Get Out of Your Own Way With Aaron Velky -

Everyone’s relationship with money is personal. Whether you have a bad relationship with debt or you have a serious spending problem, or you’re scared of investing, we all have our own dynamics when it comes to personal finance. Often the common denominator of feeling stuck with any goal, is that we get in our own way.

In today’s episode, Adam speaks with Aaron Velky, all about personal finance, creating systems, playing to win vs. playing to keep playing, and the huge role awareness plays in transformation. Aaron is a keynote speaker, CEO, and coach. His career has been dedicated to building movements and helping companies and leaders get out of their own way. Aaron is the CEO of Money Club, an economic empowerment and financial wellness organization that blends personal finance with personal development. He is also the author of Let Her Play, a guide for sports coaches and parents that coach female athletes outside of the professional sphere.

Here are some power takeaways from today’s conversation:

The power of systems
Overcoming the feeling of being not enough
The relationship between hard work and the outcome
Playing to keep playing vs. playing to win
Learning to be responsive vs. reactive
Why parents should be mindful of car conversations with their kids
How personal finance is different for everybody
Building a great relationship with money
All transformation starts from awareness and curiosity.

Episode Highlights:

[05:15] The Power of Systems

Whatever your lane is, systems can help you stay in your lane. There are some deficiencies that we might have to grow and nurture, and at the same time double-down on what you’re best at. Systems can be people. It can be a person that takes on your responsibilities or a niche of your business. A system could be an automated software or an online tool to help you go from Point A to Point B much faster and more efficiently. Having a system in place gets you into a flow state.

[10:24] Overcoming the Mindset of Being Not Enough

Many entrepreneurs deal with impostor syndrome, thinking they’re not enough. This kind of messed up thinking can be brought on by parents, school, sports, or any life event or trauma. But you have to get to the bottom of it to realize how much you’re capable of and how much you’re worthy and then the magic starts to happen.

[19:25] The Relationship Between Hard Work and Outcome

Many of the things we want require deep commitment. However, many of us, too, are afraid of commitment. We look for a measurable outcome, set this goal, and then we hit it. And at a certain point, you either run out of goals that feel exciting, or you’re just numb to it all. Or you realize that the way that you’re living and the way that you’re going about your day-to-day is wildly dissatisfactory. And that’s because the attachment to win is like a dopamine strike. If you run out of wins and goals, you’re going to run out of happiness. We see this all the time in high performers. And so, play a game that you love so much that you don’t care about the outcome and you just love to keep playing.

[38:24] On Personal Finance

If you give someone financial intelligence, it changes not only the person, but also the family, the community, and the business. Your relationship with money is a very personal process. If you’re going to change your relationship with money, first know where you are, and what got you there. Until you are moderately aware, it’s hard to change.

Resources Mentioned:

Get Out of Your Own Way

Let Her Play

Money Club

Transcript

evolving your relationship with money is a very personal process I I do think though that
all transformation starts at awareness and if you’re going to change your relationship with money you got to first
know where you are and what got you there or you might have a bad relationship with debt you might have
uh really big spending problem you might not want
to take on more than one credit card you might not know anything about investing like until you are moderately aware it’s
hard to change hello everyone and welcome to the flow over fear podcast where it is our
mission to help you to rise above fear and realize your ultimate potential in
leadership and life I’m your host Adam Hill and it is my goal to share with you
the human side of high performance my guests share their experience with fear anxiety struggle Challenge and most
importantly despite all of it how they Rose above it to achieve incredible
results so if you’re ready to rise up let’s get started hey everyone welcome
to flow over fear I have a great guest today I’m really excited about this one
uh Aaron valky is a keynote speaker a CEO and coach his career has been dedicated to
building movements companies and leaders get out of your own way which is his coaching company helps successful
entrepreneurs to find a clear Direction in their lives and their business they
find more Revenue they find more freedom and they find more purpose in their lives and their business he leads
Retreats and Leadership training I know he’s got a retreat coming up in May that we’re going to talk about leadership
trainings for hundreds of people across the United States creating change for
other emerging leaders and companies he’s the CEO of money Club an economic empowerment and financial Wellness
organization that blends personal finance with personal development and he’s the author of a guidebook called
let her play which is a guide for sports coaches and parents that coach female
athletes outside of the professional sphere Aaron is a dad a new dad a comic book nerd and
an adrenaline junkie and we’re going to jump into a lot of that today thanks for joining me Erin I appreciate it thanks
for having me Adam and I’m really excited to be here really grateful to be here yeah me too man this is uh this is great and and just you know reading
through your bio you’re doing a lot of incredible things but you’re doing a lot of a lot of different things which is
really cool how do you balance all of that stuff how do you how do you kind of how do you juggle all of the knives so
to speak and make sure that you’re getting balance in your own life I have learned to let go of balance in
some ways to uh to use the the moniker that’s in
your background right the the flow that I tend to find is letting go of balance
and always finding my way to Harmony and then I like the word harmony a little bit better because it puts less of a
pressure on equality so to say I find myself wildly out of balance a lot
however I like to think of Harmony as you know I can swing all the way up to one side of
the keyboard and if I hit the right notes they still harmonize they still work together so that’s sort of the way that I think
about it the way that it happens in practicality is systems really good organization
and more than anything I try to pay attention to what matters and absolutely
let go of what doesn’t that’s it yeah that’s fascinating that you’re mentioning the systems and things
like that and I love that approach on balance meaning you’re you’re kind of so it sounds like you’re letting go of of
balance but approaching more Harmony I really really dig that uh because I I
always hear uh professionals and high Achievers say that they’re trying to
find balance but struggling with it I never hear uh professionals and high Achievers saying I finally found that
balance uh so fighting Harmony that’s that’s huge but the idea of using systems this has come up a few times in
a couple of different interviews uh as a way to kind of get over the stress get over the anxiety and get over just the
chaos uh how how are you using those systems and organization to really help
fuel you and make you a better leader and juggle all this stuff um
systems have helped me in systems by Design are intended to do
this but I’ve spent a lot of time avoiding them now I have a much better relationship with systems and systems
help me stay in the thing that I’m great at and even understanding that can help
someone go from no systems to three or four or five much faster than it took me
systems keep you where you’re great if that’s true and you’re great at conversations have more conversations
you’ll do well in business and you’ll do well with the outcomes of relationships and the power of the network
if you’re really good at Excel sheets cool then systemize the other pieces whatever your lane is it can help you
stay in your lane and I find that most of what happens even in the space
of personal development is like take your weaknesses and work on them
and to some extent I understand that there are some deficiencies that we might have to cover and grow and nurture
and also double triple quadruple down on what you’re best at and I’ve found that
when you do that things happen systems can be people can be a person that takes
on your responsibilities or a niche of your business can be a system for groceries I don’t grocery shop anymore
because I know that the drive to the grocery store the shopping and then the drive home is a two-hour task that takes
me away from the thing I’m best at and a system could be an automated software or
some kind of tool that’s available online to help you go from A to B or C much faster and when you start to open
up to like oh I think I could systemize this what naturally happens is you end up
more in your Flow State and I’m a believer that when you’re in your Flow State you win
wow that’s been a huge Revelation for me uh recently as I’ve listened to people
like yourself talk about these kinds of things because I’ve noticed that that that you and others like you are
are so able to just achieve more when they when they have that realization that you can lean lean more heavily into
the things that you’re good at and that you enjoy and is is that is that really the thing that you’re are you
attributing things that you’re good at to what you enjoy or how are you finding
that that lane that you want to be in that’s such a great question I do think there’s a really important Venn diagram
in there ideally you want to find the the middle right where they overlap if you’re good
at it and you enjoy it oh man have you found the win if it’s only one of those then there may
be an opportunity to strip it down dilute it change it adapt it so it is
enjoyable generally speaking though we are wired chemically
to enjoy things we’re good at we’re just like programmed to look for oh I enjoy
this almost because I’m good at it just like we enjoy winning just like we enjoy the the rush of the victory we’re kind
of naturally predisposed to find it yeah if if there’s anything though that creates more flow it’s getting things
out of the way so my company name get out of your own way is sort of this
mentality if you can remove the things that are holding you back usually it’s
us the beliefs the patterns that we have you’re probably Gonna Fly because we’re
we’re meant to fly and if everyone is taking the thing that they’re best at
and leaning into that and has systemized around that you end up with a bunch of super people
who are just cool high functioning High achieving people that not only do well
but they do well for others yeah so that’s that’s a great segue too into uh
into kind of what you’re what you do as a coaching practice here so it it sounds like you’re kind of helping people with
systems but really getting people to to address their limiting beliefs and everything like that so what is it that
it what what are you finding that is is most often the thing that’s in our way
what what like I know we ourselves are probably in our own way but what what part of that is it makes makes it so we
that prevents us from progressing well I like to think of
let’s first Define a belief because I think this is important when when I
looked up the word belief in the dictionary like three weeks ago and in
the definition is the word belief I was flabbergasted just so circular it’s a
really hard thing to Define so the way I Define a belief is it is a choice of Truth
now that almost immediately can help someone with reconstructing their whole
world you might find that the choice of truth that you have is
that you have to work incredibly hard to be successful yeah well that’s going to
take you a certain direction your life is going to end up calibrated to that you might find that the choice of Truth
is like if I struggle and suffer now my reward will come in the future which is
perpetuated by not only religious beliefs but a lot of entrepreneurial sort of like hustle grind porn that
happens that’s so loud yeah well if you change those choices of Truth you can change your future your actions your
present your habits but what I find is largely at the root
of most in entrepreneurs and in very
ambitious individuals that may not necessarily be entrepreneurs is one simple denominator that is a choice
of Truth I’m not enough and that
package of messed up thinking can be brought on by parents
School Sports it can be brought on by a life event trauma it doesn’t necessarily
matter but usually at a core we have some kind of
contest with am I capable of am I worthy of and when we get to the bottom of it
that’s when magic starts to happen and people start to change wow yeah that’s that’s such a huge uh thing that that I
want to kind of touch on too and I wanna I wanna and I wanted to try and bring this back to you and see how you might
have experienced that because uh yeah I get the feeling that that anybody that
that’s kind of had that Revelation had that like aha moment has experienced that feeling of not being enough in some
way or or something like that how did that begin for you how did you discover that and what was the change that
happened in you I’ve come face to face with this numbers of times yeah um and I think that’s
important for people to hear like as a coach I’m not here and even that my team like we’re not here to tell you that
we’re better than and have conquered it we’re here to walk with you through it the numbers of times that I’ve run into
that have always been at growth plates whenever I’m really intentional about
expanding I come smack into this and
what that often looks like for me I’ll give you a couple examples of this but I’ll architect it first what that
usually looks like for me is a lot of fear that’s not real it isn’t even baked in reality it’s it’s like I’m afraid of
uh being on stage I’m afraid of speaking in public I’m afraid of these things and the reality is underneath that I just
don’t believe that I’m good enough for that I don’t believe that I’m good enough period to have the results of
that so a couple of examples I can remember very vividly my career in
soccer so I coached for about 12 years but prior to that I was in college and
prior to that I played in high school and sort of Club in the the youth stages when I was in high school I
tore my quad and like that injury rippled through every doctor that told
me like look you’re not going to play again is a really serious injury it’s probably best for you to take a long-term healing approach and just set
your boots down like run jog well I was really committed to playing in
college it was like my whole dream playing playing for life was my whole dream and at that time my senior year that’s
when recruiting happened so I didn’t I missed that shot but I remember walking on I like sent
emails and letters to the coach at the college that I went to it was a division one college and they opened up a window
for Walk-Ons to to show up and before that even became like an
official opportunity I would go play on like the the college campus quad with
the varsity team and all of these thoughts went through my head I kid you not all of these at
every moment whenever I got the ball whenever I left whenever I walked up they’re more handsome than me they’re
stronger than me they’re faster than me they’re smarter than me they probably have better grades than me they’re probably like rocket scientists while
they’re also athletes wow that kid’s cool wow he’s got an English accent wow that kid’s really tough and strong and his feet move so fast like every
possible comparison was made and I was so externally motivated I was not
internally motivated I had a chip on my shoulder and I wanted to prove something so I could push through it but deep down
man I was terrified that story panned out well I ended up walking onto the team and played through
the rest of my my college career it showed up again though when I wanted to quit my job
and I I did it smart I built side income and and grew and changed and evolved before
I left so I was I was I didn’t need my job when I quit but I do remember the crisis that
happened on day one of quitting so I quit May 31st 2015. June 1 a party and
for like five days I’m like I’m free yeah right June 6th I got hit with a panic attack
that lasted eight days how am I going to make money who’s my boss I don’t know what to do I have no
direction there’s no structure I’m lost and all of those fears the same fears
with comparison happening like look at all the entrepreneurs I know I’m not them I’m not good enough to be them came
crashing back in and in that phase I didn’t have a place to go anymore I’d
already quit yeah so both of those are examples of of places I’ve confronted it
and I confront it on other daily basis that I now know how to deal with it so it
doesn’t get that magnified but it comes from my place in childhood it comes from what I was taught as a kid
it comes from me being bullied it comes from me being Outcast and made fun of and to internalize all that real young
isn’t something that was my fault I don’t I don’t blame myself for that I was a kid I was impressionable right but
as an adult it is my fault if I don’t work on it and I’ve spent a lot of time and energy working on it yeah so I know
that a lot of our listeners would would kind of relate to a lot of that bullying and and stuff that they’ve learned as kids like that that actually imprint
those beliefs in us I know I do so can you talk a little bit to that like what what kind of experiences shape that that
Paradigm for you I was I was always the like the guy kicked out
I was always the last pick and I was always kind of the the kid that you
would include if you had pity at least that was my perception and part of the
work has been is this real or is it perception that’s a big part of the the work and some of the coaching structure
as well I remember feeling like I would never fit in and
here’s the irony of of that Chronicle in my life now what I desire
most and what many of your listeners you listening right now may aspire to do is
to stand out and to be outstanding I was Outcast then that’s different but I want
to be outstanding now so by by Nature I kind of learned what it meant to be
alone and independent and on my own and now I understand that’s a strength I’ve
done the inner work to kind of heal some of that but I I can remember being picked on for
the way that I looked I can be I was picked on for like the clothes that I
had on like I never was a cool kid and I had somebody one time this was like
I don’t know four years ago like I don’t know there’s a goofy exchange and they were like oh you’re such a pretty boy
and I was like I I have never in my life been called that that’s amazing that’s
right thank you oh my gosh and it was it was just such an interesting exchange
because that was not what I identified as right I was always the guy that was
like the less attractive less cool less liked kid the nerd that was just like
you you get invited sort of out of uh pain and pity not out of Pride and
excitement and and I know many of us can relate to that and yet I learned almost by default how to stand
out what a gift yeah that’s so that’s such a cool story I mean because and I
know that a lot of people can relate to it so thank you for sharing that vulnerable uh you know that that
we are so primed by what we’ve experienced as as children that we think
that that’s what we still are today and you know so but but we’re constantly
shedding that skin we’re constantly growing and so your growth took you to this point where clearly you weren’t the
last person picked you were you know you became great at at soccer you joined a
division one you walked onto a division one soccer field and and started competing with them despite the limiting
beliefs so um what was what was it I think what was there a trigger point in your life or in
your young life where that that switch flipped and you actually were able to tell yourself or at least convince
yourself to work harder than everyone else to achieve how and how did that how did that look
well I think going the soccer route is the the first time I had ever understood
the relationship between work and outcome I was I was like naturally
pretty good at school and I just kind of figured out how to learn so I didn’t have to worry too much about that piece
but the athletic piece I had to really really segregate myself in order to to
find something now my college career was not Stand Out by any means I struggled
with limiting beliefs once I got there and a really bad mentality that if I could go back and change anything it
would be to go back with my mindset now because I would be a much different player but that Journey
from like hey you can walk on to actually being accepted on the team
really was a commitment to outwork everyone else
and by committing to that a couple things started to fall into place one if I got attention for
outworking somebody I almost couldn’t be rejected right I think the coach Pete
caring he just retired so congrats Pete I’m grateful for you and all that you taught me and and like I I don’t think
he had a choice but to notice because man at some point it was like dude everyone that’s starting and been on
this team for several years is second and third and fourth who the
hell is this kid that just just I’ll worked you right and even if all I was
was a solid practice dummy at least he had to be like well I mean he’s winning
yeah the that lesson though really attached a couple different beliefs in
my system and and I always am grateful to share these because I don’t know that we hear them often enough
there were very talented players on the team that I don’t think worked hard
and I was a kid with very little talent that worked hard and that opened up more doors for me and
has opened up more doors for me than any kind of talent hands down flat out
the other thing that changed through the course of soccer is that I’m just a gritty kid and I’m a gritty entrepreneur
I’m Relentless if if you beat me you’re gonna have to beat me again and that’s gonna suck for you because I’m gonna
then even if you beat me again I’m gonna come back and you have to beat me a third time and eventually we’re playing
a very different game you’re playing to win I’m playing to keep playing
and the game at some point is a war of attrition who’s going to quit first and it won’t be me and it taught me
something interesting about hard work if I just don’t quit I’ll probably get what I want now not everything I want
however many of the things that we all want are on the other side of a really
deep commitment and I think we’re mostly afraid of that commitment wow I love that perspective of of playing to keep
playing versus playing to win because if you’re always playing new keep playing then yeah you’re out you’re you’re out
playing anybody else that’s gonna gonna stop playing over time and
so can you can you kind of can you kind of expand on on that that last piece
there that you know that that you are yeah they you know you’re you’re you’re
playing to keep playing and you want to um yeah can you just expand on that a
little bit more man I love talking about this because yeah this this is a really hard thing to wrap your mind around when
when we start with any Pursuit what we tend to look for is a measurable outcome
okay I worked this this worked I won or I set this goal and I hit it
and at a certain point you either run out of goals that feel exciting or you’re just you’re just numb
to it all or you realize that the way that you’re living and the way that you’re going
about your day-to-day is wildly dissatisfactory and that’s because the attachment to
wins is like a dopamine strike I’m just gonna jab jab jab and you know as many
uh like syringes as you have is how you measure your happiness okay I hit my
goal happy hit my goal Happy Well if you run out of wins and goals you’re going
to run out of Happy and we see this all the time in high performers my Approach has been can I play a game
that I love so flipping much that no matter whether I win or lose I will keep fighting and I will keep
playing and I will keep laughing and I will keep loving and to do that requires a different criteria
there’s a great way to look at this is to think about a finite and infinite game so a finite game is a couple things
it’s agreed upon rules fixed number of players and agreed win or loss you also
have a winner and a loser then you have an infinite game where you have no
agreed upon rules no agreed upon number of players and really no criteria for
how you win or lose you get to self-create it yeah entrepreneurship is often played like a
finite game I’m number one I made more income I hit more goals we’re the best
in the industry we’re the top in this city we’re the top in the state okay so you’re like jab jab jab cool
but entrepreneurship is also an infinite game the whole game is to keep playing that’s that’s the game I’m playing I
just want to keep playing this game for the rest of my life I could change Brands build a new book write a new subject delete my whole history and be
like you know what I don’t want to do that anymore I can’t believe I did that and to be able to do that
you have to live by new standards what internal Flame
can you activate and keep burning for the rest of your life and if you can find that and find your Flow State
in that do your Limitless but it’s a different practice and different principle entirely
I totally totally agree with that yeah that finding that finding that flow in
that passion and that thing that you want and uh and and I like the idea of
the finite versus the infinite game because if you’re if you’re playing that infinite game with no rules uh you know
it seems like you’ve gone down that path in in your life I mean you you jumped out of after it looks like after college
you you kind of jumped into the coaching career where you coached female athletes um and um and as a male I’d imagine that
that was you know that presented its own Challenge and probably its own lessons right um and then you know obviously you you
expanded into different things and we can get to that but I want to get to that that coaching part first what did
you learn from that in the letter play uh that that you that you released later
man I I think that who I am is largely a direct outcome of the young women that
taught me they taught me way more than I taught them I’m pretty confident in that I had been around
the ecosystem of sports where toughness and rigor and discipline and like
everything manly was like the thing and when I got to coach some girls initially
it it like broke every system I couldn’t I couldn’t like push
I had to flow they taught me how to be responsive versus reactive one thing
about sports that I will forever appreciate and that we can appreciate here in this moment I could never
prepare a halftime speech which means that no matter what I might want to say at the beginning of the game
but it’s all based on the half I couldn’t prepare it had to just be real and authentic and that’s very much the
way I coach now and it’s the way that I’m here today like I don’t have a prepared speech I’m just here to find
the groove that feels correct that was one big lesson the other is that
emotional intelligence was far superior to athletic intelligence in that space my ability to like connect with them as
people allowed me to push them and that’s really true in the space of
coaching now and even get out of your own way the whole team is really bought into this this practice until someone trusts you you can’t push
them you have to get to trust first and what they would say and this is a really
awesome compliment they would say like coach Aaron you you pushed me harder than any other coach but I knew that
even when I was angry or frustrated or upset or like really down on myself I
knew that you had my best intention in mind and that’s really important like I could take a lot of lesson from that comment
hmm another big lesson from them was that no matter what happens in the
sports arena we are people Beyond it and performance on the field is largely
dictated by the ecosystem off the field and a confident player was a successful
player in my opinion to build that took a lot of work sometimes sometimes I had
to rebuild confidence I had to like mend psyches and
I think that’s true for all of us but in particular with girls like I never understood this as a guy through middle
school mostly because I was going through my own but but as a guy that watched this they had to be so much
that was contradictory it was like they had to be athletic but then they also
had to be like gentle and they had to be like strong and then they had to be like the weaker gender and then then like
everything they had to be like like sexy but like attractive but then they were
also expected to be like like don’t grow up too fast like it was just so conflicting and man I dealt with things
like like um like weight issues and Body Image I
dealt with things like mental health disorders and and eating disorders I dealt with parental death and challenges
at home like all of it and I I was just a soccer coach I was like 23 years old
when I started I didn’t sign up for that and yet because I committed to helping them become the best young women they could I
took that stuff on and they they showed me what I was capable of handling in so
many ways I’m so grateful for that group many times well not a lot of not a lot of people would would take the time to really look
at those differences I mean I feel like a lot of a lot of coaches out there and maybe I’m wrong but would would take
that on and just try to try to stick this stick the the round peg in the square hole or whatever they need to do
to do it but you took it on and you you learned the lessons there and if you could give any advice to
maybe other coaches or other men in that space or or parents like what would be
like the maybe the two or three pieces of advice you would give to parents of young female athletes
so the book aptly titled let her play would would be one piece of advice the
the largest problem I ran into was players experiencing guilt sadness shame or disorientation because what their
parents wanted was different from what they wanted their parents wanted wins success accolades achievement and they just
wanted to play or they didn’t want to play and their parents wanted them to live out their childhood dream of playing soccer in college so that’s one
the other piece of advice for this is probably more for coaches than parents but I think it’s relative to both
we coaches tend to think we have the answers and sometimes we do I also think
the value of being a coach is sometimes asking you questions and if we do that we have to be prepared to listen and
sometimes the players had better insights than I did and that might be
you know how do we adjust your position are you in the right position it might be uh what what do you think the team
needs right now like I got a lot of value out of playing laser tag just like I did a practice sometimes the team
needed that so sometimes listening is better than speaking when you’re a coach yeah and
then my last one I’ll share here for a parent and if if you want more of this let her play is a good look and I’m
working on let him play so that’s coming out later uh but if you’re if you’re really interested in change one of the
best places to look for opportunities to help
your daughter in sports is in the car ride home it’s where the most damage is done
people are getting like crushing their their kids in a car they’re like did you
see that Shannon was open in the middle oh wow you know uh next time you know
make sure that you strike with your left foot like if she has not invited a conversation for critique it is not the
place to offer it and a parent should be really mindful of the conversation they
have in the car because unlike any other conversation that you might have there is no way out and when
a kid feels trapped one of two things happens either they are going to internalize that critical voice and it’s
going to be the voice that follows her for the rest of her life when she applies for a job she’s going to be like you’re probably missing something you’re
going to miss that pass to Shannon or when she goes to take on a big responsibility she’s gonna be like I
can’t I missed that pass to Shannon I’m going to miss this too so that’s one or she will learn to bury
all of her hurt and pain and sadness and emotionally will like clam up and for
the rest of her life she will be trying to figure out how do I emotionally express myself because it’s never been
safe and that is such a bigger impact than any loss on a soccer field a baseball
field a softball field will ever have parents should be really wary of how
they enter that conversation let her play has a framework about it if they need it but even if it’s just an
awareness thing be hyper mindful that is a breeding ground for self-content
that’s a great that’s great advice and I appreciate that as someone with a young daughter now knowing that that uh you
know that there’s that there’s ways to handle these things that that that you’ve learned through that
experience and and from both sides you know being on a men’s team coaching women’s teams and um and that that
coaching had evolved from there and I know I’m probably skipping a whole lot of life here but um but you know you you
took that coaching on into something called the money club which is you know which is was really helping with
financial education how did how did that transition come along and and what was what was the approach there and and how
are you helping people to learn more about Finance being around kids for a lot of time yeah
it kind of just brought it brought to light there’s something missing in school
I was at that time studying a lot of money A friend of mine named Josh he and I came together and we’re like maybe we
can put this this like two-lane Highway into an intersection
so like any entrepreneurship Endeavor the goal is to take two things that are
unlike and make them like so we took this idea of learning about money all
the things we wish we were taught as a kid and we combined it with this idea of sport so we made a sport out of money
and we started a non-profit it wasn’t called money Club at the time but the
the goal then was to to create an experience where someone could learn about money mostly through failure
and so we engineered this game we get a whole movement happening we grow it and
the nonprofit space doesn’t really yield well so we decide to go into Venture and we we raised some private money some
venture-backed uh money comes in and we’re able to build scale because we knew that an in-person sport wouldn’t
work well along that line what we had Learned was that
kids need to learn about money adults need to learn about money a lot of people need to learn about money and if
we’re going to really tackle this we’ve gotta we’ve got to be growing ourselves so it forced me to really
start to learn and study and find mentors Etc because at that time I’m like I don’t know 26 years old yeah the
focus on kids though was our mission and one of the hardest things that has been
a part of the money Club journey is that we had we had raised capital and we had spent a year and a half building an
online platform that would have let us scale it made teaching really easy it still
exists it makes so that a teacher a counselor doesn’t need to master money to be able to conversate and communicate
about it so really great tool and we finished in February 2020.
so like six three weeks after we finished a 275 000 build
education like shut down and we we lost every contract we lost
every proposal every RFP that we had worked hard to create was gone
wow so in in sort of the chaos of that we ended up pivoting into workplace
Wellness we had a lot of conversations during covet I’m like hey adults here’s how you navigate this very uncertain
water with your finances here’s how you can plan here’s how you can remediate all of those things
started to be conversations and then before you knew it we had built out a
curriculum where we would come into a company and offer workplace benefits so to make that long story very clear
what we had done over the course of about seven years is built a staircase from like young adults all the way to
wealth of how you build how you understand how you learn how you grow with money and
I I don’t think I was nearly the leader that I needed to be in a lot of ways I had a lot of growing up to do but I was
really passionate about it and just like soccer my hard work and the team’s hard work is what kept us moving forward when
many closed the whole mission there is that I and our team believe that if you
give someone Financial intelligence it changes the person it changes the family
it changes the community it changes the business all of that and we wanted to
replicate Financial education because it’s largely missing everywhere yeah oh
I can I can definitely uh relate to that and and understand that and do you feel
that that also comes that that lack of financial intelligence or or some of our
paradigms are tied into our values or our beliefs as we’re say growing up kind of going back to that that a lot of
those those beliefs are shaped in that that time by how our parents might be uh
have a relationship with money or how those we know we have relationships with money and how do we and how how do we
break that and re-reconnect a new relationship it’s a really powerful question and one of the one of the hard
Parts about topics of personal finance that I think goes undiscussed
it’s really personal it’s like different for everybody we have our own values
what we buy what we like Etc like you put any two couples together and you’re like hey what are
you buying like to spend your money on and you ask the other person like what are you buy and spend your money on they’re probably different so evolving
your relationship with money is a very personal process I I do think though that
all transformation starts in awareness and if you’re going to change your relationship with money you got to first
know where you are and what got you there or you might have a bad relationship with debt you might have
uh really big spending problem you might not want
to take on more than one credit card you might not know anything about investing like until you are moderately aware it’s
hard to change your relationship with money Adam I love the way you said that like it’s it’s our
relationship with money it’s not money it’s our relationship with it and you know some some of you listening
they have a toxic relationship with money you gotta break up with that girlfriend boyfriend friend whatever it is you got you got breakup
and then you can form a healthier Bond sometimes education can catalyze that
sometimes it requires an event to catalyze that my hope is that you can
catch it before the event because the event is never a good event uh but transformation takes time it
takes effort and energy and if if you’re willing to learn challenge your own beliefs unlearn what you may think you
know you can actually make tremendous change in your financial future without a without having like millions in the
bank or even money in the bank it’s your relationship with money that’s got to change first that that’s uh and I don’t
know if you agree with this but that that’s really true of any relationship or any anything that you want any transformation it’s it’s either going to
happen uh before the event occurs and so hopefully you can catch it then or it’s going to be a an event typically that
transformation to be a bad event you know you’ve uh it’s a health scare it’s
you know a DUI or any things like that yeah so um so it’s certainly true with with
money as well um and uh uh so you know one of the key takeaways that I’m kind of getting from
this conversation which is which is really great is is that you know you’ve developed a sense of humility through
this whole process even though you’re you know young and starting all of these things and and you know experiencing a
lot of these different Transformations how did you build that humility and and how does that humble nature play into
what you you know your coaching is now and how you’re how you’re helping other people to succeed
humility is a really good word to to unpack
I’ll I’m going to explain two definitions of humility one that I lived by
and ascribe to and then one that has evolved from a lot of work humility to me meant downplay
people pleasing self-sacrifice
and in almost so many ways undervaluing myself
that’s what humility showed up as I always I think it’s a noble trait
but it came with all these nefarious agendas attached to it it by so many
terms was a limiting belief and a limiting commitment
um the way I describe humility now
is five words humility being humble is ownership
with awareness and service that helped free me from a lot of really
messed up tethers because the other way was like don’t don’t brag don’t say
you’re good at it don’t be good at it actually just fit in with the crowd just hide yeah and this new definition allows
me to to think of this entirely different I’m not humble when I’m
unsuccessful because what kind of humble world am I actually creating I’m
creating like suppression is humility if I own that I’m really good I’m a really
good coach I have helped a lot of people make a lot of change in their life and I’m really good at it and if I
understand with awareness that there’s a time and a place to say that and a time and a place not to say that maybe a way
to say that that’s connective a way to say that it’s off-putting now I’ve got a different mechanism here because now
what I’m doing is I’m I’m still aware of my strength and some of you listening have amazing strengths and you should
never have to downplay that I’m really good at this there’s a way to say that that’s ownership there’s a way to say
that it’s arrogance the service part is also important this is where the humility really ties in if
you have awareness and you have and you can offer service help people I I have
no problem coming down to wherever anyone is I will pick up garbage I will
help someone like rake leaves if we’re putting together an event sometimes I have to tell myself like hey you’ve also
got your responsibilities to handle because I’m over here helping everyone else but I’ve got no issue with any kind
of hierarchy none because from a place of service that is humility to me and
that redefinition really freed me from having to suppress myself my character
and my strengths it set me free wow that’s that’s a great definition and
I appreciate that because looking at both sides of that you know you could find The Faults and
you could find the superpowers you know Finding finding the faults of well on one side of the coin you’re being a
people pleaser if you’re not intentional about it and that I mean there’s there’s there’s uh good and bad in really any
noble words or or or or or you know seemingly negative words I mean we talk
about there being super powers in fear as well yeah but the way I wanted to pack the uh ownership and awareness and
service in there again um a little bit more because with regards to awareness what is that what
does that awareness look like is it just being aware of of what you know how you’re living in that experience or or
aware of your own uh uh your own strength or what it what does that look like
to me it’s an awareness of the ecosystem that you’re in
because there’s not always a place to own outwardly you can sometimes own internally
and it’s an awareness of why you want to share so for example if I’m in a room of of
kids what I may need to own is that you know I’ve I’ve built an awesome life and it’s taught me a lot I’ve also had to
work very hard for it so if I if I can own that my intention for sharing is and the awareness I have
is like I I’m here to help these kids can I show them an example of what’s possible there might be another ecosystem where
in a in a group of men I deeply want to share and like
outwardly own that things are going great and I’m growing and everything’s awesome because I want them to respect me
and in that case my ownership might be internal hey you are strong you don’t
need to prove it to anybody here you don’t need to say it it doesn’t need to be said and I think understanding the context of
why you share is a is a deep set of work we really have to understand our motivations and be able to hear our own
inner child and what he is screaming for he or she and
my sense is that when we go to share we often have the Top Line agenda and the
bottom line agenda and in developing more awareness these things start to overlap and they just become one agenda
and in like developing awareness is a really hard thing it takes a lot of time yeah
so it sort of masks the like difficulty of this but as you build awareness what you may find is that you’re sharing for
reasons that aren’t necessary and missing the chances to share where it’s most meaningful and when you say hey I
remember having a a basic job and now I have like a really fulfilling lifestyle where I get to help people all the time
become more bright and I’m so proud of that and I’m very proud of myself and I
also am so proud of all the people that have helped me that you know that that’s coming from the right place and landing
in the right place and if you can figure that piece out even with clunky practice I really feel like you can make a dent
because we need people that are great at what they do and to tell people they’re great at what they do because they can make a dent in the world if they do that
absolutely yeah absolutely so it sounds like that ownership piece comes first so
you own it you own what you’re you’re good at you own that piece and then you then you then you have this awareness of
your environment your ecosystem of whatever you’re participating in and interpret that as as far as how you can
best serve in that Community is that fair to say I love this one I no it will
yeah it’s that’s a that’s a beautiful way of looking at it I appreciate you kind of you sharing that
um and I guess it begs the question too is everybody coachable
that’s a bit of a loaded work question but it is your thoughts on that I I don’t think so uh I’ve had to turn
people away and uh interestingly when people ask about coaching depending on
whether or not I have space I will sometimes put them through hoops to see like hey are you coachable hey
fill this form out the form has deep questions it’s not a two-word answer yeah
I think that the reason we may or may not be coachable is largely about how
willing are we to look in the mirror and self-assess to me if you’re willing to look in the
mirror you’re coachable most people don’t want to look in the mirror and take responsibility for where they are what they’ve got who they are who
they’re becoming and it’s impossible to be coachable if you haven’t accepted your responsibility
because as a coach I cannot make any dream happen I can only accelerate the speed at which
it happens and that’s a really important thing right I can’t steer a car that’s not moving I can’t guide a bowling ball
that’s not rolling I have to have some kind of movement I can help you go get to the goal faster and probably more
accurately but you’re not coachable unless you’re already in motion and being in Motion in
this case in the coaching container is are you willing to look at yourself in the mirror and take responsibility take
responsibility for for everything all of everything that’s affecting that person yeah yeah
your your Tendencies your patterns your placement your results your habits your
beliefs uh did I say habits because habits habits habits habits habits and
most probably most centrally knowing that uh this can can ruffle
feathers you have to be willing to take responsibility for what you don’t have
and it’s very easy to to look externally for that yeah and that’s that’s always that’s
always a tough one because when we get into that victim mentality of like this stuff is happening to me
I can’t I have no control over it I have no responsibility over it uh you know that that’s a dangerous
place and that’s it’s it’s you know it’s a place that causes addiction causes pain
causes trauma and when we’re stuck there as you say we’re not coachable and that’s also a dangerous place if we
can’t be coachable we can’t grow well we’re not growing we’re not getting fulfilled so uh I appreciate the
clarification on that responsibility is is the place to start looking in the mirror is that is that
place to start um and so when when you’re looking at at so I
imagine people who are coming to you for coaching have have reached something of a they feel stuck they’re feeling like
they’re you know um they’re they’re feeling like maybe they reached a plateau what what is your
um what is your process of breakthrough how uh if if there is one or or is there
a something you take people through to help help them to get beyond their limitations and fears to get to the
point they want to get to a plateau is an interesting place and I think we tend to discount it
for not being meaningful when we’re on a growth curve for a long time in personal development or in
entrepreneurship we hit a plateau and we’re like something’s wrong ah fire right and
I first think it’s important to reclassify what a plateau is if if we’ve
encountered a space where we’re not growing as much one of two things is happening either we are not clear on what hike what
journey is next or would you not have the skills materials team whatever you want to call
it ready for that next Journey when you reframe it that way then it’s like okay am I clear on my next Journey
probably not I’m probably at a place of like well I’ve gotten here and I don’t know what’s next I’m not sure I’m not I’m not clear
it is fuzzy it’s murky or it’s misconfigured
the other is maybe I know how to get there I’m just I’m not the guy maybe my
belief is that I’m not the guy or I’m not the person or I’m not capable or I don’t have the team in place like I see
that this is possible but I I just don’t have the team and every
major hike begins with a team or if you want to climb Everest you’ve got a team
you ain’t going alone that’s dangerous so similar to what I know you’ve helped
many do with a triathlon you’ve got multiple phases in that journey and it all starts with I’m going to sign up for
that but when we hit a plateau we’re we’re not sure what to sign up for
and once you make the decision of this is where I want to go then the growth starts again but I find that people want
to rush out of plateaus because they don’t like the discomfort of not knowing and that’s a great place to ask the
questions that’s like the magic like don’t no don’t leave right now don’t don’t exit I know it’s uncomfortable to
sit in silence right but it’s really important because something in your system is telling you
whatever you’ve been doing isn’t working anymore you’ve got to make change and we tend to just like find the
immediate outlet and all of a sudden we’re like lost in the same problem that we just had
again because we didn’t stop long enough to figure it out it’s it’s like uh the
GPS has not yet finished recalculating and we just turn so we have to sit in that discomfort for
a little while and I think that many many entrepreneurs get
to a plateau and they it’s like warning signs and I would say that if if you’re in a plateau or you feel like you’re
approaching one the best thing to do is to like welcome it okay yeah scale back a little bit let me take a break let me
like make two hours a day of of free time let me get back to my values that
back to the things that I started this journey for the first place based on like that kind of stuff opens you up
because otherwise you’re copy pasting the same problem and gonna perpetuate it
even further yeah that’s so that’s so huge I mean just the idea that and if
you’re feeling discomfort in a lot of things a lot of times that could just be a signal that you do need to recalibrate and re-look at what you what you need
and just ask the questions get curious I mean maybe it’s that you know you talk about the awareness of being aware and
the power of being aware that all transformation starts with awareness usually the next step is getting curious
about it and then like they’ve taken that Curiosity and finding out where where that next leap is going to come
from so that’s huge huge advice man Aaron I wish we could talk for another hour because it’s this has been huge but
I I have to ask you because I wanted to I know you’re you’re you’re you’re you just had a a new baby you a new father
how has that changed your perspective in your life has it changed in any way or
it has nothing that I’ve ever gone in in every capacity
entrepreneurship Pursuits passions friendships nothing’s
been forever it’s the first thing that’s been forever I’m gonna die forever and that’s got its own gravity to it and
its own unique like awesome flavor to it as well um
it’s presented a lens of of change in a lot of ways and there have been a lot of
hard circumstances that I’ve had to navigate around change outside of that that come from
that so it’s it definitely invites a new uh like palette and a different taste
for things it has been a beautiful process and then a clunky process chaotic process
uh but it’s also one where I’m learning a lot but he’s
teaching me a lot he’s six months old to be seven months old tomorrow like he’s teaching me a lot and I’m really
grateful for that chance to have to regularly learn in a new way all the time
do you feel that you were prepared well given your experience you know working with kids and in the past and all of
this kind of stuff I chuckle because uh so Emerson is uh almost seven months and
seven months ago I was like we didn’t know the gender so I’m like girl girl girl because I’m like I know at least I
know like at least what what 10 to 17 and I know that space right I think that
I feel some sense of understanding of what he will need
the baby phase is very new to me and and very difficult for me so I’m trying to give myself a lot of Grace and offer a
lot of patience to myself because this is this is not a uh easy
experience given what I already know it’s wildly different wow yeah it’s it’s uh it’s
I mean there’s a lot of there’s a lot of beauty a lot of pain a lot of Joy a lot
of everything that’s you know coming and um but it’s also wonderful and so I’m
really happy for you on that and I I’m one of the key you know takeaways I got from this conversation I’m very grateful
for what was beautiful about this is that in every you know direction we went we went a lot
of different directions and I’m hoping we could do a round two and go deeper on a lot of this stuff but uh you know I I
learned that you know from from the aspect of a coach a lifelong coach that you are really that you are constantly
learning and you’re learning from people and there’s that there is that sense of of awareness and curiosity and
continuous growth from your end which is which is hugely powerful and it’s one of the reasons I love this format too is I
get to learn from people like you so selfishly I’m grateful for that but um any uh uh where can people find you and
what uh uh um and you you’ve got a new uh well you’ve got a book coming uh uh tell us a
little bit about that too well let her play came out in 2020. I decided that especially with the Sun the
plan was always to do a Let him play but in 2020 like sports stopped so I was like let me cool this down let him play
as sort of an homage and a tribute to me becoming a dad so it’s less I have a lot
of experience and more here are the commitments that based on my experience I’d like to make as a dad and here’s what you can learn too so I’m really
excited about that I’m not sure when that’ll be out but I plan on releasing that this year
um get out of your own way you know if you’re if you find yourself stuck or at a plateau you can just go to are you in
your ownway.com and learn about what we have going on just just reach out to us schedule a call and we’ll figure out how we can
help we’ve got a retreat in May and in July that is coming up we’ll probably do one in quarter three or two and then in
quarter four as well so those are Avenues where if people are ready for change but want to be
accelerated or want help and support through it we’ve got lots of different options that we have available
um and you know I think I’m I’m just I’m learning how to be of better service
so if people listen to this and they want to reach me like send me a message on Instagram it’s it’s Aaron valky it’s
not cryptic send me a message tell me what you learned tell me what you want more of so that I can continue to take
everything that I’ve learned and the resources that I have and the network that I have and pour them back in like I
really believe in that service piece I will own what I’m great at and what I’m doing I will also stay aware that I can
learn way more and I don’t know all the answers and I will regularly lay down everything I can to be of service so I’m
open if anybody wants help awesome and I can definitely speak to that uh in the short time I’ve
known you Aaron you’ve been incredibly given incredibly service focused you know in in the groups that in the
circles that we are are in you are a leader in those groups and uh and I’m grateful for it I’ve learned a lot from
you and uh appreciate you having having you here and uh it’s everyone else out there thanks for joining us um thank you
Aaron valky for joining me talk to you all soon thanks Adam hey everyone Thanks for tuning in to the
flow over fear podcast if you’d like to learn more about getting into flow and
learn the foundations of flow I have a free video series on my website at
www.adamcliffordill.com called the foundations of flow feel free to go
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thank you