How to Get Out of Your Own Way with Chris Felton

How to Get Out of Your Own Way with Chris Felton – YouTube
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TrgYMK3gchI

Transcript:
(00:00) in my book I use the word victim a lot people hate the word victim but basically the simple definition is it’s allowing the outside world to dictate your thinking dictate your results yeah yeah and this whole outside in approach to life this hopium way of doing things and it’s freaking exhausting Adam to you know spend all your time manipulating the outside world while you seriously fiercely insist on remaining the same and you know and it’s like rearranging the furniture on the deck of the Titanic
(00:31) yeah it doesn’t matter that damn boat’s going down and and so you know that’s that’s what I had to change and the whole outside it just it just didn’t work the change had to come from me hello everyone and welcome to the flow over fear podcast where it is our mission to help you to rise above fear and realize your ultimate potential in leadership and life I’m your host Adam Hill and it is my goal to share with you the human side of high performance my guests share their experience with fear
(01:08) anxiety struggle Challenge and most importantly despite all of it how they Rose above it to achieve incredible results so if you’re ready to rise up let’s get started hey everyone welcome to flow over fear thanks for being here I am really excited to share my guest some time with my guest today uh because if you find yourself in the grips of fear around finances or change or generally just you know life circumstances that that that affect us and this episode is for you because my guest today Chris Felton has
(01:46) not only been in the financial service industry for decades he’s also lived those challenges and we’re going to dig into some of those today because at one time Chris found himself hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt on the brink of divorce facing impossible challenges at which point he made a decision he never wanted to be in that position again fast forward to today Chris is a best-selling author and a seven figure entrepreneur who founded his his firm uh in 1999 a financial services firm which
(02:19) helps and he helps tens of thousands of people internationally to overcome their resistance to change and create more success peace and impact in their lives and sharing from his own experiences he helps people to overcome their own challenges and he’s going to share some time with us today his latest book and speaking series Think and Grow you is focused on helping driven entrepreneurs break through plateaus in their growth by learning how to get out of their own way and take their success piece and impact to the next level thanks for
(02:53) joining me Chris I’m glad you’re here man Adam awesome to be here man thanks for having me yeah so I think that that that big you know uh that big shutter that we all feel when we hear about Finance or money or things like that I know that that could cause a ripple effect with with fear um why why do we have so much fear around money and Finance in our lives um I mean it just it comes back to you know we get programmed when we’re little kids right and from zero to four four we’re basically defenseless yeah we have
(03:28) no capacity to accept or reject any ideas and so um and this is a quote from uh uh or if you’ve ever heard of Margaret Lynch she wrote a book called tapping into wealth unbelievable and she said the uh the biggest determining factor of your financial success is The Vows that you made to gain acceptance into your family at a very young age powerful yeah so I bought my parents BS around money which was rich people are bad they’re Crooks uh they make money on the backs of poor people um my mom believes you either had money
(04:09) or you didn’t like you didn’t have a choice and so by the time we’re four Adam we’re 50 programmed on everything but we’re just talking about money right now uh time we’re 10 we’re about 75 program by the time we’re 18 we are 95 hard wired programmed wow and and so programming mean means we don’t even think about it so but you know studies of wealthy people show that that’s the way it was for probably the majority of people um plus as we’re growing up we get programmed by society that wealth
(04:47) is bad so I’m dating myself a little bit but Gilligan’s Island oh yeah I remember that right sir Thurston Howell and his wife were like these I mean they were like epitome rich people like yeah they were totally aloof they were like they didn’t they didn’t even think anything happened right and they’re just off being wealthy and being stuck up and all that um in the movie Spider-man The Green Goblin is a billionaire oh yeah um and then you know the movie The Titanic like wealthy people are up you
(05:21) know they’re all dressed up they hate each other uh and then all the broke people are down below partying on tables so so anyway but we get messages that it’s not okay yeah and we are afraid we’re going to turn into those people on the Titanic and so but what studies show is at some point the wealthy and I mean wealth in all areas of their life but we’re talking finances they question that and they question the validity of it and I’m 51 now but it was 37 when I finally woke up to the fact that
(05:59) I’m a CPA I’m a financial advisor and I am a broke dude why because I never checked it brother I started checking in 37. yeah well that doing the math there and I’m not a math whiz so I may be wrong but that sounds like right around the financial crisis that that happened in 2008 yeah so can can you kind of walk us through that because I’d love to I think a lot of people will be able to relate to this story being in debt you know being challenged and and and I I think it’s an important one to
(06:32) walk through because you had that Crucible there yeah yeah I mean so I uh so so I left my corporate CPA gig uh in in 2000 I started my uh my financial services and entrepreneur business I was kind of doing it part-time there and then um you know and once again bad money beliefs but I got a great work ethic and and I really wanted to be successful and then my marriage uh to my first wife just I mean it failed for lots of reasons and I disclose all those reasons in the book this guy was the reason but um and then my kids were little they
(07:11) were small and they moved and they ended up in Atlanta Georgia I’m in Colorado and then my second and last wife Marlo steps into kind of a crap show she didn’t know it because I can talk about success I talked a big game I had like trophies um but she didn’t know that I financed my divorce I laid down in my divorce because I felt so guilty and I signed a stupid office lease six thousand square feet no idea how I pulled that off and then I’m paying my XY 5200 a month in alimony and child support and I’m a
(07:49) financial services entrepreneur entering the Great Recession and thank God I paid attention to some of my intuition and I I gave the reins of our financial house over to my wife single best financial decision ever made and and she’s trying to just she’s like saying it’s just not adding up like how can you be such a dumbass and be so smart right like she’s going through it and then it hit the fan we call it the purse throwing incident and it was I had to pay my ex-wife fifty two hundred dollars the next day on the
(08:24) first I’m an entrepreneur I don’t have any money and I don’t know how I’m gonna do it so I’m out of options Adam so I come home we’re now in a rented house because we couldn’t afford the other one and there’s my wife in the kitchen and I’m like the only way I can pay my ex-wife is I know Marlo’s got a stash of cash because she’s smart enough to not co-mingle some money with a broke guy right right and I’m like and she had that money allocated for a suit a brand new suit it’s her money she’s
(09:05) got great money beliefs she’s all dialed in and I’m like I gotta get that money because I gotta pay my ex-wife and so I came home and that was that was the sales job Adam I needed to complete so you had to convince your new wife that you had to pay take her money to pay your old wife alimony yeah yeah 5200 that’s a big sale yeah yeah that’s a good sale and I’m like well she told me she loved me and come on honey we’re a team and you’ve told me I’m your soul mate and you’d do
(09:39) anything for me and and I and I turned my head for a second dude and her purse goes flying over my head oh wow and there’s like 20 pounds of stuff and it like hits the ground stuff goes over everywhere there was some stuff from the 80s in there I think I saw him a Madonna CD flat flyover purse and you know she’s five foot one dude and she is volcanic Marlo is everyone in my office is scared of her yeah and she just unloads and then I’m like well it’s so bad why are you still here like why are we even married
(10:19) and total silence and she goes upstairs and and there I am and I’m just sitting there going oh my God man and all I could see Adam was just Domino’s I could just I’m like oh my God and it was a it was turning point in my life because I was like my ex-wife never had a chance to the king of self-sabotaged she was going to blow that up my kids are small they’re on the other side of the country and where’s Dad is beginning to turn into who’s dad um I’m drinking too much the the financial pressure is like literally
(10:53) causing my wife physical pain and then I just realized I’m like toot what’s the common theme Here I mean and and I just said I got a freaking change I gotta quit living in hopium all right yeah hoping that everything’s gonna change on the outside while I fiercely insist on remaining the same and I like I gotta freaking change and I took 100 responsibility and then the next day we came together and and uh this is part of my keynote I try not to lose it every time but like dude in my wife’s moment of intense pain
(11:32) she focused on my good qualities wow and um she uh is so it would have been so easy for her to focus on the bad stuff in leaving and my pattern of relationships was okay there’s all those faults let me pick up a move all right because there’s some unicorn relationship out there that I don’t have to work at and she focus on the good things and we got back together the next day and she’s like we’re staying married we’re not declaring bankruptcy we’re not getting jobs we’re gonna figure this out and she’s
(12:09) like I’m gonna get on Planes Trains and Automobiles because one of the great things we had is we had access to wealthy mentors she’s like I’m gonna I’m gonna interview him I’m gonna figure out what they do I’m gonna figure out how they think which our first book couple’s money came from from that and then she was like what what are you gonna do dumbass and I’m like I’m gonna figure out how this mentality keeps creating broke and I just said I’m all in and I’m not interested in changing I’m committed to
(12:38) changing and an Olympic athlete’s committed to success everyone else is interested and when you’re just interested Adam you know you’ll you’ll hit a brick wall and you’ll stop you’ll use your pass you’ll use your excuses and your BS to stop and I’m gonna figure it out like I’m all in I’m all in honey and so I’m an early riser it was for I’m not saying people need to do this but I was totally I was up at four or four thirty five a.
(13:06) m I was visualizing journaling pulling out every belief every story shifting it meditating praying if you would have told me to stand on my head for an hour I would have done it and um and as Mel Robbins says it didn’t happen overnight but eventually happened over time and then we just we had a jaw-dropping transformation but it wasn’t just financially my life changed spiritually I’m 51 I got better energy at 51 and I did a 41 probably even 31.
(13:35) um just everything transformed dude and it was uh it was it was it was unbelievable that’s a that’s incredible there’s a lot to impact there and and and I I think one of the first things is that yeah you’d mentioned not interested and committed I I mean I wholeheartedly I can’t say how much I agree with that and the power of mentors and all that because really that interested part most of us are just interested in coming from the sobriety background of you know quitting alcohol um you know that is like you know you
(14:03) get in those bad moments and similarly speaking you know from a finance perspective when the heat is on yeah it’s like oh man I got to do something to change this but the second it changes and it gets comfortable again if you’re just interested that’s where it stops that you have to go keep going even when it gets hard even get it and and yeah so that’s super important and the power of mental tours I love that you know your wife was so committed to this first and she kind of drove that change and you
(14:30) started to take unlimited responsibility for that what did that look like as far as taking 100 responsibility um I mean I just it was no longer you know playing the blame game and in my book I use the word victim a lot and people hate the word victim but basically the simple definition is it’s allowing the outside world to dictate your thinking dictate your results yeah yeah and this whole outside in approach to life this hopium way of doing things and it’s freaking exhausting Adam to you know spend all your time manipulating
(15:05) the outside world while you seriously fiercely insist on remaining the same and you know it’s and it’s like rearranging the furniture on the deck of the Titanic yeah it doesn’t matter that damn boat’s going down and and so you know that’s that’s what I had to change and the whole outside it just it just didn’t work the change had to come from me and my coach I worked with for four and a half years every time I kind of fight back against him or my ego or I had this need to be right he would just say hey based on
(15:39) results how’s your way working yeah hated that right based on results how’s your way working because based on results how’s victim working for you bud yeah and he would always connect the prices I was paying he’s like so you you keep doing what you’re doing but you’re staring at alimony payment number two um your kids aren’t going to know you and you’re just going to be a drunk probably yeah so that’s what you want keep doing it your way and you’d always snap me out of my egoic
(16:16) need to be right and self-righteous and you know I just had this need to I got it I got to handle dudes are like that right I I got it yeah I got it no you don’t don’t ask you don’t have it look at your results I hated that my my agents I coach I’m like based on results how’s it working man right right shut up shut up yeah I’m just a mirror bro I’m just a mirror absolutely and you and you got to look for that in a coach by the way if you’re looking for a coach that’s going to be you know it’s just gonna be
(16:47) reinforcing everything and making you feel good you got the wrong coach you got to find someone who’s willing to challenge you like that because that’s where change is gonna happen and I I can’t agree with you more with regard to the victim mentality yeah it’s you know there there’s things that are going to happen to us that are going to victimize us but it is our choice to stay there and uh and you made that choice to switch um and I love that you tied victim mentality that hopium too I I like that
(17:14) I like that uh I like that uh that comparison um it so what were the some of the first steps you took because I know a lot of people that may be feeling like well yeah I’m financially I’m feeling the same way I’m in debt I I’m looking you know month to month now how do I how do what are the first steps I take to break out of that what were some of the first steps you took yeah I mean I I think um and these are just different chapters in the book and and my book is packed full of you know exercises it’s not just me lecturing
(17:45) it’s it’s here’s here’s some stuff that um that you can do um but the first thing is you know my coach framed this for me he said Chris you no longer have a problem you have a project and that was transformative man because when we view things as problems problems stay in our lives for years and problems we kind of bring victim to the party yeah problems we feel like we’re we’re powerless we can’t do anything about it and victims always about giving your power to out outside outside of yourself
(18:23) but projects man it’s different like projects like we will more often than not see it through completion will bring a different energy to the party when we Face roadblocks like you know my book was 15-month process Adam like that was a freaking project yeah and and but I had so much enthusiasm and juice for the for it and I learned so much but I knew I was going to see it through and and so so that’s the first thing and that kind of you know also gave me Grace right I I think you know I talk about not beating ourselves up and and I was
(18:59) spending a lot of time beating myself up and and and I had to forgive myself and there’s an old chapter on forgiveness but I had to forgive myself but the project versus problem was really big and then the first thing he did Adam was he said okay get a journal get a green money Journal still have it and and write the word money at the top of the page and then write down everything you make up about that word and I list in the book and it was you know like I said that rich people are they’re horrible they make money on the
(19:33) backs of poor people all this stuff dude I had like 20 money won’t make you happy can’t take it with you either or you can have money or a great family you can’t have both and and it was obvious I’m like I met the enemy finally and it is I and and so I but the cool part is I’m like that’s my story now I can start telling a different story so I rewrote a different story affirmed a different story uh lots of different things that I did but the first part was I had to start installing different beliefs and then
(20:07) um and then Marlo and I got together and whether you’re single or married we said we set a unifying couple’s goal yeah okay and and it was the first time we ever did it and we were you know once again 250 000 in debt and I’m like honey what would make you feel good and she’s like 100 000 in the bank saved and after I gulped and stared up at Mount Everest I was like crap and then we spent an hour on why that was important like why she’s like because I hate distress I’m just like you need to see your kids
(20:46) um we need to quit fighting and then and then we just focused on base camp one I was like all right let’s get the first 10 grand safe because we can do that versus trying to scale the whole Mountain so I give you a lot there but we just took some small steps and small steps and small steps and small steps and small steps and then we created momentum and then you know the snowball was pushed down the hill and pretty miraculous things came from that yeah so chunking it down into smaller steps so putting Mount Everest into
(21:16) different base camps I like that analogy yeah huge for sure yeah uh and so you you were so as you were kind of taking these steps towards that first 10 000 I mean you had debt to pay off did you have to was that part of the plan as well or a great question yeah yeah so part of our process of interviewing our wealthy mentors for our book uh one of our favorite couples they’re like you need to quit fixing your debt you need to create wealth that changed my life and there’s probably 99 of financial advisors listen
(21:50) to what I’m saying they’re gonna say don’t do it Chris is telling you to do but I watched my mom do it her whole life dude she was like once I pay off my debt then I’ll save once I get this handled then and she passed away at 64. I worked her whole life and saved a grand total of 10 grand and the most preeminent law in personal development is the law of growth and what we focus on expands so for me focusing on my debt created more debt and and the feeling and Joe dispenza calls it a negative feedback loop right
(22:29) you’re just you’re looking at your stuff it makes you feel horrible you you’re given more attention to your stuff it just and it just keeps growing and for whatever reason those mentors are like okay your debt’s there get it handled don’t be an ostrich to it but if you guys can’t save money the seeds of greatness aren’t in you if you can’t save money you’ll never be debt free and so dude that whole shift in my energy of focused on creating wealth so we got focused on the first 10 grand
(23:00) obviously maintaining our debt yeah but we wanted to save enough money so that we would never have to grab debt again and then once we got to about 50 000 then we have the savings habit going and then we were like okay we could save you know 25 30 percent of our income because my my job was to raise our income up and then once we got there then we started hammering on the debt and anyway my wife was masterful on that and um I don’t know if that made sense or not so it was kind of maintaining the debt but we had to get the Savings in
(23:38) place and for me focusing on creating wealth was a total total total game changer for me that’s a that’s a huge uh uh Revelation there and and a big shift from everything that I you know heard kind of growing up too you talk about those financial paradigms that we have I’d always known I’d always heard that you know yeah get rid of debt you know take care of that first but that makes so much sense um literally I mean if you’re a punster I mean yeah it makes sense but uh but yeah I mean it’s it’s you know I I it’s
(24:10) really shifting your mindset more towards creating wealth and now you’re actually building a a nest egg instead of focusing solely on debt and ending up saving nothing but say 10 grand so so that worked out for you and over time you were able to do both then take care of your debt and build this Nest Egg of hundred thousand dollars you wanted wow how long did it take you to get to that that goal um I think that’s a good question I’d have to remember uh I mean we got we got really focused like mid-2008 that’s when I
(24:47) hired my coach and we bought um yeah we did because we bought our home best home we’ve ever had we bought it uh February 2010. we got we got after it nice for sure and then we had we had the savings after we put the down payment down yeah okay so nice yeah yeah so we we uh very motivating that’s awesome yeah and and um yeah that’s a powerful story too and how you shifted that and what you’ve done and and and it so there’s an element of like you know you had this one moment where you’re in the kitchen you have a purse
(25:31) thrown at you you’re that’s completely you’re feeling completely hopeless but I just want to pause there and just share with anybody that might be feeling that now that even in the midst of that hopelessness there is hope and there is a way out if you can strategize around that and in this case it was about finding the right mentors finding out what they’re doing getting the coaching that was needed and um and and start focusing on the right changes uh change you know focus on what you need and that leads you to down a path of of
(26:02) you know not just success in in your own life but probably it helped contribute to your business as well and and helped your business Thrive at that point am I right on that yeah yeah yeah because we we had to you know and I think I think a big component Adam I mean the the problem my book solves is stuck right and I think one of the ways we get stuck and and we’re coming out of you know crazy three years of stuckness yeah and and it was you know horrific and I’m not making light of pandemic and all that but but what keeps us stuck is
(26:36) what is happening should not be happening mm-hmm yeah and and and I went through that you know with with the the pandemic too I mean there was you know three or four days where I’m like holy crap and I’m in financial services and you know we had a lot of clients and they’re kind of their money’s down and but I’ve been through in 2008 I’ve been through it I’m like okay dude like my coach said you need to accept it you need to accept the situation and he reframed it he’s like you don’t need to
(27:11) love it but you need to stop hating it and then you know once I accepted that hey these are scary times crap is happening I can’t control it I need to accept it and then I need to say what do I want what’s the next thing I need to do well then we shifted our whole business virtually and had a record 2020 in 2021 and 2022 and have a much better lifestyle all that stuff came from that and and so what was going on with me was well I’m smarter than this I shouldn’t be here my wife is like we shouldn’t be
(27:56) here how do we get here why are you such a dumbass you know I mean just and and the analogy I given the book is it’s like having a flat tire I mean every time we get a flat tire we’re like why did that happen to me yeah you didn’t fix the pothole what and the flat Tire’s sitting there going how long is Chris going to go through the mental gymnastics until he finally accepts that there’s a flat tire what’s the next thing what do you want I want to be on the road what’s the next thing you need to do grab the jack
(28:28) and so that was powerful the next day when Marlo and I got together and she’s like we’re staying together we’re going to figure this out and then she laid out the bloody balance she she laid out and instead of beating myself up and looking at it and going well this is my ex-wife’s fault this is the recession’s Fault I just said got it got it accepted it I accepted the flat tire and then I looked her in the eye and I said we will never be back here again I love that yeah there’s there there’s
(28:58) so much power in bringing yourself back to the present like that and and what I love about that is a lot of times when you’re sitting in you know I’ve been there too where you’re sitting in debt and you’re looking at this person that you want to be and that you’re not there and you’re feeling like a like a scumbag and you’re feeling so much shame and all of this stuff you’re living in that Gap I mean that like you know you want to be here you’re not there but this but the second
(29:21) and and this is where a rock bottom can be powerful a lot of times a rock bottom can like you know lead you to the most despairing outcomes if your ego gets in the way but if if that Rock Bottom leads you to humility and saying all right let’s get this focused on you’re focusing on that next step and fear is not living in that next step fear is just taking that next step and and that’s where courage is and that’s so the fact that you took that step is is powerful and and I love your book um and your book is amazing and I
(29:51) haven’t quite finished it yet but I I part of the reason it’s so good is that not just because it shares your story and your experiences but also because of the way it’s laid out I I like it because it seems like it’s a bit of a meditation I mean you give your your five pillars you know which are um you know which are powerful ways not just to shift your financial mindset but your total mindset and your your total lifestyle and and you focus on one small subject at a time on that and in such a way that
(30:22) you’re you’re really putting down a quote the resources that you can give and then action steps and a personal anecdote so it’s like almost like every day you can go through one of these and and really finish the book in 50 days and have a have a plan to change your life how did you kind of come to that structure and um and and what was the what was the I guess the impetus to writing the book yeah I mean I um so I turned 15 August to 2021 and uh Adam I realized at that point for the first time in my life I’m not getting out of
(30:53) this thing alive yeah right right seriously it was like the first time when I was like dude you’re gonna die yeah yeah and like what do you want man and and after you know being depressed for a couple days on it I just said man I want to make a big impact I want to help tens of millions of people and that’s that’s just where I am that’s that’s that’s that that’s that’s I want to leave a big Legacy and those things and then um and then I actually had a a friend in my company a counterpart same age and he
(31:26) went from healthy to having a stroke to dead in seven days oh wow and it was like November that year and yeah totally extremely for Lou yeah and it kind of woke me up and then um my mentor for the book he wrote the forward uh Steve siebel I don’t know if you know who Steve is but uh Steve’s a legend the personal development space and he sold millions and millions of books and uh he’s made 50 million plus in speaking and I mean he’s he’s a legend and he’s a friend of mine he called me in November and he’s
(32:01) like dude I’ve heard you speak for years you need to write a book and your content my coaching and here’s how you’re going to write the book if you want it to be impactful because that’s kind of his format these written all his books he’s like but what’s going to be different and I wish I would have done it is you’re going to write your personal stories behind it so I started writing the personal stories and Steve’s like dude are you sure you want to share all this like dude like you keep throwing
(32:31) yourself under the bus like what I’m like I don’t know any other way to teach bro yeah then to tell people what a freaking mess I was and then what I did to to get on stock and so we spent nine months writing the first draft he spent 25 hours on the fourth draft just making sure that there was no fluff that it flowed that there wasn’t a word out of place and um and now so I wrote the book man because uh people get stuck and it’s okay to get stuck but it’s not okay to stay there and uh my prayer is
(33:04) that uh you know me investing tens of thousands of dollars in personal growth and development in thousands of hours uh people can invest a micro fraction of the cost hopefully spend less time and get greater results than me and do in a shorter period of time and hopefully it makes a big impact for people well there’s a lot of there’s there’s a ton of power in in sharing your personal story and the you know really that the the ugliness of of everything that happens because that’s really where the
(33:31) story is that’s where the that’s where the lessons are I mean it’s it’s not I mean there’s so many personal development books out there that says oh yeah you want to start a nine figure business do this do that do that I think we all know the the mechanics around that but it’s all of this other stuff that gets in the way the challenges that hit us the things that hit us from the outside and that’s a lot of what your book addresses which I love is the fact that you know we’re we’re going to need
(33:56) to take care of this you know this person here first and how we how we how we show up um and so you do focus on getting us out of stock and a lot of times what keeps us stuck is is as you said at the beginning that person that’s right here between um and why do we stay there why do we choose to stay there um I I think that uh that’s that’s a great question um you know our egos in control most of the time if if you’re not doing the work and you’re not you know I mean my first pillar is you know get out of your own
(34:36) way and and so we just have these unconscious patterns and the ego’s not number one goal for us is to keep us right where we are yeah oh wow and to keep us stuck and it it it’s it’s in the masses Adam have an addiction to comfort and it just doesn’t service well and everybody knows about your ideal lives outside of your comfort zone and all that um and so we just stay stuck because we kind of have that moment of discomfort and then we have a moment of decision and the moment of decision is we’re either going to be bold and do
(35:17) something different or we’re going to choose comfort and we hesitate and our days and our years and our weeks are just a big pile of hesitations and our ego wants us to think that that little step is going to be really painful but it’s not it’s you know once once you get to that moment of discomfort moment of decision and you’re like okay I’m gonna be bold and I’m going to do the uncomfortable thing and then a body in motion stays in motion and you can create momentum but people just stay stuck because victim is
(35:54) powerless this shouldn’t be happening sorry it is accepted they’re not really clear Adam on what they want that’s a whole nother podcast you and I can do um on the power of clarity yeah um and they just they get stuck in that next step or they try to map it out or I mean I don’t have my my whole pillar on how to get out of your own way you know like just the worry patterns and the judgment and just all these things that we have it’s it’s what keeps us stuck yeah and then yeah that I found that to
(36:28) be true too I mean I spent a lot of time stuck in my own life um and it’s still do in many respects that doesn’t go away I mean there’s just there’s areas we just kind of we need to keep doing that but what but I found that when you lean just a little bit into that discomfort that that’s where living really begins and it doesn’t even it doesn’t require David Goggins to ask you know levels of going out you know it’s just five percent it’s gonna be hard you’ll never be happy
(37:02) and you just stay hard right right anyway that’s that’s my chapter in the book is work hard but don’t make hard work of it right but anyway there you go yeah dude that’s funny I love you but it’s funny yeah you know you and I see an eye die on that because uh I I love Gaga’s too his story is amazing but not everybody could go from zero to maybe seal I mean some of us just some of us I mean if we want that stability or like you know we but we can get there five percent at a time you know just small
(37:30) steps at a time it’s so important if you if we have this fear or we have this discomfort with getting uncomfortable that we just make it simple for ourselves to take the small step and be present on looking at what’s that that next step in front of us so yeah that that’s hugely powerful and I I um I can definitely resonate with your that moment that you had where you were where you decided to kind of that you that you wanted to share this message with millions of people because you know you said you turned 50
(37:59) and you had that kind of moment where it was just like and and that’s the thing about I I don’t want to say because you’re never you’re not getting old and you have a chapter on this and I want to I want to this is kind of what I’m getting to but there was a moment in my life where it you know where I was like wondering well what point in your life do you start to feel old and what I realized because I turned 43 last year was when I was 42 and 364 days I felt like I was the always felt like I was
(38:28) the youngest person in the room when I turned 43 I immediately it’s like a flip switch a switch flipped and I felt like I was old and it just it just happened and it was like this this shift and I know I’m not old I mean I know that that’s just a number and I know that we can we can stay resilient and that’s what I’m trying to do but but it still didn’t change that psychic shift that happened that so I wanted to touch on that because you have that you know you had a chapter in there where you’re talking
(38:55) about you’re too young to be old so what what um what can you kind of expand on that a bit yeah I mean it was kind of that when I turned 50 in in 2021 I was starting to buy into the society view of you know you’re over the hill and and and once again like I’ve done so much work on myself and and you know I dude I like you said I can get stuck as good as anybody yeah but I recognize when I am and so once again I’m feeling bad about turning 50 and I’m allowing the outside world to dictate how I feel
(39:34) so I was I mean I was in the middle of writing this book almost right and I’m doing the victim thing and then I caught it and then I have this total angel in my business she helped me get the book published and uploaded and all the garbage you know that goes on with that and she sent me this this study from the New England Journal uh of medicine and and it basically says hey um God’s not done with you and your prime time in your life is between 60 to 70.
(40:12) that that’s that’s your prime time that’s your most productive 70 to 80s the next time uh 50 to 60s the next time and there’s lots of reasons for that you know who you are you’re comfortable in your own skin I mean you don’t have distractions of raising a family I mean I mean like and you’re as good as you’re ever going to be and so I started reading that Adam and I felt energized and then I started sharing it with my clients and I could see I’m like dude all of a sudden that
(40:40) their head would come up and they’re at their shoulders would come back and and then um one of my really good friends that I went to college with he’s 55. he doesn’t look 55 he looks like you you know he’s in good shape he’s healthy and he’s been this very successful businessman and we’re talking and he’s like well Chris I don’t know you know I don’t know how much time I got left I mean I I’m like going dude you you’re I’m like shut the hell up just just I’m gonna send this
(41:13) I’m gonna send this over to you and he read it and then he was just he was like oh my God man I’m like so I’ve never seen something shift people and then the story in the book I gotta share the story it’s unbelievable and so I’m I’m uh I’m the the Kina close out for about a thousand financial advisors we’re in Dallas it’s 20 21 and uh or February 2022 and and the night before I I came up on stage I was on this panel and sometimes and they didn’t give me anything to talk
(41:46) about so I’m sitting I’m like God what am I talking about God what do you want to talk about God what do you want like meditating on it and then I’m like dude share the study and 75 of the room Adam was over 50. yeah and I go to the crowd I’m like hey how many of you are over 50. and I hear like two people go right and I’m like oh my god dude they’re all ashamed yeah I read the study Crowd Goes Nuts we have a reception afterwards probably two 300 people came up to me send me that send me that send me that some of
(42:21) that then the next day Sharon Lecter if you know who Sharon lectures that’s right Rich Dad author total rock star she’s she might be in her late 70s she’s the keynote for that day we’ve never met she wasn’t there the night I talked about it she brings up a PowerPoint the exact same study wow the exact same thing and then she goes hey everybody how many of you are over 50.
(42:51) and the whole room stands up and goes nuts and she’s like I’ve never gotten that reaction and I’m just sitting here I mean I was just blown away dude I’m blown away so you are too young to people yeah that’s for sure yeah and then if not then follow Gary Player on Instagram Gary Player okay here it is like 87 the golfer dude he’s he he plays golf every day he runs five miles a day he’s yeah and that’s one of the things I’m I’m picking up from this interview here too is is don’t listen to the common
(43:32) themes that come up in your life whether you’re four years old and you hear and you continuously hear that money is bad money is the root of all evil and all these things or whether you believe that uh that uh you know we’re getting you know that that we’re too old at 43 or 50 or 70 or anything like that um these are things we have to challenge and when we challenge them we push up against those same Comfort zones that’s that’s hugely powerful um and yeah and and one of the pieces that I loved
(44:00) um you know as far as far as the message that resonated was that uh we’re a miracle and a mess at the same time and I feel that like deep can you touch on that really quick yeah yeah I I reference uh a coach I’ve worked with real good friend of mine uh Jonathan manske and and he just hits some of the best content but that I stole that from him and you know perfectionism is a form of self-sabotage and we did not come here to to get perfect and when we’re beating ourselves up over our imperfections or our mistakes or
(44:35) whatever that’s another way Adam that we just stay stuck and and I’m very clear in the book and I’m very clear when I speak like hey I am not some Guru I have not figured out the key to life I haven’t arrived um I’m a miracle in a mess just like everybody else I got messy parts of me I got flaws I got weaknesses um but the the more I just Embrace and fully love improve and accepted myself like the better my life were so it’s not that I don’t need to get better because I’m you know like I said I’m a miracle
(45:13) in a mess just like everybody else but what does make me different is just the commitment to getting better and the commitment to growing and you’re either growing or dying yeah and so you got to be intentional about your growth or you’ll choose comfort and there’s no definition of comfort in nature they’re not looking for comfort so just accept yourself work on yourself and enjoy the journey because there’s no happy ending to an unhappy journey and there you have it that’s a that’s a
(45:49) great message to kind of push a put a bookend on this conversation and I’d love to have a second one where we do get into Clarity and there’s so much more to dig into um but I wanted to ask you because you know one of those cliches we hear you know when we’re when we’re younger when we’re young is money does not buy happiness right so how does that phrase hit hit you now what what does that how do you interpret that phase now well I mean oxygen doesn’t buy you happiness either good point right but you gotta I mean
(46:23) you gotta have it yeah I mean you just gotta have it and you know I’m I’m a Christian and whatever your your beliefs are like you know keep keep first things first and it’s not an either or and so you know I I I’ve had money and I’ve been broke and money’s better and money’s neutral and what you bring to the party is what you bring to the party and so it it it it will not buy you happiness but oxygen won’t buy you happiness but it’s just it’s necessary yeah and and you know part of my you
(47:02) know and like I said I think I think people are afraid of becoming wealthy because they’re afraid they’re going to turn into somebody they don’t want to be and that’s a total limiting belief and a lie but money makes a good person better and a bad person worse yeah and as I’ve worked on myself and made myself better um it’s just it’s made be better and it’s blessed people but I’m not attached to any of it because I know I know it won’t make me happy but it is a tool for me to Advance my
(47:37) mission yeah and that’s that’s where I feel like you’re walking the walk here and and and and why I love the book that you’re that you’ve written and that that’s out now um because it it it gives it tells it from a perspective of hey you know it’s it’s not hey how here’s how you make a bunch of money it’s hey here’s how you change your life and get perspective and gain fulfillment and and shift things into the clarity on where you want to be I love that because that’s going to lead to more fulfillment
(48:08) whether your number is a million dollars 10 million dollars or a hundred thousand dollars and uh and that’s powerful and I love that you’ve written this book Think and Grow you where can people find that Amazon uh or yeah yeah Amazon and then my website’s chrisfelton.me and um and the link will take them to Amazon and they can get their order and then come back to my site and get the bonuses and there’s some there’s some pretty cool bonuses in there great interview with uh Steve Holbrook who’s kind of a uh
(48:40) Canadian business Legend uh that I hand-picked uh to interview me and uh get his feedback on the book but yeah there’s there’s some cool cool stuff there yeah awesome excellent so yeah go to go to chrisfelton dot me m e uh to uh to download then to get to the or to to order from Amazon and get those awesome uh bonuses and is there an audiobook or anything coming out yeah yeah audible is uh a uh a May June uh project so I gotta my launch is March 25th so I’m I’m focused 100 there but uh after that I got a workshop that I’m
(49:18) planning locally and then I’m gonna get uh audible accident because I’ve been a lot of people been requesting it so I’m gonna get it done that’s great well this should yeah this should be airing sometime in uh late April or May so we sure so that’ll be right alongside when the book’s already out so buy it buy it now and when the audiobook comes out get it get it then as well um and I don’t know if you’ve read the audiobook yet Chris but uh I’ll tell you I just I read mine last year and it’s an
(49:45) incredible experience over the course of two years to read the work just like through especially when you’re telling some of your life story it’s a powerful reflection it’s powerful yeah so if you haven’t already I I just prep you for that it’s pretty amazing yeah I have not done that yeah yeah I’m really looking forward to it excellent well thank you so much for for joining me where where else can people find you you got your website chrisfelton dot me anywhere else um yeah I mean I’m on uh Instagram uh CF
(50:14) underscore ete and then uh I’m on LinkedIn Facebook and pretty active on social media but uh yeah my website they can contact me directly so excellent well thank you so much and please please if you’re out there pick up pick up uh Chris’s book Think and Grow you and uh and and and spend the next 50 days changing your life and uh Chris this was an amazing conversation and congratulations on all your success and the amazing transformation um and uh and I look forward to chatting with you soon yeah Adam you’re a
(50:50) world-class guy and host and I really appreciate you stepping up and having me on your show so thanks so much it’s my honor and uh to everyone else out there thank you so much for being here and we’ll catch you next time hey everyone Thanks for tuning in to the flow over fear podcast if you’d like to learn more about getting into flow and learn the foundations of flow I have a free video series on my website at www.adamcliffordill.
(51:16) com called the foundations of flow feel free to go there and download it and start your journey to Rising above fear and achieving greater flow in your life if you like this episode and I’m guessing you did if you stuck around for this long then please do me a favor and hit the Subscribe button and you will receive notifications when I have new interviews new Recaps and new trainings that pop up on YouTube thanks again for joining us