Relationships… For Introverts!
Have you ever felt like introversion was your Kryptonite? Or have you ever used the excuse “I am an introvert” to avoid social situations at all costs? Well, you’re not alone!… as much as you may like to be…
In this week’s episode of Flow Over Fear: Three Things, we dive headfirst into the wild, wonderful, and often misunderstood world of introversion. The realm where parties are more tiring than a marathon (can confirm) and small talk is… well… let’s just say we’d rather swim with sharks.
But what if I told you that creating meaningful relationships is an introvert superpower?
{GASP!}
Here’s the thing. The very reasons we may loathe social situations, are the very reasons that we are filled up in very specific situations. It’s not that we hate being social, we’re just choosy. And for good reason. We tend to feel the room. We tend to get the energy sucked out of us in the wrong circumstances…
But in those situations where we are with “our people”, our energy is filled. And the relationships we have with those select few people? They are incredibly meaningful. We need to be conscious of this so that we don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater. If we can recognize that we are not socially averse, rather we are socially selective, we can begin to build the right relationships.
Being in the right types of relationships puts us in the right rooms (the environment) that also fill us up. And when we amplify those relationships with experiences (trips, events, adventures… oh my!), we live an abundant life.
The meaning of life is about the relationships we build. Don’t deny yourself that.
I get it. The introvert life sometimes feels like you’re stuck on the wrong end of a superhero story. But remember, even the greatest superheroes are introverts. I mean, who else would create a Fortress of Solitude or hang out in a cave filled with bats all day?
Introverts and superheroes, that’s who.
So without further ado, here are the three introvert superpowers I share in this episode of Flow Over Fear that can help you build better relationships.
- Our relationships are deeper more meaningful
- We are keyed into the environments that give us energy
- We have higher quality experiences with those we love
So, are you ready to ditch that Kryptonite and unlock your Introvert Superpowers? Catch this week’s episode of Flow Over Fear!
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Three Things: Relationships… For Introverts! – YouTube
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ef3xPOIQmVsTranscript:
(00:00) even though we’re introverts that we can still master that human connection and live meaningful lives because those experiences that we’ve had with those other people those meaningful people those meaningful relationships were really powerful in our lives even though we feel like we hate those social situations so I want you just to remove yourself from that Paradigm for a moment that you hate social situations that you want to avoid them at all costs and just open your mind for a second to these three things that I would say
(00:33) might help you to recognize that introversion is a superpower hello everyone and welcome to the flow over fear podcast where it is our mission to help you to rise above fear and realize your ultimate potential in leadership and life I’m your host Adam Hill and it is my goal to share with you the human side of high performance my guests share their experience with fear anxiety struggle Challenge and most importantly despite all of it how they Rose above it to achieve incredible results so if you’re ready to rise up
(01:11) let’s get started hello everyone and welcome to flow over fear and today I want to talk about relationships for introverts that’s right if you feel a sense of social anxiety when you walk into a room full of people or you feel uh just uncomfortable in those social situations and you feel like you’d rather be alone you might identify as an introvert this is certainly way that I have identified during my life and you may be wondering but Adam you speak you are in front of people you you hang out with people you do this podcast how
(01:48) could you possibly be an introvert well it hasn’t always been that way and and this is certainly an exercise of of knowing where my boundaries are knowing how I operate in social situations because I do get that Sensation that when I am in the wrong group when I am in the wrong types of social situations that aren’t for me my energy does get significantly drained whereas for somebody like an extrovert somebody who really thrives in those areas their energy may be filled up in those rooms that are full of people but for many of
(02:23) us who are introverts we walk into those rooms our energy gets drained we just we we may feel that that heightened sense of anxiety and uh and it becomes and it can be debilitating I mean when and what I want to share today are three ways I want to shift your thinking on this because there I really have learned in my life as especially in my adult life as I’ve recovered from alcoholism and all of the things that I used to do to try to push my anxiety and all of those anxieties down and suppress them ever
(02:58) since I’ve recovered from a lot of that and learned a lot of these personal development tools I’ve actually learned that introversion can be a superpower and it can be a superpower when it becomes to our when it comes to our relationships with friends or in social situations with our co-workers and with with certain things like that and and that is why you know I’m able to be more present more productive uh and happier and more free in social situations Today Than I Used to Be and it all comes it all comes down to
(03:34) the fact that it’s being it’s it’s learning to be comfortable in your own skin first before you could be comfortable in the in those crowds and with those with with certain people but understanding what that superpower is and and why introversion can be a benefit you know in your relationships will help you to really learn to thrive in those in those scenarios and and live a truly Abundant Life when it comes to relationships because really truly life is all about relationships life is uh the meaning of life is having high
(04:12) quality relationships and we don’t want to squander that and one of the biggest problems is is the is as introverts as people who maybe get our energy drained by those social situations we tend to interpret our introverted nature the the nature of being selective or being uh being anxious in those social situations we tend to interpret that as hating those social situations is wanting to avoid them at all costs um and the problem is that every human being needs human connection every human being needs human connection I mean it’s
(04:51) why right when we’re born we have to have that connection with our mother or our father it’s it has to be uh you we have to have that human connection that’s part of being human without it we can’t survive uh but and and so what that what happens when we don’t have that so we create this disconnect between our human nature the need to be the to find that connection and this feeling or this this uh belief that we have that uh we we hate those uh social situations where we have to be among other people
(05:28) and um and what that does is that causes us in a lot of scenarios if we if we lean into that side of it causes us to feel lonely feel alone in this world to feel like uh we just don’t fit in or we’re misaligned or we lack trust in other people and we have and and and that you know that that’s a that that’s a pretty painful place to live and so to get out of that and and I lived there for for a very long time as I was suffering through my anxiety um the only way that I felt that I could operate in social situations was to
(06:02) drink heavily and uh and and that was the first time I actually realized that at least in my own life that uh that that was the only way that I could operate in social situations was when I was in college uh you know there were these things called parties if you’re familiar and um uh yeah if some of us were introverts might not be familiar with these things called parties or we might want to avoid them at all costs but but there were these things in college called parties and my uh my roommates and things like that would go
(06:35) to them and they would have these giant uh giant things called kegs which held beer and uh beer for all of you uh people who may not know is a drink that messes with your mind a little bit um anyway I’ll stop being kind of a dork about that but anyway uh I found that when I drank a lot I could actually be more social and it worked for a while I mean it worked in the very beginning stages it was a lot of fun but then it became fun with problems and then of course way later on it just became problems and then I just became a person
(07:10) who was never in social social situations and drinking heavily so I I I I I really just was it was a very dark place for me and if you can relate to that I will share that there is a way out there is help and I would encourage you to lean towel into that help but I know that but prior to that you know growing up um I was just afraid of being around other people I really was I was afraid of what they thought of me I could feel the energy in the room and it wasn’t pleasant you know in high school I just I I I I I wasn’t it it just I just
(07:52) didn’t feel like I fit in and I wasn’t comfortable in my own skin and so I I kept to myself but I felt very alone and I had a very close-knit group of friends and this is kind of where I’m going to get into the premise of of of where of of how to look at this introversion as a superpower because I had a core group of friends who I was just truly truly aligned with and those relationships were so meaningful so powerful and I love being around them and they actually gave me energy and they refused they were just a few of
(08:30) them it wasn’t everybody but it was just these few people that I really connected with and the memories I have of that are really really meaningful to me and I remember that more than the days where I was sitting alone and feeling lonely and feeling like I didn’t fit in uh and so if you think back on your key relationships when you’re growing up are those key experiences in your life that were that were so impactful for you that were meaningful to you that you look back with with joy and and and and enjoy well just Joy
(09:06) what what were the elements of those experiences that made it so meaningful and it was probably the people that were there the people that you were surrounded by at that time which goes to show that that that there are that that there are people that even though we’re introverts that we can still master that human connection and live meaningful lives because those experiences that we’ve had with those other people those meaningful people those meaningful relationships were really powerful in our lives even though
(09:39) we feel like we hate those social situations so I want you just to remove yourself from that Paradigm for a moment that you hate social situations that you want to avoid them at all costs and just open your mind for a second to these three things that I would say might help you to recognize that introversion is a superpower because I think for for us in particular for those of us who identify as introverts who feel like we’re we we just don’t belong I believe that that introversion can be a superpower when we
(10:12) uh when we want to develop the right relationships and the first reason that is is because because even though we don’t lean into uh even though we don’t like to go into those social situations the first uh thing that the first thing the way that we can identify that uh introversion is a superpower is that the relationships that we do build do create are much more meaningful when we’re able to let those people in we’re able to identify the people that we connect with we’re more tuned in to those connections just instinctively
(10:51) I mean yes when we get into a social situation we’re not comfortable we can really really feel it we we can really uh feel that sense that we’re just not you know not connected to those people but um but though for the people that we we are we we connect to them and we build we can build meaningful relationships with that and so identifying that that so those relate those particular relationships even the one-on-one or the one on two or however many they are they’re deeper they’re more meaningful
(11:22) and from those experiences from those relationships we can we can have that human connection that we desire whether it be our significant other our loved one or wife husband uh uh partner whatever that may be or a friend uh Community co-workers things like that we find that so if you could use that part of it as a superpower you could find the people in your life that could be your trustworthy confidants your uh your the people that you want to uh spend time with and you’ll notice that in those meaningful relationships the
(11:59) ones where we really truly have that connection where they’re more deep where they’re deeper and more meaningful you’ll find that your energy is increases with the with those people there’s a there’s a heaviness and a lightness to relationships right just like anything else that we have in life and if you feel that like in interacting with somebody or some or a group of people is heavy then we may then that might not be there just might not be that connection there might not be that alignment that might not be
(12:32) the meaningful relationship that you need but in certain situations it’s light and it’s almost as if we’re as introverts we have that instinctual uh feeling of lightness when we find those people when we find our people and if you could key into that and identify the attributes of that you can build more of those meaningful relationships and find that you are building your energy when you’re around those people that your energy grows and that’s the whole part of you know of building each other up of lifting each
(13:07) other up and you want to find those types of relationships and and have more of them and spend more time in those um so so you so really look for where that’s where those relationships are where those really the connection is happening so that you can know when those deeper and more meaningful relationships are happening and then you’ll recognize that first super superpower of introversion well the second uh superpower of introversion is that is I kind of touched on it is that we’re keyed into the environment
(13:42) environments uh to a point where we have this additional empathy um we have almost have this empathic feeling of uh when we walk into a room of of what the energy in the room is like and um and that helps us to know which environments give us energy and which environments take it away just like individuals can the individuals we we connect with can have deeper meaning or or better connection so too can the environments that we’re in and a lot of times that comes into uh again the groups and the and the group dynamic
(14:19) that we get into we can be very selective and as introverts we’re very selective about the environments that we’re in and that’s important and that’s okay because uh because the difference between us and a true extrovert is that extroverts can really thrive in any environment they can they can be involved in any environment but what might be missed in those situations is understanding and keying into the general energy that’s going on in the room when we understand that energy we could better respond to it instead of
(14:53) taking it in and internalizing it we can we can kind of step out of ourselves and say oh I see there’s a lot of tension in this room and you know how what is the best response I can have to to respond to this tension and you can take a deep breath and respond accordingly or you know maybe oh there’s there’s a tremendous amount of joy in this room and I’m feeling it too we tend to feel it right so you if you feel that that that that uh the the energy feel that the the energy that’s happening in the
(15:28) room you can be better keyed into how to respond to it and that is one of these super I know I know I know the word empathic is kind of a buzzword now everybody feels that I’m an empath I feel the the I feel everybody else’s feelings but you know as woohoo as it sounds it’s there’s a lot of truth to it you know especially for those who are very very sensitive to that um I identify as that too I’ve always felt that energy around which is why I’ve never which is why I’ve always been
(16:00) very non-confrontational I don’t like confrontation because I almost feel that energy doubly because I’m feeling the rest of the room or the the other person um and uh and it’s kind of why I I was very uh standoffish in social situations but but there is that element of there is that empathic nature that some of us have where we where we just feel the room and that can be a truly a superpower because it gives us the ability to be more compassionate to be more empathic and empathetic and to uh uh to know how best to respond in those
(16:39) situations so look at that as a positive and then finally the third thing I want to share the third way that that really introversion can be a superpower within relationships is that when we own it we can have a higher quality experiences with those that we love higher quality experiences with those that we love and this kind of ties back into the previous two previous two examples that though that when we have deeper and more meaningful relationships when we bring those relationships into our experiences the experiences can be
(17:19) more powerful powerful I mean think think about it this way think about if you love getting out into nature if you love say say you want to go visit the Grand Canyon and you visit the Grand Canyon and it’s great it’s beautiful you love it now imagine you go visit the Grand Canyon with somebody that you have a deep and meaningful relationship with that gives you that energy even as an introvert imagine how much more Amplified that experience will be bring those meaningful relationships into your experiences and you will
(17:57) amplify the quality of those experiences and uh so you know that that could be with travel that could be with your other passions like uh for instance within you know for for me I I my kids and my wife and I started getting into martial arts recently we started doing karate um about a year ago and we’ve been doing that together now I have meaningful powerful relationships obviously with my wife my kids even though I’m an introvert but I bring those relationships into a place actually that that would spark a bit of social anxiety
(18:36) for me which is into a Karate Dojo I mean there’s confrontation there obviously we’re fighting each other there’s other people there I might not blend with but here’s the thing when I bring a meaningful relationship with me we’re almost doubly powerful because I am I am fixed with her and my wife’s energy or my kids energy and you know we amplify that and so when we get into that that energy surpasses the energy in that room and everybody else there is trying to grow so I’ve learned that that when I
(19:10) bring those meaningful relationships into that room uh the experience just magnifies the experience gets so much better and it’s been true when you travel with somebody your love I mean we’ve done uh you know van trips and other you know seeing other things seen museums and and gone all over the you know all over the country and and bring those meaningful relationships with me amplifies that experience and this may all of this may seem very counterintuitive because as you know when you hear the word introvert you think well you don’t like
(19:45) to be around people you just don’t like it and and that’s you know to an extent that may be true because in those negative experiences the negativity is Amplified but in the positive experiences the positive in the positive relationships the ones that that where everything’s aligned and you’re connected those experiences are Amplified too so if you can find those meaningful relationships first and then you can key yourself into the environments where your energy is filled up and of course take those meaningful
(20:23) relationships into your experiences and give them a higher quality you’ll turn that introversion into a superpower because you’ll realize that the very things that might give you the anxiety in those social situations or make you afraid of approaching another person that you might want to connect with are the very things that will help you build that connection to a deeper and more meaningful level and when that happens you’ll show up more authentically and you’ll feel more connected which of course
(20:59) is a human need the need for human connection thank you for joining me today we’ll see you next time hey everyone Thanks for tuning in to the flow over fear podcast if you’d like to learn more about getting into flow and learn the foundations of flow I have a free video series on my website at www.adamcliffordill.
(21:24) com called the foundations of flow feel free to go there and download it and start your journey to Rising above fear and achieving greater flow in your life if you like this episode and I’m guessing you did if you stuck around for this long then please do me a favor and hit the Subscribe button and you will receive notifications when I have new interviews new Recaps and new trainings that pop up on YouTube thanks again for joining us [Music] thank you [Music]
