How to Stop Being a People Pleaser

Do you find yourself constantly saying “yes” to others even when it compromises your own well-being? Do you feel overwhelmed and anxious trying to please everyone around you?

The cycle of people-pleasing can be incredibly exhausting and can lead to resentment towards others and even yourself. In this episode of Flow Over Fear I talk about three ways to stop being a people pleaser and start finding more freedom.

These three key ways discussed in this episode are:

  • Becoming a Principles Pleaser
  • Identifying your Non-Negotiables
  • Learning to Say No

Become a Principles Pleaser

Becoming a principles-pleaser means focusing on pleasing yourself by living according to your principles or values. The episode highlights the importance of having a clear understanding of your core values which acts as a guiding force that helps you identify your priorities and say yes to things that align with them, and learn to say no to anything that does not.

For example, if you value your health, you would prioritize exercise and healthy eating regardless of what someone else asks you to do.

Identify Your Non-Negotiables

The second way to break free from the cycle of people-pleasing is to identify your non-negotiables. Non-negotiables are things that are important to you and that you won’t compromise on, no matter what. For instance, if you value time with family, a non-negotiable may be to reserve certain days or times of the week for family time, regardless of other work commitments or social obligations. Focusing on these non-negotiables can give you a sense of control, confidence, and self-respect. It can also help you understand your priorities, helping you say no to anything that would violate them, reducing the chances of compromising your well-being or causing anxiety.

Learn to Say No

The third and final key takeaway is learning to say no. For many people-pleasers, saying no can be an uncomfortable and difficult task. However, understanding your non-negotiables and being clear on your values can make it easier to say no to anything that would violate them. Saying no can also mean saying yes to things that are a better fit for you. By setting boundaries and saying no, you attract the right people and form meaningful relationships with those who align with your principles and values.

In summary, becoming a principles-pleaser, identifying non-negotiables, and learning to say no are three ways to break free from the cycle of people-pleasing, find your authentic self, and attract a community that aligns with your values. By following these steps, you will reduce anxiety, feel more confident, and have a greater sense of control over your life.

Making the shift from people-pleasing to principles-pleasing requires a lot of courage and self-reflection. It’s a journey that is unique for everyone, but it’s worth it. It can lead to greater self-respect, reduced anxiety, and a more authentic life. Remembering that pleasing people can often be admirable and lead to happier lives for everyone involved, it’s essential to recognize that people-pleasing can become problematic when it starts to harm our well-being or that of others. It’s important to find the balance between people-pleasing and setting boundaries. Follow these three tips, and you’ll begin to experience more freedom, confidence, and joy in your life.

Finally, remember two important things: identifying core values and non-negotiables can be a challenging process, and it’s okay to ask for help from a professional. Finding the right therapist can be a good thing. Having someone to talk can really help provide perspective and courage in addressing the issue. Secondly, saying no can still be challenging. I would recommend checking out Sarah Knight’s Ted X talk called “The Magic of Not Giving a F*ck”. It is a great resource that can help guide you on the journey from being a people pleaser to living a life of freedom.

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