Live Your Future Identity With Alice Penn, MD
Sometimes, we are all so bound by a certain level of expectation from society that we start to build up an image of what our life should be like. When we get stuck in that perceived identity, we begin to develop perfectionism, fear, and anxiety – not realizing that we can actually let go of that identity and find our way forward even if we’re not exactly sure where it’s going to be.
In this conversation, Adam Hill and Alice Penn MD explore how you can find your flow and overcome your fears and anxiety through a neuroscience approach. This is not just some woo-woo stuff. It’s actually all about creating new neural pathways so you can live your 100% best self!
Here are some power takeaways from today’s conversation:
- The decision to transition from medicine to corporate finance
- Letting go if you’re stuck in your identity
- Grit is a double-edged sword
- Using he neuroscience approach to free you from getting stuck
- Don’t quit now, it could be a second too soon
- The future identity approach
- When you find your flow, your success will grow
Resources Mentioned:
www.alicepennmd.com
IG: @alicepenn_md
YouTube: @alicepennmd
Atomic Habits by James Clear
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[adam_hill]: hello everyone and welcome to flow over
fear i am glad you joined us today2
00:00:06,278 –> 00:00:12,088
[adam_hill]: because we have an amazing guest a
very accomplished guest her name is alice pen3
00:00:12,188 –> 00:00:19,560
[adam_hill]: she joins us from south africa and
she has a background of being a medical4
00:00:19,640 –> 00:00:25,590
[adam_hill]: doctor a physician for high level sea
level executive sea sweet executives and successful grew5
00:00:25,623 –> 00:00:25,865
[alice_penn_]: yeah6
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[adam_hill]: that practice so that she could combine
her passion with compassionate bedside manner with her7
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[adam_hill]: laser like problem solving abilities from that
she volved and she took a pivot into8
00:00:40,615 –> 00:00:45,083
[adam_hill]: corporate finance at one time and she
started working for the big four law firm9
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[adam_hill]: so that’s a big pivot from one
area of being a high level medical doctor10
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[adam_hill]: to to working in corporate finance for
a big four firm and now she is11
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[adam_hill]: an international coach a consultant and a
speaker and she found the founder of alice12
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[adam_hill]: pen m d h and she is
a master in the art and science of13
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[adam_hill]: change and knows what it takes to
level up both personally and professionally through her14
00:01:13,330 –> 00:01:19,881
[adam_hill]: success are ex coaching program she helps
professionals find the path that allows them to15
00:01:19,981 –> 00:01:24,348
[adam_hill]: use their unique skills and gifts find
more purpose and meaning in their work and16
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[adam_hill]: truly in their chosen field this is
going to be a great conversation thank you17
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[adam_hill]: so much for joining us lis18
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[alice_penn_]: hi adam thanks so much for having
me i’m really excited to be here19
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[adam_hill]: this is you’ve you’ve accomplished20
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[alice_penn_]: ah21
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[adam_hill]: so much we were just talking off
line and i was saying i mean first22
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[adam_hill]: of all i don’t know how i
could23
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[alice_penn_]: m24
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[adam_hill]: never compete with medical students when i
was in college but25
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[alice_penn_]: oh26
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[adam_hill]: achieve a medical degree become a physician
and27
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[alice_penn_]: ah28
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[adam_hill]: to people who are hiperformanced dividuals and
then make that pivot into finance it’s an29
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[adam_hill]: incredible an incredible journey but i want
to take a step back to start and30
00:02:03,543 –> 00:02:07,506
[adam_hill]: just kind of get a sense of
your background where you come from how you31
00:02:07,546 –> 00:02:10,469
[adam_hill]: grew up and and how you got
to where you’re at32
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[alice_penn_]: yeah great so as you mentioned the
start i’m dialing in today from cape town33
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[alice_penn_]: south africa and this is actually where
i was born and i describe myself as34
00:02:22,140 –> 00:02:26,127
[alice_penn_]: your typical eldest child so a bit
of a type a personality and i was35
00:02:26,187 –> 00:02:31,255
[alice_penn_]: born to a medical doctor father and
a mother who’s a home maker but she’s36
00:02:31,315 –> 00:02:36,484
[alice_penn_]: got three or four degrees highly highly
intelligent person so i grew up an environment37
00:02:37,365 –> 00:02:40,691
[alice_penn_]: with fairly high expectations placed for me
i don’t want to put any pressure on38
00:02:40,751 –> 00:02:45,178
[alice_penn_]: my parents but i was your sort
of typical type type a student i did39
00:02:45,218 –> 00:02:50,788
[alice_penn_]: well at school i played the sports
played musical instruments was in all school players40
00:02:50,828 –> 00:02:53,773
[alice_penn_]: and the choir and did all of
those sort of things and when i got41
00:02:53,813 –> 00:02:54,093
[alice_penn_]: to about42
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[adam_hill]: oh43
00:02:54,133 –> 00:02:55,355
[alice_penn_]: the age of sixteen44
00:02:55,350 –> 00:02:55,595
[adam_hill]: yeah45
00:02:56,297 –> 00:02:59,622
[alice_penn_]: here in south africa we start considering
what university will go to our new york46
00:02:59,723 –> 00:03:03,609
[alice_penn_]: all at college and at the time
i just had no idea what i was47
00:03:03,649 –> 00:03:05,753
[alice_penn_]: going to do so i looked48
00:03:05,619 –> 00:03:05,640
[adam_hill]: m49
00:03:05,813 –> 00:03:09,238
[alice_penn_]: around me and at that stage the
kids who were doing well at school a50
00:03:09,279 –> 00:03:14,649
[alice_penn_]: lot of them went to medical school
of course with father in medicine he was51
00:03:14,689 –> 00:03:16,212
[alice_penn_]: a specialist and all of our friends
were52
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[adam_hill]: m53
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[alice_penn_]: medical doctors i thought you know i
won’t be54
00:03:19,191 –> 00:03:19,211
[adam_hill]: a55
00:03:19,339 –> 00:03:21,293
[alice_penn_]: wrong to do medicine and i56
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[adam_hill]: oh57
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[alice_penn_]: think there was a bit of me
i was quite insecure quite an anxious child58
00:03:26,782 –> 00:03:29,707
[alice_penn_]: and i thought perhaps in some way
it might sound a bit strange maybe i59
00:03:30,268 –> 00:03:30,969
[alice_penn_]: make me almost a60
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[adam_hill]: oh61
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[alice_penn_]: good person i’ll be helping people were
using skills and expert so i applied to62
00:03:37,760 –> 00:03:39,664
[alice_penn_]: medical school and then when i got
in i thought63
00:03:39,540 –> 00:03:39,802
[adam_hill]: yah64
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[alice_penn_]: well now i’d better go so i
was65
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[adam_hill]: m66
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[alice_penn_]: actually pretty young when i started seventeen
so quite clue less naive67
00:03:46,839 –> 00:03:46,860
[adam_hill]: m68
00:03:48,498 –> 00:03:52,465
[alice_penn_]: and quite quickly on i did think
i wonder what this whether this is the69
00:03:52,505 –> 00:03:54,088
[alice_penn_]: right thing for me but70
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[adam_hill]: hm71
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[alice_penn_]: much as is the theme in many
parts of my life as you may later72
00:03:57,553 –> 00:04:02,782
[alice_penn_]: on i thought no this is me
that’s wrong there’s something wrong with me because73
00:04:02,862 –> 00:04:07,049
[alice_penn_]: most people would be delighted to be
here thrilled that they’ve got in i should74
00:04:07,149 –> 00:04:11,215
[alice_penn_]: embrace the opportunity i should be more
great full so i did mention a few75
00:04:11,295 –> 00:04:14,539
[alice_penn_]: times to my parents perhaps this isn’t
what i should be doing but i just76
00:04:14,599 –> 00:04:17,863
[alice_penn_]: sold it on maybe next year we’ll
get better next year we’ll get better got77
00:04:17,923 –> 00:04:18,364
[alice_penn_]: through medical78
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[adam_hill]: h79
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[alice_penn_]: school80
00:04:18,999 –> 00:04:19,020
[adam_hill]: m81
00:04:19,365 –> 00:04:23,853
[alice_penn_]: and then i went in south africa
because of the fact that we do have82
00:04:23,873 –> 00:04:28,220
[alice_penn_]: a lot of poverty here we as
soon as you finish medical school you do83
00:04:28,300 –> 00:04:33,188
[alice_penn_]: your houseman and your um residency years
but then you also go and do some84
00:04:33,248 –> 00:04:38,036
[alice_penn_]: time what we call community service in
more rural hospitals and for me i mean85
00:04:38,177 –> 00:04:42,044
[alice_penn_]: everybody here goes through it i won’t
take away from other people’s experiences for me86
00:04:42,164 –> 00:04:48,441
[alice_penn_]: it really impacted me badly i’m ffectionist
and recovery as i try to describe myself87
00:04:48,581 –> 00:04:48,682
[adam_hill]: oh88
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[alice_penn_]: and for me going and working there
and feeling that i wasn’t perhaps giving as89
00:04:54,784 –> 00:05:00,814
[alice_penn_]: base as these people really needed but
there wasn’t anyone else there making mistakes struggling90
00:05:00,874 –> 00:05:05,181
[alice_penn_]: with the whole concept you know lots
of things happened there i actually in retrospect91
00:05:05,862 –> 00:05:09,308
[alice_penn_]: feel that did have some p t
s d because when that time was over92
00:05:09,929 –> 00:05:11,331
[alice_penn_]: i went over to the u93
00:05:11,280 –> 00:05:11,300
[adam_hill]: m94
00:05:11,371 –> 00:05:12,253
[alice_penn_]: k i went to london95
00:05:12,332 –> 00:05:12,414
[adam_hill]: ah96
00:05:12,333 –> 00:05:16,700
[alice_penn_]: like many south african do to go
and get a different type of experience97
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[adam_hill]: ah98
00:05:17,561 –> 00:05:17,782
[alice_penn_]: and99
00:05:17,955 –> 00:05:17,976
[adam_hill]: i100
00:05:18,563 –> 00:05:18,784
[alice_penn_]: for the101
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[adam_hill]: oh102
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[alice_penn_]: first year that i was there i
had103
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[adam_hill]: yeah104
00:05:20,046 –> 00:05:22,249
[alice_penn_]: terrible flash backs nightmares105
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[adam_hill]: m106
00:05:22,450 –> 00:05:23,592
[alice_penn_]: and i was really struggling107
00:05:23,190 –> 00:05:23,473
[adam_hill]: yeah108
00:05:23,792 –> 00:05:26,356
[alice_penn_]: a lot so at that stage i109
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[adam_hill]: my110
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[alice_penn_]: sort of think now is the time
to think about doing something different i act111
00:05:30,323 –> 00:05:34,169
[alice_penn_]: e was offered a job at one
of the investment banks to work on the112
00:05:34,349 –> 00:05:38,837
[alice_penn_]: farmer and buy a teck desk and
i thought i’d just get out of medicine113
00:05:38,897 –> 00:05:42,183
[alice_penn_]: now but at the same time i
got offered a job in a private prac114
00:05:42,263 –> 00:05:43,445
[alice_penn_]: tis in the financial115
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[adam_hill]: m116
00:05:43,525 –> 00:05:47,131
[alice_penn_]: district in the city in london and
the money was pretty good there and i117
00:05:47,191 –> 00:05:53,061
[alice_penn_]: was tempted by that so i took
the medical job thinking i can grow this118
00:05:53,121 –> 00:05:55,425
[alice_penn_]: practice and be involve in the business
side and119
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[adam_hill]: i120
00:05:55,485 –> 00:05:59,672
[alice_penn_]: i’m in the finance district and i’m
quite interested in finance and business so i121
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[alice_penn_]: jumped into that role around that time
i met my now x husband but my122
00:06:06,443 –> 00:06:12,052
[alice_penn_]: husband for eleven years and we were
getting engaged and getting married you can talk123
00:06:12,112 –> 00:06:15,859
[alice_penn_]: about this perhaps a bit later but
i discovered earlier on the relationship that i124
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[alice_penn_]: suspected he had an addiction probably um
and i think the combination of the struggle125
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[alice_penn_]: dealing with that and the fact that
i knew that i wasn’t in the right126
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[alice_penn_]: job for me so even though i
grew a successful practice i enjoyed my work127
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[alice_penn_]: with my patients deep down i knew
i wasn’t in the right place for me128
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[alice_penn_]: and this all of this my problems129
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[adam_hill]: oh130
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[alice_penn_]: in my personal life and being in
the wrong place in my professional life the131
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[alice_penn_]: crack started to show132
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[adam_hill]: hm133
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[alice_penn_]: and i reached a point that i
was not in good shape for mental health134
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[alice_penn_]: and impacted my physical health gain happy
to chat about it and i was forced135
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[alice_penn_]: to take some time of work on
that and i decided now i need to136
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[alice_penn_]: make change pain of staying stuck is
worse than the pain of changing now is137
00:07:03,667 –> 00:07:08,653
[alice_penn_]: the time so i had a lot
of contact and network in the city and138
00:07:09,014 –> 00:07:11,938
[alice_penn_]: in the fight in the world of
finance and i was offered an amazing job139
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[alice_penn_]: at one of the big four firms
i was in their health care team in140
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[alice_penn_]: corporate finance all of our clients were
big hospital groups health care related and i141
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[alice_penn_]: really loved142
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[adam_hill]: m143
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[alice_penn_]: love my time time there144
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[adam_hill]: yeah145
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[alice_penn_]: unfortunately still had an address some of
the difficulties in my personal life after several146
00:07:29,468 –> 00:07:34,696
[alice_penn_]: years my health took a knock on
my marriage develop pat and i literally got147
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[alice_penn_]: in an aeroplane with two suit cases
and flew back to south africa and that’s148
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[alice_penn_]: when the really hard work of figuring
out what i was going to do with149
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[alice_penn_]: my life and how to pick myself
up this was probably the lowest point of150
00:07:48,105 –> 00:07:53,494
[alice_penn_]: being in my life was very very
challenging difficult time to get through i felt151
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[alice_penn_]: like a failure but152
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[adam_hill]: hm153
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[alice_penn_]: i knew that i had something left
in me i knew was still a reason154
00:07:59,284 –> 00:08:04,432
[alice_penn_]: i was alive and i felt that
i needed to act on that that calling155
00:08:04,473 –> 00:08:06,276
[alice_penn_]: in that feeling and156
00:08:06,190 –> 00:08:06,352
[adam_hill]: yeah157
00:08:06,716 –> 00:08:11,283
[alice_penn_]: hearing a podcast and something that we
both know one of our men as rouryvaden158
00:08:12,064 –> 00:08:15,307
[alice_penn_]: saying your best place to serve the
person you once were was a bit of159
00:08:15,347 –> 00:08:17,649
[alice_penn_]: a light bad moment for me i
think i was running next to the c160
00:08:17,949 –> 00:08:22,624
[alice_penn_]: or something like that and just thought
that’s it i need to stop hiding i161
00:08:22,684 –> 00:08:26,971
[alice_penn_]: need to get out there and start
helping people and that took me to my162
00:08:27,312 –> 00:08:28,874
[alice_penn_]: coaching practice on to where i am
today163
00:08:29,630 –> 00:08:29,710
[adam_hill]: you164
00:08:29,756 –> 00:08:29,836
[alice_penn_]: but165
00:08:29,770 –> 00:08:29,870
[adam_hill]: got166
00:08:29,916 –> 00:08:29,956
[alice_penn_]: of167
00:08:29,931 –> 00:08:30,031
[adam_hill]: the168
00:08:29,996 –> 00:08:30,156
[alice_penn_]: a long169
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[adam_hill]: goosies170
00:08:30,257 –> 00:08:30,477
[alice_penn_]: answer171
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[adam_hill]: as roy as roy172
00:08:32,380 –> 00:08:32,841
[alice_penn_]: exactly173
00:08:32,520 –> 00:08:33,042
[adam_hill]: would say right174
00:08:33,813 –> 00:08:37,046
[alice_penn_]: exactly it literally stopped me in my
tracks as like who is this i need175
00:08:37,086 –> 00:08:37,708
[alice_penn_]: to find out more176
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[adam_hill]: yeah well i appreciate that background because
there’s there’s a lot there i mean when177
00:08:43,500 –> 00:08:48,108
[adam_hill]: we when we present ourselves or what
you know when you’re presenting yourself as someone178
00:08:48,770 –> 00:08:53,197
[adam_hill]: that has such high achievements and has
achieved so much and done things i mean179
00:08:53,237 –> 00:08:57,284
[adam_hill]: it’s easy to look from the outside
and and say oh well there’s someone that180
00:08:57,344 –> 00:09:00,569
[adam_hill]: has their stuff together there’s someone that’s
you know always181
00:09:00,753 –> 00:09:00,955
[alice_penn_]: oh182
00:09:01,170 –> 00:09:05,718
[adam_hill]: you know that that that chip on
their shoulder that’s you know that spring in183
00:09:05,778 –> 00:09:08,723
[adam_hill]: their step or you know they can
achieve it but i can’t and i know184
00:09:08,863 –> 00:09:13,330
[adam_hill]: i know for a lot of people
in this audience they can certainly late to185
00:09:13,571 –> 00:09:17,337
[adam_hill]: a lot of the challenges you had
i know that one of the first things186
00:09:17,357 –> 00:09:20,783
[adam_hill]: that resonated with me is when you
talked about in college you know how you187
00:09:20,903 –> 00:09:21,765
[adam_hill]: re our university188
00:09:21,633 –> 00:09:21,855
[alice_penn_]: oh189
00:09:22,366 –> 00:09:23,828
[adam_hill]: as as you would say there190
00:09:23,943 –> 00:09:24,663
[alice_penn_]: yeah191
00:09:24,169 –> 00:09:29,317
[adam_hill]: there now there was this certain sense
of battling with the identity that you were192
00:09:29,377 –> 00:09:29,618
[adam_hill]: working193
00:09:29,543 –> 00:09:29,688
[alice_penn_]: yeah194
00:09:29,658 –> 00:09:30,980
[adam_hill]: with that there was an expectation195
00:09:30,413 –> 00:09:30,558
[alice_penn_]: yeah196
00:09:31,060 –> 00:09:34,786
[adam_hill]: that you want to to achieve something
in the medical field or you you were197
00:09:35,367 –> 00:09:39,793
[adam_hill]: feeling i guess drawn the medical field
but you didn’t you were uncertain you didn’t198
00:09:39,834 –> 00:09:43,218
[adam_hill]: know where you were going did that
have an effect on you at that point199
00:09:43,278 –> 00:09:45,723
[adam_hill]: as far as or how did that
manifest200
00:09:45,603 –> 00:09:46,323
[alice_penn_]: oh201
00:09:45,803 –> 00:09:50,435
[adam_hill]: as far as your fears and do
you have any regrets about the direction you202
00:09:50,496 –> 00:09:51,218
[adam_hill]: took at that point203
00:09:52,974 –> 00:09:57,261
[alice_penn_]: so actually in with my clients one
of the first things we talk about is204
00:09:57,321 –> 00:09:59,805
[alice_penn_]: what i call solving for stuck and
one of the asses205
00:09:59,626 –> 00:10:00,240
[adam_hill]: hm206
00:09:59,906 –> 00:10:06,897
[alice_penn_]: of stuck is around this self identity
and me creating an identity as a medical207
00:10:06,957 –> 00:10:10,323
[alice_penn_]: doctor at the age of sixteen and
holding on to that until nearly the age208
00:10:10,363 –> 00:10:15,872
[alice_penn_]: of thirty yes so that was a
difficult one for me to challenge and to209
00:10:17,096 –> 00:10:22,989
[alice_penn_]: now i i wasn’t completely wedded to
it but you do start to build up210
00:10:23,069 –> 00:10:25,774
[alice_penn_]: an image of what your life perhaps
may be like211
00:10:26,571 –> 00:10:26,592
[adam_hill]: m212
00:10:26,615 –> 00:10:26,795
[alice_penn_]: and213
00:10:27,159 –> 00:10:27,180
[adam_hill]: m214
00:10:27,557 –> 00:10:30,261
[alice_penn_]: as i said at the start what
sort of a person it was going to215
00:10:30,321 –> 00:10:31,664
[alice_penn_]: make me um216
00:10:31,773 –> 00:10:32,400
[adam_hill]: hm217
00:10:32,024 –> 00:10:36,613
[alice_penn_]: and and i think that that thinking
well if i don’t do it and who218
00:10:36,673 –> 00:10:42,603
[alice_penn_]: will i be what will i be
also understanding that in my family certainly with219
00:10:42,663 –> 00:10:47,128
[alice_penn_]: my dad as a medical doctor and
my mother also originally trained as a nurse220
00:10:47,168 –> 00:10:53,144
[alice_penn_]: and a midwife there was some sort
of level of i don’t want to say221
00:10:53,244 –> 00:11:00,696
[alice_penn_]: expectation but a good quality attached to
this sort of a role so222
00:11:00,810 –> 00:11:00,830
[adam_hill]: m223
00:11:01,177 –> 00:11:02,119
[alice_penn_]: my parents would maybe224
00:11:01,920 –> 00:11:02,166
[adam_hill]: oh225
00:11:02,199 –> 00:11:06,048
[alice_penn_]: talk openly about oh if you’re in
finance just about money but what we226
00:11:06,126 –> 00:11:06,840
[adam_hill]: hm227
00:11:06,208 –> 00:11:14,067
[alice_penn_]: do is different so i think breaking
out of those expectations even if my parents228
00:11:14,187 –> 00:11:18,074
[alice_penn_]: weren’t you know i would really hate
for them to think that they didn’t do229
00:11:18,134 –> 00:11:21,479
[alice_penn_]: it intentionally but certainly that’s the way
that we that i grew up so it230
00:11:21,580 –> 00:11:26,825
[alice_penn_]: took for me took me some time
just decide i can change my identity i231
00:11:26,965 –> 00:11:31,911
[alice_penn_]: can actually let go of this and
find a way forwards even if i don’t232
00:11:31,951 –> 00:11:32,812
[alice_penn_]: know what it’s going to be233
00:11:33,620 –> 00:11:34,485
[adam_hill]: yeah i think that’s234
00:11:34,384 –> 00:11:36,349
[alice_penn_]: regrets i definitely don’t regret it235
00:11:37,080 –> 00:11:37,262
[adam_hill]: yeah236
00:11:37,913 –> 00:11:38,113
[alice_penn_]: i mean237
00:11:38,048 –> 00:11:38,270
[adam_hill]: so you238
00:11:38,173 –> 00:11:43,402
[alice_penn_]: if i went back again i probably
wouldn’t do mean however i’m always careful because239
00:11:44,103 –> 00:11:47,669
[alice_penn_]: i am so grateful for the experience
that i did have and240
00:11:47,573 –> 00:11:48,180
[adam_hill]: hm241
00:11:48,190 –> 00:11:52,858
[alice_penn_]: you know you can’t take away who
you were and i’m extremely grateful for the242
00:11:52,938 –> 00:11:59,068
[alice_penn_]: patients that allow you into their lives
so that’s a real privilege people243
00:11:58,952 –> 00:11:58,992
[adam_hill]: m244
00:11:59,088 –> 00:11:59,609
[alice_penn_]: will talk to245
00:11:59,619 –> 00:11:59,640
[adam_hill]: m246
00:11:59,669 –> 00:12:03,899
[alice_penn_]: you and tell you things that they
won’t tell many other people and so that’s247
00:12:04,059 –> 00:12:10,135
[alice_penn_]: something that i’ll take to my grave
that sort of that that’s real gratitude that248
00:12:10,195 –> 00:12:14,683
[alice_penn_]: i have for for people trusting you
with their stories and with their lives so249
00:12:15,344 –> 00:12:20,232
[alice_penn_]: so that that but that i definitely
don’t regret and one of the other things250
00:12:20,272 –> 00:12:23,097
[alice_penn_]: that i can so about training as
a doctor because a lot of people would251
00:12:23,137 –> 00:12:26,482
[alice_penn_]: say well what was the relevance of
all your medical training in the rest of252
00:12:26,522 –> 00:12:31,150
[alice_penn_]: your life is that at the end
of the day it is consulting it is253
00:12:31,440 –> 00:12:32,490
[adam_hill]: yeah254
00:12:31,491 –> 00:12:32,833
[alice_penn_]: advisory you255
00:12:32,850 –> 00:12:33,540
[adam_hill]: yeah256
00:12:32,933 –> 00:12:38,382
[alice_penn_]: are talking to a person you’re trying
to understand their pain and their problem you’re257
00:12:38,482 –> 00:12:44,252
[alice_penn_]: working with them to diagnose and investigate
and understand the root cause you’re coming up258
00:12:44,673 –> 00:12:49,300
[alice_penn_]: with a plan of treatment and taking
him through it so even in my consulting259
00:12:49,360 –> 00:12:54,369
[alice_penn_]: career commercial financial advisor career and even
what i do today it’s still the same260
00:12:54,749 –> 00:12:55,471
[alice_penn_]: principle so261
00:12:56,153 –> 00:12:56,760
[adam_hill]: hm262
00:12:56,212 –> 00:12:57,585
[alice_penn_]: kind of care that’s through with me263
00:12:58,550 –> 00:13:03,278
[adam_hill]: it almost sounds like that experience you
you’ve had with kind of the challenges you’ve264
00:13:03,338 –> 00:13:07,485
[adam_hill]: faced maybe with the medical health with
which we can get into or the mental265
00:13:07,525 –> 00:13:08,466
[adam_hill]: health that we can get into the266
00:13:08,425 –> 00:13:08,548
[alice_penn_]: yeah267
00:13:09,268 –> 00:13:11,752
[adam_hill]: hat that is maybe your experience because268
00:13:11,583 –> 00:13:12,243
[alice_penn_]: oh269
00:13:12,052 –> 00:13:15,158
[adam_hill]: you mentioned that you have a strong
bedside270
00:13:14,763 –> 00:13:16,053
[alice_penn_]: oh271
00:13:15,198 –> 00:13:19,104
[adam_hill]: manner for for a doctor and i
know a lot of doctors that they almost272
00:13:19,565 –> 00:13:24,394
[adam_hill]: you know that doesn’t exist they may
great doctors but they might not have the273
00:13:24,434 –> 00:13:25,316
[adam_hill]: bedside manner but you274
00:13:25,283 –> 00:13:25,428
[alice_penn_]: yeah275
00:13:25,516 –> 00:13:30,486
[adam_hill]: have that and that empathy it sounds
like that comes from your experience would that276
00:13:30,526 –> 00:13:31,228
[adam_hill]: be fair to say277
00:13:32,343 –> 00:13:37,010
[alice_penn_]: definitely and i think because i wasn’t
that passionate about the subject matter278
00:13:37,906 –> 00:13:38,460
[adam_hill]: hm279
00:13:38,192 –> 00:13:43,020
[alice_penn_]: i felt that i could throw myself
into the inter personal side of things280
00:13:43,053 –> 00:13:43,620
[adam_hill]: hm281
00:13:43,902 –> 00:13:47,468
[alice_penn_]: and for better or worse i’ve tamed
to be somebody who wants to try and282
00:13:47,508 –> 00:13:51,775
[alice_penn_]: help others i think we can touch
it later but in my marriage it created283
00:13:52,296 –> 00:14:00,069
[alice_penn_]: kind of a code of pendency where
i enjoying too much helping this person who284
00:14:00,149 –> 00:14:01,131
[alice_penn_]: needed so much help285
00:14:02,114 –> 00:14:02,135
[adam_hill]: h286
00:14:02,132 –> 00:14:02,974
[alice_penn_]: but in287
00:14:03,009 –> 00:14:03,030
[adam_hill]: m288
00:14:03,414 –> 00:14:09,084
[alice_penn_]: my medical career i definitely i mean
certainly when i was during all my training289
00:14:09,124 –> 00:14:13,391
[alice_penn_]: in psychiatry i always found that extremely
interesting and i think as you say having290
00:14:13,471 –> 00:14:17,999
[alice_penn_]: had so many of my own challenges
actually from schooldays onwards with my mental health291
00:14:18,119 –> 00:14:22,167
[alice_penn_]: even though it wasn’t addressed or spoken
about then i really could as you say292
00:14:22,267 –> 00:14:26,498
[alice_penn_]: identify with what patients were perhaps going
through or did my best to and that’s293
00:14:26,538 –> 00:14:27,961
[alice_penn_]: the side of it that i really
enjoyed294
00:14:28,620 –> 00:14:32,987
[adam_hill]: yeah and and that’s that’s something i’d
like to share about as well in my295
00:14:33,087 –> 00:14:36,733
[adam_hill]: personal story becase i come from you
know anxiety background and296
00:14:36,733 –> 00:14:36,855
[alice_penn_]: yeah297
00:14:36,793 –> 00:14:41,241
[adam_hill]: things like that and it used to
be so debilitating you know it’s such a298
00:14:41,301 –> 00:14:47,751
[adam_hill]: debilitating thing to experience those issues but
when we can rise above them i realize299
00:14:48,393 –> 00:14:51,718
[adam_hill]: that they turn into super powers that
you can actually make them super powers and300
00:14:52,279 –> 00:14:57,668
[adam_hill]: an sounds like an example of just
that you know these these things that you301
00:14:57,888 –> 00:15:01,014
[adam_hill]: experience with you know this this identity
and302
00:15:00,963 –> 00:15:01,773
[alice_penn_]: oh303
00:15:01,094 –> 00:15:05,100
[adam_hill]: trying to trying to shape that turned
into almost this empathy you could have for304
00:15:05,140 –> 00:15:08,987
[adam_hill]: your patients and and and the super
power that you now have that you’re sharing305
00:15:09,007 –> 00:15:16,359
[adam_hill]: with the world so that’s powerful and
so with regard to some of that mental306
00:15:16,399 –> 00:15:20,746
[adam_hill]: health you evolved throughout your life and
you experience some of this some of this307
00:15:20,927 –> 00:15:26,676
[adam_hill]: trauma through having to work in in
some of the poverty stricken zones in south308
00:15:26,756 –> 00:15:32,552
[adam_hill]: africa what how did that develop into
the mental health issues what what were you309
00:15:32,612 –> 00:15:34,518
[adam_hill]: experiencing at that at that time310
00:15:35,823 –> 00:15:40,351
[alice_penn_]: so i think if i reflect back
and i’ve been through a lot of therapy311
00:15:40,451 –> 00:15:44,177
[alice_penn_]: and i’m happy and open to a
talk about that because i think it’s important312
00:15:44,377 –> 00:15:46,801
[alice_penn_]: to mention it because as you said
at the start quite313
00:15:46,737 –> 00:15:47,310
[adam_hill]: hm314
00:15:46,842 –> 00:15:51,509
[alice_penn_]: often people don’t realize if you are
on paper a high achiever how you might315
00:15:51,569 –> 00:15:55,456
[alice_penn_]: still have these struggles and issues going
on and certainly for me that was actually316
00:15:55,656 –> 00:15:59,022
[alice_penn_]: a challenge because people didn’t want to
ask me if i was okay because they317
00:15:59,603 –> 00:16:03,870
[alice_penn_]: sort of thought maybe i’d be offended
or i seemed to be doing well i318
00:16:03,951 –> 00:16:07,417
[alice_penn_]: was quite high functioning so they didn’t
want to offend me or step on my319
00:16:07,497 –> 00:16:08,719
[alice_penn_]: toes so what320
00:16:08,723 –> 00:16:09,390
[adam_hill]: hm321
00:16:08,779 –> 00:16:14,679
[alice_penn_]: i can say is that even as
a child i was very anxious i used322
00:16:14,759 –> 00:16:15,300
[alice_penn_]: to worry323
00:16:15,015 –> 00:16:15,810
[adam_hill]: h m324
00:16:16,101 –> 00:16:21,430
[alice_penn_]: when i went to play school nursery
school but what would the other children be325
00:16:21,550 –> 00:16:26,819
[alice_penn_]: like and what would they think of
me and i think early on i developed326
00:16:26,899 –> 00:16:28,962
[alice_penn_]: this fear of failure fear of327
00:16:29,040 –> 00:16:29,060
[adam_hill]: m328
00:16:29,042 –> 00:16:31,747
[alice_penn_]: making a mistake fear of being told
i’ve got something wrong329
00:16:32,620 –> 00:16:32,660
[adam_hill]: m330
00:16:33,149 –> 00:16:38,719
[alice_penn_]: and this created this perfect tionism which
is really ham strung me a lot in331
00:16:38,779 –> 00:16:44,047
[alice_penn_]: my life and held me back because
you’re trying so hard to give people what332
00:16:44,088 –> 00:16:49,095
[alice_penn_]: they want and be as good as
you can to avoid the pain of being333
00:16:49,175 –> 00:16:51,418
[alice_penn_]: told this is not good enough so334
00:16:51,471 –> 00:16:51,492
[adam_hill]: m335
00:16:51,518 –> 00:16:52,679
[alice_penn_]: when i did music performance336
00:16:52,583 –> 00:16:52,684
[adam_hill]: ah337
00:16:52,739 –> 00:16:57,566
[alice_penn_]: or sport if i got off the
stage or whatever i had any criticism i338
00:16:57,646 –> 00:17:04,156
[alice_penn_]: couldn’t deal with it so i think
that i developed these unrelenting standards for myself339
00:17:04,170 –> 00:17:04,190
[adam_hill]: m340
00:17:05,318 –> 00:17:05,839
[alice_penn_]: and it was341
00:17:05,799 –> 00:17:05,820
[adam_hill]: m342
00:17:05,919 –> 00:17:11,168
[alice_penn_]: great in some ways because having unrelenting
stand unrelenting standards can get you so far343
00:17:11,228 –> 00:17:15,536
[alice_penn_]: in your academics and in life in
general and what have developed through my mental344
00:17:15,556 –> 00:17:17,401
[alice_penn_]: health challenges is grit345
00:17:18,993 –> 00:17:19,013
[adam_hill]: h346
00:17:19,175 –> 00:17:19,840
[alice_penn_]: but it can also347
00:17:19,959 –> 00:17:19,980
[adam_hill]: m348
00:17:19,981 –> 00:17:26,070
[alice_penn_]: go to the extreme so i have
historically pushed myself too far so when i349
00:17:26,130 –> 00:17:26,230
[alice_penn_]: was350
00:17:26,313 –> 00:17:26,353
[adam_hill]: he351
00:17:26,330 –> 00:17:31,439
[alice_penn_]: working as a doctor by the time
i got to london and my personal challenges352
00:17:31,739 –> 00:17:37,390
[alice_penn_]: in my marriage were building up this
is when i started taking things even more353
00:17:37,570 –> 00:17:42,780
[alice_penn_]: even to further extremes i had my
ups and downs through school and university through354
00:17:42,841 –> 00:17:48,861
[alice_penn_]: college this is when i worked harder
and harder and harder so i got to355
00:17:48,901 –> 00:17:53,809
[alice_penn_]: work earlier i stayed later i tried
to be perfect for all my patients and356
00:17:53,869 –> 00:17:56,473
[alice_penn_]: if i made a mistake i could
not relax and let go357
00:17:56,970 –> 00:17:57,311
[adam_hill]: oh358
00:17:57,455 –> 00:18:02,083
[alice_penn_]: coupled with that i’ve always been quite
sporty and done a lot of exercise and359
00:18:02,143 –> 00:18:05,068
[alice_penn_]: running my exercise just got longer and360
00:18:05,002 –> 00:18:05,083
[adam_hill]: oh361
00:18:05,088 –> 00:18:08,855
[alice_penn_]: longer in the gym i go try
get up extra early get a longer running362
00:18:09,256 –> 00:18:12,704
[alice_penn_]: get to the gym really early after
work back in the gym363
00:18:12,660 –> 00:18:12,882
[adam_hill]: yeah364
00:18:12,784 –> 00:18:15,070
[alice_penn_]: running a kind of punitive nature365
00:18:16,046 –> 00:18:16,620
[adam_hill]: hm366
00:18:16,323 –> 00:18:21,252
[alice_penn_]: i wasn’t matching it with the fuel
requirements so it became very strict about what367
00:18:21,292 –> 00:18:26,221
[alice_penn_]: i was eating and all of this
just affected my sleep my my well being368
00:18:26,301 –> 00:18:33,345
[alice_penn_]: over all um and yeah just led
to my mental health and my physical health369
00:18:33,385 –> 00:18:35,111
[alice_penn_]: really deteriorating around that time370
00:18:36,160 –> 00:18:41,369
[adam_hill]: so wow that i appreciate you sharing
that as well because you know there’s there’s371
00:18:41,409 –> 00:18:46,237
[adam_hill]: a lot of folks that do try
and balance that you know mental health aspect372
00:18:46,337 –> 00:18:47,158
[adam_hill]: with things like373
00:18:47,253 –> 00:18:47,493
[alice_penn_]: yeah374
00:18:47,399 –> 00:18:48,020
[adam_hill]: exercise so375
00:18:48,095 –> 00:18:48,256
[alice_penn_]: yeah376
00:18:48,320 –> 00:18:53,008
[adam_hill]: guilty right i’m guilty of that as
well and almost to the extreme to the377
00:18:53,048 –> 00:18:54,671
[adam_hill]: extent that maybe they are restricting378
00:18:55,363 –> 00:18:55,505
[alice_penn_]: yeah379
00:18:55,432 –> 00:19:00,861
[adam_hill]: um their diet and that of course
i mean we hear a lot about the380
00:19:01,222 –> 00:19:07,011
[adam_hill]: idea of obesity being an epidemic and
certainly it is but there’s a silent epidemic381
00:19:07,092 –> 00:19:10,798
[adam_hill]: too of people that aren’t you know
that that are restricting to this diet382
00:19:10,754 –> 00:19:10,878
[alice_penn_]: yeah383
00:19:10,858 –> 00:19:14,304
[adam_hill]: culture that causing major problems on our
our384
00:19:14,273 –> 00:19:14,414
[alice_penn_]: yeah385
00:19:14,364 –> 00:19:20,855
[adam_hill]: mental health but i love love love
the way that you put this this idea386
00:19:20,915 –> 00:19:24,501
[adam_hill]: because it is it seems like it’s
another aspect of a super power that comes387
00:19:24,581 –> 00:19:30,070
[adam_hill]: from this mental health issue you talk
about the unrelenting standards i love that language388
00:19:30,130 –> 00:19:34,037
[adam_hill]: that you use there the unrelenting standards
that you put on yourself that lead to389
00:19:34,077 –> 00:19:39,848
[adam_hill]: this perfectionism and o that maybe come
from it or maybe it’s a cycle390
00:19:39,713 –> 00:19:40,623
[alice_penn_]: yeah391
00:19:40,910 –> 00:19:46,102
[adam_hill]: they lead to this grit that you
have yes it’s it may cause the challenges392
00:19:46,142 –> 00:19:52,953
[adam_hill]: that this perfectionism may be a toxic
trade but that ultimately you got from it393
00:19:53,094 –> 00:19:58,684
[adam_hill]: grit which is an empowering trade um
that’s something you share with your clients now394
00:19:59,345 –> 00:20:02,289
[adam_hill]: how do you how do you kind
of pass the grit rate on395
00:20:03,494 –> 00:20:09,610
[alice_penn_]: look i is it is a double
edged sword because if you have so much396
00:20:09,710 –> 00:20:13,697
[alice_penn_]: grit that you can’t stop and reconsider
that you’ve made a mistake and one of397
00:20:13,737 –> 00:20:13,837
[alice_penn_]: the398
00:20:13,805 –> 00:20:14,400
[adam_hill]: hm399
00:20:13,877 –> 00:20:18,209
[alice_penn_]: things that really helped me was actually
thinking i’m a low to change my mind400
00:20:18,963 –> 00:20:19,363
[alice_penn_]: i’m allowed401
00:20:19,286 –> 00:20:19,326
[adam_hill]: m402
00:20:19,423 –> 00:20:20,145
[alice_penn_]: to reconsider403
00:20:20,019 –> 00:20:20,040
[adam_hill]: m404
00:20:20,766 –> 00:20:25,133
[alice_penn_]: what i thought was good for me
ten or fifteen years ago and those thoughts405
00:20:25,213 –> 00:20:29,500
[alice_penn_]: become so intrenched that you actually have
to stop and a lot of the work406
00:20:29,560 –> 00:20:33,507
[alice_penn_]: i do with my clients as round
sort of requiring idea neuroplasticity407
00:20:34,443 –> 00:20:35,070
[adam_hill]: hm408
00:20:34,889 –> 00:20:37,634
[alice_penn_]: but yes i think what i try
and do with my clients is give them409
00:20:37,674 –> 00:20:44,385
[alice_penn_]: the confidence that making changes hard it’s
going to hard it’s going to fill you410
00:20:44,405 –> 00:20:49,093
[alice_penn_]: with fear and anxiety there’s two ways
it can go and you’ve got to face411
00:20:49,133 –> 00:20:53,640
[alice_penn_]: some sort of challenge either you be
like me fear and anxiety comes up can’t412
00:20:53,741 –> 00:20:56,746
[alice_penn_]: sleep can’t stop thinking but what lies
ahead or you can413
00:20:56,730 –> 00:20:56,973
[adam_hill]: yeah414
00:20:56,866 –> 00:20:57,928
[alice_penn_]: feel perhaps415
00:20:57,948 –> 00:20:58,050
[adam_hill]: yeah416
00:20:58,028 –> 00:20:58,709
[alice_penn_]: little bit lower417
00:20:58,530 –> 00:20:58,691
[adam_hill]: ye418
00:20:58,769 –> 00:21:03,056
[alice_penn_]: in mood sluggish you don’t have the
motivation you can’t get your head around around419
00:21:03,337 –> 00:21:07,163
[alice_penn_]: taking the next step so i try
and use a nero science type roach and420
00:21:07,223 –> 00:21:07,584
[alice_penn_]: help people421
00:21:07,539 –> 00:21:07,560
[adam_hill]: m422
00:21:07,644 –> 00:21:07,984
[alice_penn_]: understand423
00:21:07,740 –> 00:21:08,001
[adam_hill]: yeah424
00:21:08,004 –> 00:21:11,450
[alice_penn_]: that this is your brain your brain
wants you to be stuck you aren’t lazy425
00:21:11,229 –> 00:21:11,250
[adam_hill]: m426
00:21:11,570 –> 00:21:12,672
[alice_penn_]: or you aren’t just427
00:21:12,687 –> 00:21:12,848
[adam_hill]: right428
00:21:12,772 –> 00:21:16,679
[alice_penn_]: too anxious your anxiety isn’t isn’t the
problem the problem is that your brain wants429
00:21:16,739 –> 00:21:17,320
[alice_penn_]: to keep you stuck430
00:21:17,379 –> 00:21:17,400
[adam_hill]: m431
00:21:17,420 –> 00:21:18,382
[alice_penn_]: so i try432
00:21:18,316 –> 00:21:18,930
[adam_hill]: hm433
00:21:18,462 –> 00:21:22,669
[alice_penn_]: and take science approached to it because
that’s what helped me right if i had434
00:21:22,769 –> 00:21:27,878
[alice_penn_]: believed and acted on everything i felt
i wouldn’t have been able to take action435
00:21:27,938 –> 00:21:29,380
[alice_penn_]: and move forwards so436
00:21:29,536 –> 00:21:29,556
[adam_hill]: h437
00:21:30,061 –> 00:21:30,362
[alice_penn_]: i try438
00:21:30,249 –> 00:21:30,270
[adam_hill]: m439
00:21:30,402 –> 00:21:34,649
[alice_penn_]: and help through that and i think
having been through it myself and to give440
00:21:34,689 –> 00:21:38,315
[alice_penn_]: them examples of having done it i
think can help give them the confidence perhaps441
00:21:38,395 –> 00:21:42,201
[alice_penn_]: i need to take a step and
try and push through that anxiety and push442
00:21:42,402 –> 00:21:44,298
[alice_penn_]: that fear actually see what’s on the
other side443
00:21:45,330 –> 00:21:48,936
[adam_hill]: so our so our experiences can shape
how we can help other people444
00:21:49,194 –> 00:21:49,599
[alice_penn_]: exactly445
00:21:49,216 –> 00:21:50,018
[adam_hill]: in that in that sense446
00:21:49,942 –> 00:21:50,347
[alice_penn_]: exactly447
00:21:50,639 –> 00:21:54,706
[adam_hill]: and i love i would love to
dig into that that science of change part448
00:21:54,806 –> 00:21:55,627
[adam_hill]: because there’s so much449
00:21:55,825 –> 00:21:56,313
[alice_penn_]: hm450
00:21:56,769 –> 00:22:01,417
[adam_hill]: in this industry of helping people that
that is more pseudo science but i love451
00:22:01,457 –> 00:22:06,926
[adam_hill]: the actual science science aspect of it
because it’s important to discuss that and you452
00:22:06,946 –> 00:22:10,252
[adam_hill]: know before we do because i think
a lot of people might resonate with this453
00:22:10,352 –> 00:22:10,572
[adam_hill]: part454
00:22:10,593 –> 00:22:10,613
[alice_penn_]: m455
00:22:11,934 –> 00:22:13,377
[adam_hill]: in your story you talk a little
bit456
00:22:13,323 –> 00:22:13,343
[alice_penn_]: m457
00:22:13,417 –> 00:22:18,445
[adam_hill]: about about the you know the fact
that when you got married i think that458
00:22:18,846 –> 00:22:25,337
[adam_hill]: might have contributed to some of the
mental physic health issues um how but but459
00:22:25,397 –> 00:22:25,537
[adam_hill]: that460
00:22:25,503 –> 00:22:26,493
[alice_penn_]: yeah461
00:22:25,577 –> 00:22:29,403
[adam_hill]: eventually you you know you made that
empowering decision to leave to get on the462
00:22:29,423 –> 00:22:34,472
[adam_hill]: plane how did that manifest itself because
that that’s a big switch i know that463
00:22:34,492 –> 00:22:38,358
[adam_hill]: there’s a lot of people and you
know i being an addict myself and my464
00:22:38,418 –> 00:22:45,030
[adam_hill]: wife kind of being subject to that
uh you know how how did you break465
00:22:45,150 –> 00:22:48,727
[adam_hill]: that chain if you don’t mind me
asking and kind of digging into that466
00:22:49,535 –> 00:22:55,423
[alice_penn_]: look at that took a really long
time and i made some huge mistakes with467
00:22:55,503 –> 00:22:59,049
[alice_penn_]: trying to force my husband to stop
drinking which he did do but he didn’t468
00:22:59,129 –> 00:22:59,550
[alice_penn_]: embrace469
00:22:59,263 –> 00:22:59,790
[adam_hill]: hm470
00:22:59,790 –> 00:23:04,919
[alice_penn_]: perhaps the rest of recovery as well
as you could have and i’ve since discovered471
00:23:04,959 –> 00:23:08,845
[alice_penn_]: places like allen really helped me understan
that it’s not for me to try and472
00:23:08,885 –> 00:23:13,273
[alice_penn_]: control the other person so i think
me trying to control the situation you’ve already473
00:23:13,313 –> 00:23:17,820
[alice_penn_]: picked up that i have these unrelenting
standards for myself the not so nice side474
00:23:17,860 –> 00:23:21,126
[alice_penn_]: of it is you can put that
on to another person so475
00:23:21,191 –> 00:23:21,252
[adam_hill]: hm476
00:23:21,827 –> 00:23:22,388
[alice_penn_]: i know that477
00:23:22,539 –> 00:23:22,560
[adam_hill]: m478
00:23:23,149 –> 00:23:25,834
[alice_penn_]: i didn’t know what i was doing
i thought that i did i thought i’m479
00:23:25,894 –> 00:23:29,279
[alice_penn_]: a doctor i’m goin fix this thing
i’m going to make sure everything is all480
00:23:29,339 –> 00:23:32,487
[alice_penn_]: right and that life is going to
be okay and that was a big mistake481
00:23:32,648 –> 00:23:38,560
[alice_penn_]: so by the time the marriage did
end again i’d got to really bad point482
00:23:38,620 –> 00:23:41,786
[alice_penn_]: in my mental health and i was
lucky enough to be getting really support from483
00:23:41,846 –> 00:23:42,868
[alice_penn_]: professionals at the time484
00:23:43,583 –> 00:23:44,190
[adam_hill]: hm485
00:23:43,809 –> 00:23:44,751
[alice_penn_]: but they did challenge486
00:23:44,520 –> 00:23:45,630
[adam_hill]: oh487
00:23:44,871 –> 00:23:52,867
[alice_penn_]: me start to learn to share what
i was really thinking and experiencing and feeling488
00:23:53,589 –> 00:24:02,135
[alice_penn_]: and i started to do that in
my relationship and then realized that i wasn’t489
00:24:02,356 –> 00:24:07,104
[alice_penn_]: going to be able to be myself
in the fullest version of who i was490
00:24:08,125 –> 00:24:11,731
[alice_penn_]: i wasn’t going to have a sort
of relationship491
00:24:11,400 –> 00:24:12,120
[adam_hill]: yeah492
00:24:11,771 –> 00:24:14,357
[alice_penn_]: where we could meet each other’s needs
and493
00:24:14,412 –> 00:24:14,452
[adam_hill]: hm494
00:24:14,437 –> 00:24:15,620
[alice_penn_]: it wasn’t for lack of trying495
00:24:15,399 –> 00:24:15,420
[adam_hill]: m496
00:24:15,660 –> 00:24:18,567
[alice_penn_]: because you do feel like a failure
when the these things don’t work out497
00:24:18,822 –> 00:24:18,985
[adam_hill]: sure498
00:24:19,288 –> 00:24:23,619
[alice_penn_]: but i felt that it was best
trance for me and for him to be499
00:24:23,759 –> 00:24:30,190
[alice_penn_]: able to find some healing and find
some recovery and hopefully have a better both500
00:24:30,270 –> 00:24:30,932
[alice_penn_]: of better lives501
00:24:31,620 –> 00:24:31,963
[adam_hill]: mhm502
00:24:31,635 –> 00:24:36,074
[alice_penn_]: so i think i just reached the
point where i thought i have exhausted as503
00:24:36,134 –> 00:24:40,560
[alice_penn_]: many avenues as i can and i
don’t think i’m going to make it if504
00:24:40,700 –> 00:24:45,479
[alice_penn_]: i don’t do something different i’m so
messed with this other person that i think505
00:24:45,539 –> 00:24:48,224
[alice_penn_]: i need to hair back die506
00:24:48,051 –> 00:24:48,131
[adam_hill]: ah507
00:24:48,264 –> 00:24:52,471
[alice_penn_]: back ground myself and actually find a
way forwards so508
00:24:52,943 –> 00:24:53,550
[adam_hill]: hm509
00:24:53,193 –> 00:24:58,381
[alice_penn_]: it came out of desperation but and
though i still to this day think you510
00:24:58,421 –> 00:25:03,350
[alice_penn_]: know i hope i made the right
decision it certainly allowed me to face myself511
00:25:03,530 –> 00:25:08,498
[alice_penn_]: and also not think that and blame
someone else for my problems and actually make512
00:25:08,618 –> 00:25:12,004
[alice_penn_]: the change that i needed to make
and i only can hope and pray that513
00:25:12,345 –> 00:25:15,129
[alice_penn_]: you know the other person has been
able to do the same so it came514
00:25:15,189 –> 00:25:15,390
[alice_penn_]: from a515
00:25:15,385 –> 00:25:15,406
[adam_hill]: h516
00:25:15,450 –> 00:25:15,930
[alice_penn_]: decision of517
00:25:15,999 –> 00:25:16,020
[adam_hill]: m518
00:25:16,672 –> 00:25:20,035
[alice_penn_]: if i’m going to survive i think
that this is this is what i’m going519
00:25:20,095 –> 00:25:21,857
[alice_penn_]: to need to do as hard as
it is520
00:25:22,570 –> 00:25:22,711
[adam_hill]: yeah521
00:25:22,858 –> 00:25:26,802
[alice_penn_]: it felt like the hard harder decision
at the time but the right decision so522
00:25:27,212 –> 00:25:31,045
[adam_hill]: it’s hard to acknowledge especially you know
when we when we’re in a relationship when523
00:25:31,085 –> 00:25:35,274
[adam_hill]: we love someone we don’t you know
that we can’t control that person even524
00:25:35,305 –> 00:25:35,428
[alice_penn_]: yeah525
00:25:35,354 –> 00:25:38,700
[adam_hill]: there their choices that’s that’s hard and526
00:25:38,744 –> 00:25:38,868
[alice_penn_]: yeah527
00:25:38,760 –> 00:25:45,391
[adam_hill]: i know that that’s a challenge to
overcome but but it is hugely just to528
00:25:45,972 –> 00:25:50,860
[adam_hill]: take that step that that you did
and just to acknowledge you for that and529
00:25:51,060 –> 00:25:56,389
[adam_hill]: you know the feeling of failure i
think a lot of people can resonate with530
00:25:56,449 –> 00:25:59,557
[adam_hill]: it myself included when when things don’t
work out the way we531
00:25:59,703 –> 00:26:00,328
[alice_penn_]: ye532
00:25:59,838 –> 00:26:00,439
[adam_hill]: want them to533
00:26:02,133 –> 00:26:02,356
[alice_penn_]: oh534
00:26:02,264 –> 00:26:07,354
[adam_hill]: but with that said you know you
wrote you rise from the ashes on things535
00:26:07,414 –> 00:26:12,462
[adam_hill]: like that and maybe even things aren’t
as bad as as they they as you536
00:26:12,562 –> 00:26:18,818
[adam_hill]: think they are what would you what
would you say to someone that is feeling537
00:26:18,858 –> 00:26:25,419
[adam_hill]: that sense of hopelessness or failure um
or sense of failure now from the perspective538
00:26:25,460 –> 00:26:28,808
[adam_hill]: of somebody who’s who came back from
that and achieved so much more539
00:26:30,754 –> 00:26:35,161
[alice_penn_]: look i actually walked across a bridge
one night in london shortly before i returned540
00:26:35,221 –> 00:26:39,388
[alice_penn_]: to africa and i saw a sign
this a true story and it said and541
00:26:39,428 –> 00:26:42,874
[alice_penn_]: it was dark and it was winter
and i was walking through one of the542
00:26:42,894 –> 00:26:46,939
[alice_penn_]: row parks across some water and there’s
this bridge in the sun little board on543
00:26:47,040 –> 00:26:52,565
[alice_penn_]: it said m don’t quit now it
could be a second too soon and544
00:26:52,595 –> 00:26:52,636
[adam_hill]: m545
00:26:52,605 –> 00:26:53,428
[alice_penn_]: i’ll never forget that546
00:26:53,430 –> 00:26:53,633
[adam_hill]: ye547
00:26:53,508 –> 00:27:00,173
[alice_penn_]: because i try to take that principle
now even into my into my business you548
00:27:00,253 –> 00:27:05,522
[alice_penn_]: are often just one phone call away
one conversation way one step away one moment549
00:27:05,602 –> 00:27:08,306
[alice_penn_]: away from something happening that is the
thing that you need to happen550
00:27:08,970 –> 00:27:09,960
[adam_hill]: mhm551
00:27:09,228 –> 00:27:16,744
[alice_penn_]: so that is what i try and
say to people in terms of not giving552
00:27:16,804 –> 00:27:23,128
[alice_penn_]: up giving up hope and now there’s
nothing that you can really say to somebody553
00:27:23,220 –> 00:27:23,561
[adam_hill]: oh554
00:27:23,228 –> 00:27:26,093
[alice_penn_]: to take them out of despair555
00:27:25,920 –> 00:27:25,940
[adam_hill]: m556
00:27:26,134 –> 00:27:26,714
[alice_penn_]: that they may be557
00:27:26,880 –> 00:27:27,182
[adam_hill]: oh558
00:27:26,915 –> 00:27:29,279
[alice_penn_]: in but sometimes just share my story559
00:27:28,919 –> 00:27:28,980
[adam_hill]: ah560
00:27:29,760 –> 00:27:32,945
[alice_penn_]: i mean after my divorce and i
came back to africa i think i turned561
00:27:33,426 –> 00:27:35,970
[alice_penn_]: forty sleeping in my parents sleeping in562
00:27:35,940 –> 00:27:36,182
[adam_hill]: yah563
00:27:36,010 –> 00:27:37,653
[alice_penn_]: my childhood bedroom so that was a
a564
00:27:37,679 –> 00:27:37,740
[adam_hill]: ah565
00:27:37,813 –> 00:27:37,973
[alice_penn_]: high566
00:27:38,031 –> 00:27:38,195
[adam_hill]: yeah567
00:27:38,033 –> 00:27:39,916
[alice_penn_]: light for me i thought568
00:27:40,050 –> 00:27:40,271
[adam_hill]: yeah569
00:27:40,457 –> 00:27:45,666
[alice_penn_]: goodness me i’m just you know pupil
who’s done so well at school and all570
00:27:45,706 –> 00:27:48,050
[alice_penn_]: of these things and here i am
sleeping sleeping571
00:27:47,760 –> 00:27:47,982
[adam_hill]: oh572
00:27:48,110 –> 00:27:49,412
[alice_penn_]: literally in my childhood bedroom573
00:27:50,100 –> 00:27:50,486
[adam_hill]: mhm574
00:27:50,214 –> 00:27:55,463
[alice_penn_]: um so to try and give people
hope that you are you just actually just575
00:27:55,523 –> 00:27:59,990
[alice_penn_]: have to keep going one step at
a time because it’s like a raging river576
00:28:00,131 –> 00:28:00,311
[alice_penn_]: there577
00:28:00,174 –> 00:28:00,195
[adam_hill]: a578
00:28:00,411 –> 00:28:03,818
[alice_penn_]: is you can get across this river
to the bank on the other side it’s579
00:28:03,858 –> 00:28:06,583
[alice_penn_]: a little bit about a leap of
faith i think580
00:28:07,517 –> 00:28:08,430
[adam_hill]: h m581
00:28:08,648 –> 00:28:10,451
[alice_penn_]: which try and try and help people
with582
00:28:11,580 –> 00:28:17,169
[adam_hill]: yeah well that it’s funny you mentioned
the sleeping in your parents house583
00:28:16,983 –> 00:28:20,163
[alice_penn_]: yeah584
00:28:17,369 –> 00:28:22,257
[adam_hill]: at that point in time it was
this it was a very similar experience to585
00:28:22,317 –> 00:28:28,373
[adam_hill]: what i had come out of my
hopeless point my bottom where i was you586
00:28:28,413 –> 00:28:31,759
[adam_hill]: know my mind was much different because
i was on the side of the addiction587
00:28:31,899 –> 00:28:32,420
[adam_hill]: side where i588
00:28:32,423 –> 00:28:32,567
[alice_penn_]: yeah589
00:28:32,821 –> 00:28:37,709
[adam_hill]: came out and i was coming home
from jail i went directly to my my590
00:28:37,809 –> 00:28:40,281
[adam_hill]: parents hous because my wife wouldn’t have
me home obviously591
00:28:40,426 –> 00:28:40,446
[alice_penn_]: a592
00:28:41,005 –> 00:28:45,986
[adam_hill]: so that was where i had my
sense of hopelessness to was sitting laying in593
00:28:46,026 –> 00:28:47,770
[adam_hill]: my pen in my childhood594
00:28:47,553 –> 00:28:47,915
[alice_penn_]: oh595
00:28:47,810 –> 00:28:49,312
[adam_hill]: home in my childhood bedroom596
00:28:50,133 –> 00:28:50,413
[alice_penn_]: oh597
00:28:50,214 –> 00:28:52,257
[adam_hill]: um and yeah so that’s598
00:28:52,396 –> 00:28:53,457
[alice_penn_]: it’s a humbling feeling599
00:28:53,850 –> 00:28:59,700
[adam_hill]: it is very humbling but but to
to everybody listening that you can bounce back600
00:29:00,140 –> 00:29:00,240
[adam_hill]: and601
00:29:00,403 –> 00:29:00,525
[alice_penn_]: yeah602
00:29:00,561 –> 00:29:04,568
[adam_hill]: and i mean in your case it
wasn’t it wasn’t self imposed that was an603
00:29:04,628 –> 00:29:09,135
[adam_hill]: empowering decision make that move which is
which is a key different you know it’s604
00:29:09,175 –> 00:29:11,279
[adam_hill]: an empowering move to make that to
take605
00:29:11,223 –> 00:29:11,363
[alice_penn_]: yeah606
00:29:11,319 –> 00:29:16,307
[adam_hill]: that step and you took a powerful
step there and i think that that’s that’s607
00:29:16,367 –> 00:29:18,154
[adam_hill]: important and608
00:29:18,023 –> 00:29:22,415
[alice_penn_]: except to be to be fair you
have to i allowed myself to go through609
00:29:22,476 –> 00:29:23,820
[alice_penn_]: that marriage for that610
00:29:23,892 –> 00:29:24,600
[adam_hill]: hm611
00:29:23,940 –> 00:29:29,039
[alice_penn_]: long and i allowed the financial position
were in for me to sort of let612
00:29:29,119 –> 00:29:34,528
[alice_penn_]: it be remain unchecked i didn’t i
stopped having control over my own finances and613
00:29:34,588 –> 00:29:39,495
[alice_penn_]: yes other people could look inwardly and
say look from the outward in and say614
00:29:40,395 –> 00:29:43,378
[alice_penn_]: well why did you do that you’re
an educated person you should have known what615
00:29:43,418 –> 00:29:45,059
[alice_penn_]: was going on but i didn’t616
00:29:45,682 –> 00:29:45,887
[adam_hill]: right617
00:29:45,820 –> 00:29:52,759
[alice_penn_]: and so as much as i yes
it wasn’t someone else’s addiction isn’t my isn’t618
00:29:52,839 –> 00:29:57,166
[alice_penn_]: self imposed i still probably enabled a
lot of things that went on and i619
00:29:57,287 –> 00:29:57,587
[alice_penn_]: made the620
00:29:57,512 –> 00:29:57,532
[adam_hill]: h621
00:29:57,627 –> 00:29:58,108
[alice_penn_]: choices622
00:29:58,239 –> 00:29:58,260
[adam_hill]: m623
00:29:58,529 –> 00:30:02,395
[alice_penn_]: and i’m always very clear that it
was important to take accountability for that that624
00:30:02,455 –> 00:30:05,661
[alice_penn_]: i was parted to what went on
i was party to the fact that i625
00:30:05,741 –> 00:30:08,525
[alice_penn_]: came back with two suit cases and
not much else to my name and had626
00:30:08,565 –> 00:30:14,115
[alice_penn_]: to start again so i think that
you can feel like failure because your judgment627
00:30:14,275 –> 00:30:14,776
[alice_penn_]: perhaps has628
00:30:14,700 –> 00:30:14,720
[adam_hill]: m629
00:30:14,816 –> 00:30:18,702
[alice_penn_]: been so bad and you’ve allowed yourself
to reach a point where ve had to630
00:30:18,823 –> 00:30:21,146
[alice_penn_]: turn to your parents and say help631
00:30:22,144 –> 00:30:22,345
[adam_hill]: right632
00:30:22,208 –> 00:30:25,781
[alice_penn_]: i need a little bit of help
so i think you know it does have633
00:30:25,821 –> 00:30:26,567
[alice_penn_]: both sides to it634
00:30:27,720 –> 00:30:32,308
[adam_hill]: yeah that’s a that’s a great point
and and a lot of times definitely overlooked635
00:30:32,789 –> 00:30:36,595
[adam_hill]: as far as how we you know
how we look inwardly at ourselves on that636
00:30:36,655 –> 00:30:36,916
[adam_hill]: and how637
00:30:36,803 –> 00:30:36,947
[alice_penn_]: yeah638
00:30:37,016 –> 00:30:43,046
[adam_hill]: we how we contribute some of those
situations but how know a lot of times639
00:30:43,066 –> 00:30:45,009
[adam_hill]: we’re just unaware you know we640
00:30:45,042 –> 00:30:45,063
[alice_penn_]: m641
00:30:45,109 –> 00:30:48,174
[adam_hill]: think that you know our world is
a lot smaller in those points than we642
00:30:48,234 –> 00:30:48,375
[adam_hill]: think643
00:30:48,312 –> 00:30:48,333
[alice_penn_]: m644
00:30:48,415 –> 00:30:48,775
[adam_hill]: they are645
00:30:49,124 –> 00:30:49,268
[alice_penn_]: yeah646
00:30:49,637 –> 00:30:54,000
[adam_hill]: and we don’t realize that it’s it’s
much bigger until we kind of get that647
00:30:54,121 –> 00:30:58,408
[adam_hill]: get that sense of exposure think that’s
where hopelessness and hope kind of come into648
00:30:58,468 –> 00:30:58,668
[adam_hill]: play649
00:30:58,983 –> 00:30:59,103
[alice_penn_]: yeah650
00:30:59,449 –> 00:31:06,021
[adam_hill]: um but you know now you kind
of you you’re you’re living this this life651
00:31:06,101 –> 00:31:10,550
[adam_hill]: is as a as a coach as
an international coach you know consultant you speak652
00:31:10,971 –> 00:31:12,394
[adam_hill]: on these subjects and everything like that653
00:31:13,923 –> 00:31:14,144
[alice_penn_]: oh654
00:31:14,038 –> 00:31:18,756
[adam_hill]: and to the aspect of identity and
how you are how how you’re shaping your655
00:31:18,796 –> 00:31:23,584
[adam_hill]: identity now what does that look like
as far as how you’re defining your identity656
00:31:23,684 –> 00:31:26,049
[adam_hill]: or not defining it what does that
look like657
00:31:27,675 –> 00:31:34,977
[alice_penn_]: look i one of the things that
really helped me was the approach of having658
00:31:35,097 –> 00:31:37,240
[alice_penn_]: a future identity and659
00:31:37,242 –> 00:31:37,263
[adam_hill]: h660
00:31:37,301 –> 00:31:38,022
[alice_penn_]: this is actually661
00:31:37,929 –> 00:31:37,950
[adam_hill]: m662
00:31:38,082 –> 00:31:42,469
[alice_penn_]: a neuro science thing but originally one
of the first people to talk about it663
00:31:42,529 –> 00:31:47,723
[alice_penn_]: that i’m aware of is what victor
frank who you’ve probably heard of hollocos survivor664
00:31:48,400 –> 00:31:48,622
[adam_hill]: yes665
00:31:48,526 –> 00:31:54,659
[alice_penn_]: but he was i think he was
a psychiatrist a neurologist neuro biologist like you666
00:31:54,699 –> 00:32:00,830
[alice_penn_]: had you know many specialities before the
war he got married just before the war667
00:32:00,850 –> 00:32:05,698
[alice_penn_]: when he was writing a book um
and he had the manuscript with him and668
00:32:05,918 –> 00:32:07,481
[alice_penn_]: they were taken into the camps669
00:32:07,262 –> 00:32:07,344
[adam_hill]: oh670
00:32:07,801 –> 00:32:12,048
[alice_penn_]: and i think he watched his father
dies mother died they were taken you know671
00:32:12,108 –> 00:32:13,410
[alice_penn_]: he was in the end an ashvitzs672
00:32:13,020 –> 00:32:13,164
[adam_hill]: ye673
00:32:13,491 –> 00:32:16,436
[alice_penn_]: wife also died and i think674
00:32:16,350 –> 00:32:17,310
[adam_hill]: oh675
00:32:16,536 –> 00:32:19,421
[alice_penn_]: his mother and brother with him towards
the end and they were guests in the676
00:32:19,481 –> 00:32:20,542
[alice_penn_]: chambers but677
00:32:20,460 –> 00:32:20,480
[adam_hill]: m678
00:32:20,602 –> 00:32:21,845
[alice_penn_]: what had got him through was the679
00:32:21,789 –> 00:32:21,810
[adam_hill]: m680
00:32:21,885 –> 00:32:28,075
[alice_penn_]: writing of this manuscript and when the
night guards the manuscript had been hiding on681
00:32:28,155 –> 00:32:32,282
[alice_penn_]: him the whole way through so for
years he’d been hiding this manuscript i think682
00:32:32,322 –> 00:32:35,267
[alice_penn_]: he felt that his whole life had
sort of fallen apart because this is the683
00:32:35,307 –> 00:32:38,532
[alice_penn_]: thing that been kept keeping him going
and in that moment he had a choice684
00:32:39,133 –> 00:32:43,220
[alice_penn_]: and he talks about this idea of
a future identity he chose the victor frankell685
00:32:43,280 –> 00:32:45,203
[alice_penn_]: that he was picturing686
00:32:45,085 –> 00:32:45,147
[adam_hill]: ah687
00:32:45,264 –> 00:32:46,426
[alice_penn_]: would be back688
00:32:46,548 –> 00:32:46,731
[adam_hill]: not689
00:32:47,688 –> 00:32:48,309
[alice_penn_]: outside690
00:32:48,492 –> 00:32:48,512
[adam_hill]: i691
00:32:49,030 –> 00:32:52,476
[alice_penn_]: living as a free man with a
book that was published692
00:32:52,543 –> 00:32:53,100
[adam_hill]: yeah693
00:32:52,876 –> 00:32:54,980
[alice_penn_]: and as a successful author and he694
00:32:55,211 –> 00:32:55,860
[adam_hill]: hm695
00:32:55,220 –> 00:32:59,087
[alice_penn_]: lived the rest of his time in
the camps as that person because he witnessed696
00:32:59,167 –> 00:33:02,552
[alice_penn_]: the people dying around him and knew
that the ones who made it with a697
00:33:02,753 –> 00:33:06,359
[alice_penn_]: so you had this bigger purpose or
a future purpose of identity698
00:33:07,270 –> 00:33:07,920
[adam_hill]: hm699
00:33:07,400 –> 00:33:08,202
[alice_penn_]: and then many of700
00:33:08,220 –> 00:33:08,240
[adam_hill]: m701
00:33:08,342 –> 00:33:13,731
[alice_penn_]: the more modern day self help books
that you may read people like james clear702
00:33:13,891 –> 00:33:17,665
[alice_penn_]: in atomic habit and benjamin had for
the others they talk about the same thing703
00:33:18,429 –> 00:33:25,238
[alice_penn_]: so what i did and if you’re
talking about identity is one of the things704
00:33:25,258 –> 00:33:32,224
[alice_penn_]: that help me in my lowest moment
was actually spending time visualizing alice that could705
00:33:32,324 –> 00:33:36,050
[alice_penn_]: be at her best or a hundred
percent alice no706
00:33:35,971 –> 00:33:36,031
[adam_hill]: hm707
00:33:36,151 –> 00:33:41,059
[alice_penn_]: hold bar what could life be like
and just starting to picture and feel where708
00:33:41,119 –> 00:33:46,270
[alice_penn_]: am i living what do i eat
who with what if i do you know709
00:33:46,591 –> 00:33:50,801
[alice_penn_]: all the little details and really starting
to feel the energy and emotion around that710
00:33:51,683 –> 00:33:52,203
[alice_penn_]: and at first711
00:33:52,110 –> 00:33:52,130
[adam_hill]: m712
00:33:52,264 –> 00:33:53,005
[alice_penn_]: when somebody told me713
00:33:53,019 –> 00:33:53,040
[adam_hill]: m714
00:33:53,045 –> 00:33:56,150
[alice_penn_]: to start doing this i thought oh
this is a bunch of woo nonsense and715
00:33:56,190 –> 00:34:01,238
[alice_penn_]: then i understood that this is about
creating new neural pathways this716
00:34:01,172 –> 00:34:01,192
[adam_hill]: m717
00:34:01,319 –> 00:34:01,739
[alice_penn_]: is about718
00:34:01,839 –> 00:34:01,860
[adam_hill]: m719
00:34:01,880 –> 00:34:05,746
[alice_penn_]: starting to think and feel in it
different way and it’s actually a discipline and720
00:34:05,766 –> 00:34:09,693
[alice_penn_]: you almost have to force yourself to
do it so every morning at my lowest721
00:34:09,773 –> 00:34:13,940
[alice_penn_]: point i used to spend five to
ten minutes picturing this alice in a wonderful722
00:34:13,980 –> 00:34:18,267
[alice_penn_]: life and it soon came the best
part of my day because723
00:34:18,040 –> 00:34:18,203
[adam_hill]: yeah724
00:34:18,327 –> 00:34:25,258
[alice_penn_]: i felt so fantastic afterwards but sure
enough pushing my brain into that energy into725
00:34:25,319 –> 00:34:28,744
[alice_penn_]: those thoughts my life look le started
to change726
00:34:29,430 –> 00:34:29,450
[adam_hill]: m727
00:34:29,585 –> 00:34:30,527
[alice_penn_]: so i728
00:34:30,669 –> 00:34:30,690
[adam_hill]: m729
00:34:30,707 –> 00:34:35,265
[alice_penn_]: can’t say that i have a fixed
identity i am this person but what i730
00:34:35,365 –> 00:34:42,074
[alice_penn_]: do have is every day thinking about
what actions do i take today are they731
00:34:42,294 –> 00:34:49,648
[alice_penn_]: serving future alice or not um so
that i’m not living in the past i’m732
00:34:49,729 –> 00:34:54,957
[alice_penn_]: not continuing to sort of lead live
this predictable past becomes my my predictable future733
00:34:55,578 –> 00:34:57,221
[alice_penn_]: i think those are the words of
joe spenser734
00:34:57,042 –> 00:34:57,207
[adam_hill]: yeah735
00:34:57,822 –> 00:34:59,527
[alice_penn_]: but if i can live736
00:34:59,471 –> 00:34:59,491
[adam_hill]: i737
00:34:59,648 –> 00:35:02,076
[alice_penn_]: as future self and make decisions today
that738
00:35:02,010 –> 00:35:02,233
[adam_hill]: oh739
00:35:02,256 –> 00:35:05,145
[alice_penn_]: serve future me that will help740
00:35:05,041 –> 00:35:05,143
[adam_hill]: ah741
00:35:05,305 –> 00:35:06,668
[alice_penn_]: me continue to make742
00:35:06,694 –> 00:35:06,797
[adam_hill]: ah743
00:35:06,729 –> 00:35:07,591
[alice_penn_]: change in my life744
00:35:07,500 –> 00:35:08,400
[adam_hill]: oh745
00:35:07,731 –> 00:35:11,901
[alice_penn_]: so yeah i don’t have a fixed
identity but i certainly have an idea of746
00:35:12,583 –> 00:35:18,246
[alice_penn_]: full potential hundred percent alice actually how
fantastic life could be747
00:35:18,720 –> 00:35:19,169
[adam_hill]: oh748
00:35:18,807 –> 00:35:20,931
[alice_penn_]: to try and live in that space749
00:35:21,860 –> 00:35:26,809
[adam_hill]: so no fixed identity but you are
living in that future identity self or you’re750
00:35:26,869 –> 00:35:31,476
[adam_hill]: trying to live more in that you’re
doing that as a practice every morning um751
00:35:31,577 –> 00:35:34,802
[adam_hill]: that’s a that’s a great way and
that and that that’s part of science so752
00:35:34,862 –> 00:35:35,583
[adam_hill]: that’s part753
00:35:35,463 –> 00:35:35,684
[alice_penn_]: oh754
00:35:35,623 –> 00:35:38,969
[adam_hill]: of the science of change that you
talk about and that you share about getting755
00:35:38,989 –> 00:35:44,799
[adam_hill]: into the neuro science of that um
so how does that look in terms of756
00:35:45,600 –> 00:35:50,967
[adam_hill]: of how that works within your program
the solving for stock and the science of757
00:35:51,027 –> 00:35:52,149
[adam_hill]: change those kinds of things758
00:35:52,143 –> 00:35:56,789
[alice_penn_]: ye yeah so the first the first
thing i take people through is why they759
00:35:56,909 –> 00:35:58,692
[alice_penn_]: with me in the first place so
why are they760
00:35:58,625 –> 00:35:58,645
[adam_hill]: m761
00:35:58,792 –> 00:35:59,313
[alice_penn_]: stuck because what762
00:35:59,259 –> 00:35:59,280
[adam_hill]: m763
00:35:59,373 –> 00:36:03,761
[alice_penn_]: we don’t want to do is take
somebody through a coaching program and then they764
00:36:03,841 –> 00:36:08,108
[alice_penn_]: land up in the same position again
or the concerns that i have is that765
00:36:08,148 –> 00:36:12,135
[alice_penn_]: if you haven’t addressed i think this
comes from my medical days if you haven’t766
00:36:12,175 –> 00:36:18,125
[alice_penn_]: addressed the real root cause and then
you start making decisions about your profession and767
00:36:18,165 –> 00:36:23,273
[alice_penn_]: your working life but you haven’t actually
addressed the mind set you’re probably not going768
00:36:23,333 –> 00:36:29,976
[alice_penn_]: to make the right choice because most
people are really held captive by self limiting769
00:36:30,036 –> 00:36:31,201
[alice_penn_]: beliefs i770
00:36:31,200 –> 00:36:32,220
[adam_hill]: mhm771
00:36:31,362 –> 00:36:35,686
[alice_penn_]: say the beliefs you have the beliefs
you are had by772
00:36:37,142 –> 00:36:37,305
[adam_hill]: ah773
00:36:37,293 –> 00:36:42,626
[alice_penn_]: so i like to work early on
with people on their self limiting beliefs and774
00:36:42,706 –> 00:36:45,893
[alice_penn_]: starting to create new beliefs and challenging
them and then775
00:36:45,751 –> 00:36:45,772
[adam_hill]: m776
00:36:46,033 –> 00:36:46,554
[alice_penn_]: move into777
00:36:46,479 –> 00:36:46,500
[adam_hill]: m778
00:36:46,975 –> 00:36:51,502
[alice_penn_]: the science of change before we move
into well where are you at your best779
00:36:51,603 –> 00:36:55,509
[alice_penn_]: what is your genius what is your
super power you can’t do this sort of780
00:36:55,549 –> 00:36:59,493
[alice_penn_]: what is your genius super power what’s
unique out o work unless you’ve kind of781
00:36:59,734 –> 00:37:03,981
[alice_penn_]: tried to start to make the change
and address the mind set side of things782
00:37:04,001 –> 00:37:07,246
[alice_penn_]: and then we can get really practical
after that and move into783
00:37:07,012 –> 00:37:07,680
[adam_hill]: h m784
00:37:07,767 –> 00:37:12,058
[alice_penn_]: how to create opportunities how to go
forward from there but that’s how bring that785
00:37:12,219 –> 00:37:13,969
[alice_penn_]: side into into the work that i
do786
00:37:14,680 –> 00:37:18,306
[adam_hill]: so it’s kind of like removing the
blockage first getting that mind set right787
00:37:18,134 –> 00:37:18,258
[alice_penn_]: yeah788
00:37:18,406 –> 00:37:19,688
[adam_hill]: and then doing the deep work789
00:37:20,203 –> 00:37:20,345
[alice_penn_]: yeah790
00:37:20,329 –> 00:37:20,890
[adam_hill]: um and791
00:37:20,871 –> 00:37:21,296
[alice_penn_]: exactly792
00:37:20,930 –> 00:37:25,518
[adam_hill]: that kind of sounds like you’re getting
into that flow state helping getting into793
00:37:25,505 –> 00:37:25,912
[alice_penn_]: exactly794
00:37:25,558 –> 00:37:30,136
[adam_hill]: that flow state which you can or
that what the unlocking of geniuses is getting795
00:37:30,093 –> 00:37:30,843
[alice_penn_]: yeah796
00:37:30,156 –> 00:37:30,657
[adam_hill]: them into flow797
00:37:31,723 –> 00:37:35,788
[alice_penn_]: exactly my actually i have a little
phrase for for that modula which is when798
00:37:35,829 –> 00:37:39,353
[alice_penn_]: you find your flow your success will
grow and799
00:37:39,307 –> 00:37:39,960
[adam_hill]: hm800
00:37:39,413 –> 00:37:43,980
[alice_penn_]: i always tell the story of oprwinfrey
but i don’t usually announce that it’s open801
00:37:44,021 –> 00:37:49,369
[alice_penn_]: at the start of the story but
from what i understand she was hard working802
00:37:49,430 –> 00:37:54,438
[alice_penn_]: at school and she had one a
radio show show competition and i think she’d803
00:37:54,478 –> 00:37:57,603
[alice_penn_]: been asked what she wanted to be
and she decided quite early on she wanted804
00:37:57,643 –> 00:38:00,207
[alice_penn_]: to be a news broadcaster805
00:38:00,720 –> 00:38:02,190
[adam_hill]: mhmm806
00:38:00,829 –> 00:38:03,693
[alice_penn_]: and she worked her way up and
she was doing quite well the world of807
00:38:03,733 –> 00:38:09,023
[alice_penn_]: reading the news but she was i
guess criticized for some of the way she808
00:38:09,083 –> 00:38:11,928
[alice_penn_]: did it now she had her hero
was barbara walters and she just wanted to809
00:38:11,968 –> 00:38:12,950
[alice_penn_]: be like barbara walters810
00:38:13,693 –> 00:38:13,734
[adam_hill]: m811
00:38:14,763 –> 00:38:18,046
[alice_penn_]: but she was criticized for how she
spoke and i guess how she looked and812
00:38:18,246 –> 00:38:22,631
[alice_penn_]: they had some they were not moving
her beyond a certain point she reached the813
00:38:22,671 –> 00:38:28,894
[alice_penn_]: threshold she was moved to a daytime
talk show which for her was a real814
00:38:29,015 –> 00:38:34,473
[alice_penn_]: side step and she felt it was
a emotion it wasn’t as intellectually challenging but815
00:38:34,553 –> 00:38:39,100
[alice_penn_]: she also recognized early on that all
the things they’re criticizing for her in the816
00:38:39,181 –> 00:38:43,428
[alice_penn_]: news broadcasting role are the things that
are making her great in this role and817
00:38:43,465 –> 00:38:44,070
[adam_hill]: hm818
00:38:43,488 –> 00:38:49,037
[alice_penn_]: her ability to connect with people and
be real and go off camera and we819
00:38:49,137 –> 00:38:52,743
[alice_penn_]: all know her success story from there
so she had you know the signs820
00:38:52,680 –> 00:38:53,164
[adam_hill]: oh821
00:38:52,783 –> 00:38:57,651
[alice_penn_]: from the universe she’ll say saying you
are in the right place do this so822
00:38:58,853 –> 00:39:02,479
[alice_penn_]: what i try to do if people
is figure out where is it that you’re823
00:39:02,539 –> 00:39:04,603
[alice_penn_]: going to be at your best and
it’s not824
00:39:04,493 –> 00:39:05,160
[adam_hill]: hm825
00:39:04,663 –> 00:39:07,728
[alice_penn_]: for everybody not everybody needs to quit
their job like i do and do such826
00:39:07,788 –> 00:39:12,316
[alice_penn_]: a radical pivot it could be that
you need to craft your current role or827
00:39:12,937 –> 00:39:16,643
[alice_penn_]: craft your work within your organization to
put you in the place that you are828
00:39:16,863 –> 00:39:18,787
[alice_penn_]: more in your zone of genius more
often829
00:39:19,470 –> 00:39:19,631
[adam_hill]: yeah830
00:39:19,668 –> 00:39:23,016
[alice_penn_]: and this is how we prevent burn
out and we bring more purpose fulfillment to831
00:39:23,056 –> 00:39:27,575
[alice_penn_]: what we do so not everybody needs
to go sort of zero to hero like832
00:39:27,635 –> 00:39:30,099
[alice_penn_]: me you know i’m very extreme not
everybody833
00:39:29,880 –> 00:39:30,040
[adam_hill]: right834
00:39:30,159 –> 00:39:33,124
[alice_penn_]: needs to do that not everybody needs
to then quit corporate and835
00:39:33,150 –> 00:39:34,140
[adam_hill]: oh836
00:39:33,224 –> 00:39:35,869
[alice_penn_]: start their own business which are still
you know i think is great for many837
00:39:36,743 –> 00:39:37,350
[adam_hill]: hm838
00:39:36,890 –> 00:39:40,298
[alice_penn_]: but it’s about knowing where am i
at my best and how do i bring839
00:39:40,358 –> 00:39:45,011
[alice_penn_]: that to my work every day so
that i can be more fulfilled truly excell840
00:39:45,833 –> 00:39:47,200
[alice_penn_]: and usually have more purpose841
00:39:47,940 –> 00:39:51,486
[adam_hill]: i think that’s such an important point
because a lot of high achievers and i842
00:39:51,526 –> 00:39:55,071
[adam_hill]: know there’s a lot of coaches at
work with high achievers that just try to843
00:39:55,132 –> 00:39:59,439
[adam_hill]: get their absolute best all of the
time out of out of somebody and i844
00:39:59,699 –> 00:40:02,163
[adam_hill]: speak to that perfection is part that
you are845
00:40:02,085 –> 00:40:02,228
[alice_penn_]: yeah846
00:40:02,424 –> 00:40:06,230
[adam_hill]: talking about i mean a lot of
and and and a lot of people i847
00:40:06,270 –> 00:40:09,616
[adam_hill]: mean look at if you look at
somebody like david goggins who’s an ultra848
00:40:09,659 –> 00:40:10,233
[alice_penn_]: hm849
00:40:09,716 –> 00:40:10,798
[adam_hill]: distance person850
00:40:10,713 –> 00:40:11,218
[alice_penn_]: oh851
00:40:11,419 –> 00:40:15,365
[adam_hill]: you know ways challenging people saying you
know you’re only doing forty percent of what852
00:40:15,385 –> 00:40:15,966
[adam_hill]: you’re capable853
00:40:15,586 –> 00:40:15,729
[alice_penn_]: yeah854
00:40:16,066 –> 00:40:20,253
[adam_hill]: of and you always got to push
beyond this it’s like well you know i855
00:40:20,294 –> 00:40:23,098
[adam_hill]: don’t think everybody needs to be david
goggins nobody856
00:40:23,073 –> 00:40:23,155
[alice_penn_]: no857
00:40:23,258 –> 00:40:28,187
[adam_hill]: not everybody it’s to be you know
that that extreme person you know sometimes giving858
00:40:28,447 –> 00:40:32,995
[adam_hill]: seventy or eighty percent is enough it’s
the best you can do otherwise when you’re859
00:40:33,075 –> 00:40:36,642
[adam_hill]: giving a hundred and ten per cent
all the time you’re going to burn you’re860
00:40:36,682 –> 00:40:39,772
[adam_hill]: gonna have a lot of those mental
health issues that you’re gonna you’re not going861
00:40:39,812 –> 00:40:42,774
[adam_hill]: to give yourself the capacity to overcome862
00:40:42,523 –> 00:40:42,907
[alice_penn_]: i agree863
00:40:43,730 –> 00:40:43,871
[adam_hill]: yeah864
00:40:44,133 –> 00:40:48,548
[alice_penn_]: i agree i think i think it’s
about choosing where you place your energy so865
00:40:48,583 –> 00:40:49,170
[adam_hill]: hm866
00:40:48,689 –> 00:40:54,799
[alice_penn_]: for me working really hard and sort
of david goggins to the max in medicine867
00:40:55,440 –> 00:40:59,677
[alice_penn_]: sure i was doing well i was
burning up because i wasn’t in my genius868
00:40:59,737 –> 00:40:59,977
[alice_penn_]: zone869
00:41:00,872 –> 00:41:00,892
[adam_hill]: h870
00:41:00,899 –> 00:41:01,860
[alice_penn_]: i could have probably871
00:41:01,779 –> 00:41:01,800
[adam_hill]: m872
00:41:02,441 –> 00:41:06,188
[alice_penn_]: pulled back a bit and been in
a better environment and been been more successful873
00:41:06,348 –> 00:41:11,543
[alice_penn_]: however what i do think is useful
but about guggnses the notion that when you874
00:41:11,603 –> 00:41:15,730
[alice_penn_]: are staying to feel that resistance that
is just the beginning of what you are875
00:41:15,790 –> 00:41:18,996
[alice_penn_]: still capable of and i think that’s
really important for876
00:41:18,870 –> 00:41:18,890
[adam_hill]: m877
00:41:19,316 –> 00:41:20,037
[alice_penn_]: you know people878
00:41:19,959 –> 00:41:20,255
[adam_hill]: m oh879
00:41:20,077 –> 00:41:25,787
[alice_penn_]: that are becoming trupenurs or you know
just in in life in general or in880
00:41:25,827 –> 00:41:29,834
[alice_penn_]: the working environment that you do have
you do have more to give i think881
00:41:30,034 –> 00:41:36,284
[alice_penn_]: is an important message but certainly some
of his approach is a little bit more882
00:41:36,304 –> 00:41:40,267
[alice_penn_]: extreme and probably not for everybody good
when you are trying to push through to883
00:41:40,307 –> 00:41:42,950
[alice_penn_]: get a good marathon time or something
like that but884
00:41:42,910 –> 00:41:43,090
[adam_hill]: sure885
00:41:43,570 –> 00:41:45,192
[alice_penn_]: not necessarily on a day to day886
00:41:46,155 –> 00:41:48,880
[adam_hill]: right right it’s a great point887
00:41:49,383 –> 00:41:49,403
[alice_penn_]: m888
00:41:49,881 –> 00:41:53,768
[adam_hill]: and so what’s so what’s next for
you what are you working on now what889
00:41:53,828 –> 00:41:57,858
[adam_hill]: are you what is future identity alice
look like at this point890
00:41:59,275 –> 00:42:02,000
[alice_penn_]: so i’m trying to grow my business
and891
00:42:02,195 –> 00:42:02,215
[adam_hill]: m892
00:42:02,340 –> 00:42:06,046
[alice_penn_]: i’m still taking one to one clients
for my coaching program which is a four893
00:42:06,086 –> 00:42:08,110
[alice_penn_]: to six months program and894
00:42:08,053 –> 00:42:08,640
[adam_hill]: hm895
00:42:08,450 –> 00:42:13,419
[alice_penn_]: i’m also developing a program to work
with corporates to help people through transition so896
00:42:13,719 –> 00:42:18,207
[alice_penn_]: perhaps people coming back from burn out
or illness or even after some kind of897
00:42:18,287 –> 00:42:27,311
[alice_penn_]: career break how to transition through through
the sort of change really successfully perhaps898
00:42:27,049 –> 00:42:27,090
[adam_hill]: h899
00:42:27,712 –> 00:42:27,852
[alice_penn_]: may900
00:42:27,879 –> 00:42:27,900
[adam_hill]: m901
00:42:27,932 –> 00:42:31,478
[alice_penn_]: be a new role within work or
promotion so i’m also doing that and i’m902
00:42:31,538 –> 00:42:32,740
[alice_penn_]: trying to pick up my903
00:42:33,039 –> 00:42:33,060
[adam_hill]: m904
00:42:33,361 –> 00:42:40,153
[alice_penn_]: my speaking career a little bit again
so i’m still in the growth phase but905
00:42:40,413 –> 00:42:40,794
[alice_penn_]: yeah i’m906
00:42:40,773 –> 00:42:40,874
[adam_hill]: ah907
00:42:40,874 –> 00:42:46,624
[alice_penn_]: excited to maybe start creating courses and
deliver more of a one to many908
00:42:46,470 –> 00:42:46,694
[adam_hill]: yeah909
00:42:46,665 –> 00:42:48,751
[alice_penn_]: approach along with my one to one
coaching910
00:42:49,640 –> 00:42:53,465
[adam_hill]: i love that so it’s uh yeah
and you’ve got a lot to give you’ve911
00:42:53,485 –> 00:42:59,213
[adam_hill]: got a lot of experience here and
it’s just such a perfect balance of you912
00:42:59,253 –> 00:43:04,702
[adam_hill]: know helping people change helping organizations change
whose organizations are like you know they’re like913
00:43:04,742 –> 00:43:06,485
[adam_hill]: people too they have identity crises914
00:43:06,473 –> 00:43:06,595
[alice_penn_]: yeah915
00:43:07,086 –> 00:43:07,947
[adam_hill]: so they need916
00:43:07,803 –> 00:43:07,823
[alice_penn_]: m917
00:43:08,048 –> 00:43:13,617
[adam_hill]: that that management their identities too so
just the fact that you are you have918
00:43:13,697 –> 00:43:17,584
[adam_hill]: the background that you do you have
the experts and that credibility is a doctor919
00:43:17,744 –> 00:43:26,118
[adam_hill]: helping companies and in finance and now
you’re bringing that science to personal development which920
00:43:26,178 –> 00:43:26,258
[adam_hill]: is921
00:43:26,486 –> 00:43:26,628
[alice_penn_]: yeah922
00:43:26,619 –> 00:43:32,028
[adam_hill]: which is huge and so i’m very
grateful you were sharing your wisdom and your923
00:43:32,048 –> 00:43:36,455
[adam_hill]: experience with us today a lot of
people who you know are high achievers who924
00:43:36,635 –> 00:43:41,263
[adam_hill]: who want to achieve more can really
relate to a story like yours you know925
00:43:41,323 –> 00:43:47,473
[adam_hill]: coming from that perfectionist background you know
trying to uh work through through your identity926
00:43:47,513 –> 00:43:50,799
[adam_hill]: through the challenge you’ve faced but realizing
that that identity does not shape927
00:43:50,853 –> 00:43:51,237
[alice_penn_]: oh928
00:43:50,859 –> 00:43:54,766
[adam_hill]: you and that you are you know
who the future identity of what you want929
00:43:54,806 –> 00:44:00,495
[adam_hill]: to be that’s who you are so
thank you so much for joining us today930
00:44:01,276 –> 00:44:08,428
[adam_hill]: ali has a coaching program called success
r x re define your professional path and931
00:44:08,729 –> 00:44:13,774
[adam_hill]: it tis signed for people for organizations
that are stuck and and so if that932
00:44:14,095 –> 00:44:18,459
[adam_hill]: defines you please reach out to alice
and alice where can people find you933
00:44:19,854 –> 00:44:23,981
[alice_penn_]: so i’m on alice pain m d
dot com and on my side934
00:44:23,815 –> 00:44:24,330
[adam_hill]: hm935
00:44:24,481 –> 00:44:29,690
[alice_penn_]: there’s places that you can go and
book a free call i offer everybody one936
00:44:29,810 –> 00:44:34,478
[alice_penn_]: our frecoachings if i can help you
so don’t be shy book in if i937
00:44:34,518 –> 00:44:37,163
[alice_penn_]: can help you i can if i
can’t i’ll try and find somebody who can938
00:44:38,405 –> 00:44:42,992
[alice_penn_]: also i’ve just started my youtube channel
so just search for alice pain m d939
00:44:43,633 –> 00:44:48,238
[alice_penn_]: and i’m quite active on on linked
in and instagram alice pen under school m940
00:44:48,318 –> 00:44:49,760
[alice_penn_]: d so give me a follow there941
00:44:50,690 –> 00:44:51,351
[adam_hill]: fantastic942
00:44:50,721 –> 00:44:51,642
[alice_penn_]: thank you so much adam943
00:44:52,212 –> 00:44:55,859
[adam_hill]: now thank you alas this was a
wonderful interview and i appreciate you sharing your944
00:44:55,899 –> 00:44:59,947
[adam_hill]: wisdom and to everybody else out there
thank you for joining us and we’ll see945
00:44:59,987 –> 00:45:00,929
[adam_hill]: you next time946
00:45:01,664 –> 00:45:02,172
[alice_penn_]: thanks adam