great that’s great advice and I appreciate that as someone with a young daughter now knowing that that uh youknow that there’s that there’s ways to handle these things that that that you’ve learned through thatexperience and and from both sides you know being on a men’s team coaching women’s teams and um and that thatcoaching had evolved from there and I know I’m probably skipping a whole lot of life here but um but you know you youtook that coaching on into something called the money club which is you know which is was really helping withfinancial education how did how did that transition come along and and what was what was the approach there and and howare you helping people to learn more about Finance being around kids for a lot of time yeahit kind of just brought it brought to light there’s something missing in schoolI was at that time studying a lot of money A friend of mine named Josh he and I came together and we’re like maybe wecan put this this like two-lane Highway into an intersectionso like any entrepreneurship Endeavor the goal is to take two things that areunlike and make them like so we took this idea of learning about money allthe things we wish we were taught as a kid and we combined it with this idea of sport so we made a sport out of moneyand we started a non-profit it wasn’t called money Club at the time but thethe goal then was to to create an experience where someone could learn about money mostly through failureand so we engineered this game we get a whole movement happening we grow it andthe nonprofit space doesn’t really yield well so we decide to go into Venture and we we raised some private money someventure-backed uh money comes in and we’re able to build scale because we knew that an in-person sport wouldn’twork well along that line what we had Learned was thatkids need to learn about money adults need to learn about money a lot of people need to learn about money and ifwe’re going to really tackle this we’ve gotta we’ve got to be growing ourselves so it forced me to reallystart to learn and study and find mentors Etc because at that time I’m like I don’t know 26 years old yeah thefocus on kids though was our mission and one of the hardest things that has beena part of the money Club journey is that we had we had raised capital and we had spent a year and a half building anonline platform that would have let us scale it made teaching really easy it stillexists it makes so that a teacher a counselor doesn’t need to master money to be able to conversate and communicateabout it so really great tool and we finished in February 2020.so like six three weeks after we finished a 275 000 buildeducation like shut down and we we lost every contract we lostevery proposal every RFP that we had worked hard to create was gonewow so in in sort of the chaos of that we ended up pivoting into workplaceWellness we had a lot of conversations during covet I’m like hey adults here’s how you navigate this very uncertainwater with your finances here’s how you can plan here’s how you can remediate all of those thingsstarted to be conversations and then before you knew it we had built out acurriculum where we would come into a company and offer workplace benefits so to make that long story very clearwhat we had done over the course of about seven years is built a staircase from like young adults all the way towealth of how you build how you understand how you learn how you grow with money andI I don’t think I was nearly the leader that I needed to be in a lot of ways I had a lot of growing up to do but I wasreally passionate about it and just like soccer my hard work and the team’s hard work is what kept us moving forward whenmany closed the whole mission there is that I and our team believe that if yougive someone Financial intelligence it changes the person it changes the familyit changes the community it changes the business all of that and we wanted toreplicate Financial education because it’s largely missing everywhere yeah ohI can I can definitely uh relate to that and and understand that and do you feelthat that also comes that that lack of financial intelligence or or some of ourparadigms are tied into our values or our beliefs as we’re say growing up kind of going back to that that a lot ofthose those beliefs are shaped in that that time by how our parents might be uhhave a relationship with money or how those we know we have relationships with money and how do we and how how do webreak that and re-reconnect a new relationship it’s a really powerful question and one of the one of the hardParts about topics of personal finance that I think goes undiscussedit’s really personal it’s like different for everybody we have our own valueswhat we buy what we like Etc like you put any two couples together and you’re like hey what areyou buying like to spend your money on and you ask the other person like what are you buy and spend your money on they’re probably different so evolvingyour relationship with money is a very personal process I I do think though thatall transformation starts in awareness and if you’re going to change your relationship with money you got to firstknow where you are and what got you there or you might have a bad relationship with debt you might haveuh really big spending problem you might not wantto take on more than one credit card you might not know anything about investing like until you are moderately aware it’shard to change your relationship with money Adam I love the way you said that like it’s it’s ourrelationship with money it’s not money it’s our relationship with it and you know some some of you listeningthey have a toxic relationship with money you gotta break up with that girlfriend boyfriend friend whatever it is you got you got breakupand then you can form a healthier Bond sometimes education can catalyze thatsometimes it requires an event to catalyze that my hope is that you cancatch it before the event because the event is never a good event uh but transformation takes time ittakes effort and energy and if if you’re willing to learn challenge your own beliefs unlearn what you may think youknow you can actually make tremendous change in your financial future without a without having like millions in thebank or even money in the bank it’s your relationship with money that’s got to change first that that’s uh and I don’tknow if you agree with this but that that’s really true of any relationship or any anything that you want any transformation it’s it’s either going tohappen uh before the event occurs and so hopefully you can catch it then or it’s going to be a an event typically thattransformation to be a bad event you know you’ve uh it’s a health scare it’syou know a DUI or any things like that yeah so um so it’s certainly true with withmoney as well um and uh uh so you know one of the key takeaways that I’m kind of getting fromthis conversation which is which is really great is is that you know you’ve developed a sense of humility throughthis whole process even though you’re you know young and starting all of these things and and you know experiencing alot of these different Transformations how did you build that humility and and how does that humble nature play intowhat you you know your coaching is now and how you’re how you’re helping other people to succeedhumility is a really good word to to unpackI’ll I’m going to explain two definitions of humility one that I lived byand ascribe to and then one that has evolved from a lot of work humility to me meant downplaypeople pleasing self-sacrificeand in almost so many ways undervaluing myselfthat’s what humility showed up as I always I think it’s a noble traitbut it came with all these nefarious agendas attached to it it by so manyterms was a limiting belief and a limiting commitmentum the way I describe humility nowis five words humility being humble is ownershipwith awareness and service that helped free me from a lot of reallymessed up tethers because the other way was like don’t don’t brag don’t sayyou’re good at it don’t be good at it actually just fit in with the crowd just hide yeah and this new definition allowsme to to think of this entirely different I’m not humble when I’munsuccessful because what kind of humble world am I actually creating I’mcreating like suppression is humility if I own that I’m really good I’m a reallygood coach I have helped a lot of people make a lot of change in their life and I’m really good at it and if Iunderstand with awareness that there’s a time and a place to say that and a time and a place not to say that maybe a wayto say that that’s connective a way to say that it’s off-putting now I’ve got a different mechanism here because nowwhat I’m doing is I’m I’m still aware of my strength and some of you listening have amazing strengths and you shouldnever have to downplay that I’m really good at this there’s a way to say that that’s ownership there’s a way to saythat it’s arrogance the service part is also important this is where the humility really ties in ifyou have awareness and you have and you can offer service help people I I haveno problem coming down to wherever anyone is I will pick up garbage I willhelp someone like rake leaves if we’re putting together an event sometimes I have to tell myself like hey you’ve alsogot your responsibilities to handle because I’m over here helping everyone else but I’ve got no issue with any kindof hierarchy none because from a place of service that is humility to me andthat redefinition really freed me from having to suppress myself my characterand my strengths it set me free wow that’s that’s a great definition andI appreciate that because looking at both sides of that you know you could find The Faults andyou could find the superpowers you know Finding finding the faults of well on one side of the coin you’re being apeople pleaser if you’re not intentional about it and that I mean there’s there’s there’s uh good and bad in really anynoble words or or or or or you know seemingly negative words I mean we talkabout there being super powers in fear as well yeah but the way I wanted to pack the uh ownership and awareness andservice in there again um a little bit more because with regards to awareness what is that whatdoes that awareness look like is it just being aware of of what you know how you’re living in that experience or oraware of your own uh uh your own strength or what it what does that look liketo me it’s an awareness of the ecosystem that you’re inbecause there’s not always a place to own outwardly you can sometimes own internallyand it’s an awareness of why you want to share so for example if I’m in a room of ofkids what I may need to own is that you know I’ve I’ve built an awesome life and it’s taught me a lot I’ve also had towork very hard for it so if I if I can own that my intention for sharing is and the awareness I haveis like I I’m here to help these kids can I show them an example of what’s possible there might be another ecosystem wherein a in a group of men I deeply want to share and likeoutwardly own that things are going great and I’m growing and everything’s awesome because I want them to respect meand in that case my ownership might be internal hey you are strong you don’tneed to prove it to anybody here you don’t need to say it it doesn’t need to be said and I think understanding the context ofwhy you share is a is a deep set of work we really have to understand our motivations and be able to hear our owninner child and what he is screaming for he or she andmy sense is that when we go to share we often have the Top Line agenda and thebottom line agenda and in developing more awareness these things start to overlap and they just become one agendaand in like developing awareness is a really hard thing it takes a lot of time yeahso it sort of masks the like difficulty of this but as you build awareness what you may find is that you’re sharing forreasons that aren’t necessary and missing the chances to share where it’s most meaningful and when you say hey Iremember having a a basic job and now I have like a really fulfilling lifestyle where I get to help people all the timebecome more bright and I’m so proud of that and I’m very proud of myself and Ialso am so proud of all the people that have helped me that you know that that’s coming from the right place and landingin the right place and if you can figure that piece out even with clunky practice I really feel like you can make a dentbecause we need people that are great at what they do and to tell people they’re great at what they do because they can make a dent in the world if they do thatabsolutely yeah absolutely so it sounds like that ownership piece comes first soyou own it you own what you’re you’re good at you own that piece and then you then you then you have this awareness ofyour environment your ecosystem of whatever you’re participating in and interpret that as as far as how you canbest serve in that Community is that fair to say I love this one I no it willyeah it’s that’s a that’s a beautiful way of looking at it I appreciate you kind of you sharing thatum and I guess it begs the question too is everybody coachablethat’s a bit of a loaded work question but it is your thoughts on that I I don’t think so uh I’ve had to turnpeople away and uh interestingly when people ask about coaching depending onwhether or not I have space I will sometimes put them through hoops to see like hey are you coachable heyfill this form out the form has deep questions it’s not a two-word answer yeahI think that the reason we may or may not be coachable is largely about howwilling are we to look in the mirror and self-assess to me if you’re willing to look in themirror you’re coachable most people don’t want to look in the mirror and take responsibility for where they are what they’ve got who they are whothey’re becoming and it’s impossible to be coachable if you haven’t accepted your responsibilitybecause as a coach I cannot make any dream happen I can only accelerate the speed at whichit happens and that’s a really important thing right I can’t steer a car that’s not moving I can’t guide a bowling ballthat’s not rolling I have to have some kind of movement I can help you go get to the goal faster and probably moreaccurately but you’re not coachable unless you’re already in motion and being in Motion inthis case in the coaching container is are you willing to look at yourself in the mirror and take responsibility takeresponsibility for for everything all of everything that’s affecting that person yeah yeahyour your Tendencies your patterns your placement your results your habits yourbeliefs uh did I say habits because habits habits habits habits habits andmost probably most centrally knowing that uh this can can rufflefeathers you have to be willing to take responsibility for what you don’t haveand it’s very easy to to look externally for that yeah and that’s that’s always that’salways a tough one because when we get into that victim mentality of like this stuff is happening to meI can’t I have no control over it I have no responsibility over it uh you know that that’s a dangerousplace and that’s it’s it’s you know it’s a place that causes addiction causes paincauses trauma and when we’re stuck there as you say we’re not coachable and that’s also a dangerous place if wecan’t be coachable we can’t grow well we’re not growing we’re not getting fulfilled so uh I appreciate theclarification on that responsibility is is the place to start looking in the mirror is that is thatplace to start um and so when when you’re looking at at so Iimagine people who are coming to you for coaching have have reached something of a they feel stuck they’re feeling likethey’re you know um they’re they’re feeling like maybe they reached a plateau what what is yourum what is your process of breakthrough how uh if if there is one or or is therea something you take people through to help help them to get beyond their limitations and fears to get to thepoint they want to get to a plateau is an interesting place and I think we tend to discount itfor not being meaningful when we’re on a growth curve for a long time in personal development or inentrepreneurship we hit a plateau and we’re like something’s wrong ah fire right andI first think it’s important to reclassify what a plateau is if if we’veencountered a space where we’re not growing as much one of two things is happening either we are not clear on what hike whatjourney is next or would you not have the skills materials team whatever you want to callit ready for that next Journey when you reframe it that way then it’s like okay am I clear on my next Journeyprobably not I’m probably at a place of like well I’ve gotten here and I don’t know what’s next I’m not sure I’m not I’m not clearit is fuzzy it’s murky or it’s misconfiguredthe other is maybe I know how to get there I’m just I’m not the guy maybe mybelief is that I’m not the guy or I’m not the person or I’m not capable or I don’t have the team in place like I seethat this is possible but I I just don’t have the team and everymajor hike begins with a team or if you want to climb Everest you’ve got a teamyou ain’t going alone that’s dangerous so similar to what I know you’ve helpedmany do with a triathlon you’ve got multiple phases in that journey and it all starts with I’m going to sign up forthat but when we hit a plateau we’re we’re not sure what to sign up forand once you make the decision of this is where I want to go then the growth starts again but I find that people wantto rush out of plateaus because they don’t like the discomfort of not knowing and that’s a great place to ask thequestions that’s like the magic like don’t no don’t leave right now don’t don’t exit I know it’s uncomfortable tosit in silence right but it’s really important because something in your system is telling youwhatever you’ve been doing isn’t working anymore you’ve got to make change and we tend to just like find theimmediate outlet and all of a sudden we’re like lost in the same problem that we just hadagain because we didn’t stop long enough to figure it out it’s it’s like uh theGPS has not yet finished recalculating and we just turn so we have to sit in that discomfort fora little while and I think that many many entrepreneurs getto a plateau and they it’s like warning signs and I would say that if if you’re in a plateau or you feel like you’reapproaching one the best thing to do is to like welcome it okay yeah scale back a little bit let me take a break let melike make two hours a day of of free time let me get back to my values thatback to the things that I started this journey for the first place based on like that kind of stuff opens you upbecause otherwise you’re copy pasting the same problem and gonna perpetuate iteven further yeah that’s so that’s so huge I mean just the idea that and ifyou’re feeling discomfort in a lot of things a lot of times that could just be a signal that you do need to recalibrate and re-look at what you what you needand just ask the questions get curious I mean maybe it’s that you know you talk about the awareness of being aware andthe power of being aware that all transformation starts with awareness usually the next step is getting curiousabout it and then like they’ve taken that Curiosity and finding out where where that next leap is going to comefrom so that’s huge huge advice man Aaron I wish we could talk for another hour because it’s this has been huge butI I have to ask you because I wanted to I know you’re you’re you’re you’re you just had a a new baby you a new fatherhow has that changed your perspective in your life has it changed in any way orit has nothing that I’ve ever gone in in every capacityentrepreneurship Pursuits passions friendships nothing’sbeen forever it’s the first thing that’s been forever I’m gonna die forever and that’s got its own gravity to it andits own unique like awesome flavor to it as well umit’s presented a lens of of change in a lot of ways and there have been a lot ofhard circumstances that I’ve had to navigate around change outside of that that come fromthat so it’s it definitely invites a new uh like palette and a different tastefor things it has been a beautiful process and then a clunky process chaotic processuh but it’s also one where I’m learning a lot but he’steaching me a lot he’s six months old to be seven months old tomorrow like he’s teaching me a lot and I’m reallygrateful for that chance to have to regularly learn in a new way all the timedo you feel that you were prepared well given your experience you know working with kids and in the past and all ofthis kind of stuff I chuckle because uh so Emerson is uh almost seven months andseven months ago I was like we didn’t know the gender so I’m like girl girl girl because I’m like I know at least Iknow like at least what what 10 to 17 and I know that space right I think thatI feel some sense of understanding of what he will needthe baby phase is very new to me and and very difficult for me so I’m trying to give myself a lot of Grace and offer alot of patience to myself because this is this is not a uh easyexperience given what I already know it’s wildly different wow yeah it’s it’s uh it’sI mean there’s a lot of there’s a lot of beauty a lot of pain a lot of Joy a lotof everything that’s you know coming and um but it’s also wonderful and so I’mreally happy for you on that and I I’m one of the key you know takeaways I got from this conversation I’m very gratefulfor what was beautiful about this is that in every you know direction we went we went a lotof different directions and I’m hoping we could do a round two and go deeper on a lot of this stuff but uh you know I Ilearned that you know from from the aspect of a coach a lifelong coach that you are really that you are constantlylearning and you’re learning from people and there’s that there is that sense of of awareness and curiosity andcontinuous growth from your end which is which is hugely powerful and it’s one of the reasons I love this format too is Iget to learn from people like you so selfishly I’m grateful for that but um any uh uh where can people find you andwhat uh uh um and you you’ve got a new uh well you’ve got a book coming uh uh tell us alittle bit about that too well let her play came out in 2020. I decided that especially with the Sun theplan was always to do a Let him play but in 2020 like sports stopped so I was like let me cool this down let him playas sort of an homage and a tribute to me becoming a dad so it’s less I have a lotof experience and more here are the commitments that based on my experience I’d like to make as a dad and here’s what you can learn too so I’m reallyexcited about that I’m not sure when that’ll be out but I plan on releasing that this yearum get out of your own way you know if you’re if you find yourself stuck or at a plateau you can just go to are you inyour ownway.com and learn about what we have going on just just reach out to us schedule a call and we’ll figure out how we canhelp we’ve got a retreat in May and in July that is coming up we’ll probably do one in quarter three or two and then inquarter four as well so those are Avenues where if people are ready for change but want to beaccelerated or want help and support through it we’ve got lots of different options that we have availableum and you know I think I’m I’m just I’m learning how to be of better serviceso if people listen to this and they want to reach me like send me a message on Instagram it’s it’s Aaron valky it’snot cryptic send me a message tell me what you learned tell me what you want more of so that I can continue to takeeverything that I’ve learned and the resources that I have and the network that I have and pour them back in like Ireally believe in that service piece I will own what I’m great at and what I’m doing I will also stay aware that I canlearn way more and I don’t know all the answers and I will regularly lay down everything I can to be of service so I’mopen if anybody wants help awesome and I can definitely speak to that uh in the short time I’veknown you Aaron you’ve been incredibly given incredibly service focused you know in in the groups that in thecircles that we are are in you are a leader in those groups and uh and I’m grateful for it I’ve learned a lot fromyou and uh appreciate you having having you here and uh it’s everyone else out there thanks for joining us um thank youAaron valky for joining me talk to you all soon thanks Adam hey everyone Thanks for tuning in to theflow over fear podcast if you’d like to learn more about getting into flow andlearn the foundations of flow I have a free video series on my website atwww.adamcliffordill.com called the foundations of flow feel free to gothere and download it and start your journey to Rising above fear and achieving greater flow in your life ifyou like this episode and I’m guessing you did if you stuck around for this long then please do me a favor and hitthe Subscribe button and you will receive notifications when I have new interviews new Recaps and new trainingsthat pop up on YouTube thanks again for joining us [Music]thank you